Damn, that’s quite a mental tangle you’re in. Let’s unwrap you one step at a time.

“I’ll be living in this weird limbo until his roommate get’s well again.” I disagree. This is clearly an unpleasant situation you’re living with, and it’s not something that can’t be helped. With more consideration and understanding on all sides, things could be much better.

“I know these are legitimate feelings that I have, but I also don’t want to be another burden that he has to deal with.” These certainly are legitimate feelings, and he is your boyfriend. If you don’t take your feelings to him, you’re closing yourself off from him. That can’t be good for your relationship, so don’t do that. They are legitimate feelings and you can talk to him about them, at the very least.

“I’m afraid he’s going to be upset that I would choose to think of myself during this time, and I actually already feel guilty that I do!” Leukemia is a very serious illness, and clearly the roommate is suffering. But just because her suffering is bigger doesn’t mean your suffering isn’t real. Anyone who says, “Well, my problems are worse than yours so you have to shut up,” is unpleasant and inconsiderate, and I’m sure the roommate wouldn’t be like that. I’m sure your boyfriend wouldn’t be like that, either.

“I can’t really ask my S.O. to be there for me during these tough feelings.” As before, talking about tough feelings with your partner is what relationships are for, and what they are sustained by (also by good times, of course). Not talking about them will create distance between you.

“he already has so much on his shoulders.” You’re his girlfriend, though. She’s his roommate. What he’s doing for her in supporting her is great, I support him and it seems you do, too. But being a carer is a tough job, and he may be underestimating the toll it’s taking on him and his relationships with other people. If he had a clearer picture of how his new role as carer is affecting you, he might make different choices. There are other options for him, he can agree with her to have an afternoon ‘off’ every now and then, or ask her to call on her family. He doesn’t actually have to shoulder all of this, and he might see that if someone were to talk to him about it.

“I feel like she relies on him TOO much, but I can’t say that to him.” You can. In fact, you should. It’ll be better for you to air your feelings, better for him to know what’s going on for you and consider ways to change the situation, better for your relationship and better for her to have multiple people to rely on instead of one overworked person. Tell him everything. Tell him you feel guilty. Tell him you feel unhappy that he has no time for you, and how bad you feel for her at the same time. Tell him you feel worried for him because he’s got so much on his shoulders. Tell him you think there are other ways for her to get the help she needs with stuff. Tell him he has a right to his own time, even if his roommate has cancer.

He’s not a bad person if he sits down to talk to her about the care she needs, the care he’s been giving her, and tries to help her find other sources of support. In fact, I think you could say that’s what a smart and caring friend would do.

All the best to all of you.

Well then, there’s one person who’s not going to give up on you. You.

This sucks, man. I wish I had more to say, or some sort of advice, but I honestly don’t think there’s anything you could do other than what you already describe. Meds, if you feel that’s helpful, not letting it control your life, not giving in, working to get stronger, giving out love and light. Let hope and patience overcome you, just when you think you’ve run out.

And that will get you through. And who knows who you may be travelling with when you reach the next leg of your journey. I hope they will be good people. All good things to you.

Wow. Man, that is rough.

It seems that you already know you’re setting yourself up to have your heart broken all over again. You’re acting like her husband now, because she needs you, but all you’re likely to get in the end is another divorce. Is that what you need?

Then again, she’s dealing with some serious stuff, she really needs someone to support her, and maybe being that support is the right thing to do, even if it confuses your poor heart and leaves you ragged. But is there anyone else who could shoulder some of this burden?

You’re putting your own well-being and peace of mind on the line for the sake of being there for her while she suffers from cancer. If you’re doing that knowing and willing, as it seems you are, then that is noble and good karma. But remember, you are not her husband. Remind your heart that she is not your wife anymore, and when she gets better, she will drift away again. It’s going to be hard whatever you do, but preparing for that is better than not being prepared.

Everything good to you, to her, and to the kids.

When you say “forgive him” do you mean that you’ll feel he did you no harm and he’s not that bad a dude, or do you mean you’ll stop ruminating and being angry with him? Because if it’s the latter, then your second-to last sentence basically says: “I won’t move on completely until I move on.”

Exactly. You won’t move on until you move on. There’s actually nothing in your way. Just give yourself some time to have the emotions you’re having, and gently remind yourself from time to time that it’s OK to move on now. Or later, if you’re not ready yet.

You were hurt. Don’t try to bludgeon your hurt into submission by insisting you have to forgive him. Just allow the hurt to pass through.

Sometimes people use meditation to numb emotion, yes. That doesn’t mean meditation isn’t a valid and useful tool. Some people use hammers to smash windows and cause damage.

Since you’re not really asking about meditation but about a particular situation with this teacher, maybe raising your real question in a different sub-forum would get you a more useful set of responses. It sounds like you’re having difficulty expressing yourself clearly towards this person:

when the message finally got across (more through my actions than words I suppose) […] I thought maybe I might explain why I was upset, and I suppose I even promised that I would, but…[…]

Better communication, focussed on expressing your feelings without making this person responsible for them and saying clearly what it is you want, might provoke a more satisfying response from them. Or it might not. Sometimes people will abandon you and you don’t know why. You may have to find another teacher.

I hope you find a good way through this.

You don’t have to carry the guilt of all those students and all that debt. It’s not on your shoulders. That guilt belongs to the school, to the students themselves and their advisors and parents, to the system that drives people to pursue further education, any kind of further education, to the culture, and the banks, and more besides. They can all help you carry that guilt, and once you realise that you played a tiny role, perhaps it won’t feel so crushing.

Guilt, like pride, grows out of an overblown sense of one’s own importance. Ease up on that: it’s not on you. You learned about what you don’t want to do with your life, and today you can choose something else. How wonderful.

Well, this could be a great marriage, or it could be the biggest mistake of your life. And I’m not sure anyone can tell you which it is.

Do you think there’s any way you can have a three-way, in person conversation with a negotiator of sorts (a counselor, respected family member, priest, or whoever) to really hash this out? It seems in your conversations you raise your worries and he either waves them away or agrees to “cut down a bit” and this is not doing anything to ease your worries.

I would encourage you to really try to have a different kind of conversation about this issue, if you can make that happen somehow. One where he really hears you, and you really trust what he’s saying.

This is a tough one. I hope it works out for the best.