Good question. I feel I’ve put the past behind me, I don’t know if I’m totally over it, specifically because people tell me I’m not. I’ll reminisce and they claim it’s me bringing up the past. Very confusing. I feel it’s when you can tell a story and not feel anything [beyond maybe nostalgia for the memory I guess] you’re over something.

I also feel overwhelmed with life’s troubles at times. I suppose you should ask yourself which pain is worse, the pain of failing or the pain of regret. This is my last week at a job I’ve worked for 3 years which was torture emotionally and mentally [and I guess physically because of my foot/hip pains as a result of standing 10 hours] and I’m terrified but I know the fear of might not finding a job for a while is less painful than staying here. On top of that I’m moving somewhere I’ve never been, and again I’m scared. Some days I contemplate staying put, but I know how miserable I am here, the fear is temporary, give it a week or two and I’ll settle into my new surroundings and that fear will be gone.

Life is about choices, sometimes they’re bad, but they help you in the long run, you just need to learn how to keep fear in check. [Lol, I’m one to talk, my boyfriend has to pay me on the head almost daily and tell me I’m going to be ok.] Maybe you just need some reassurance from a loved one.

Well, while I’ve worked with people who have been in the industry for years it’s because they enjoy it, not because they are too scared to try anything else so they try and drag people down.

I did work one job with someone who hated me. The first job I had out of college the owner decided to hire his friend to work the dish pit for some extra cash and he hated me. He even told me so. He also called me a lot of choice words [can’t say any here but I’ll let you guess what words one could use to insult a female] he was also mature enough to make faces and gestures behind my back [other people told me] he hated me because I was quiet and did my work, which to him meant he could call me names. [The biggest one was he would call me a virgin because he claimed the reason for my attitude was because I’ve never been laid.] Anyway I brought it up to management and because he was friends with the owner they just shrugged and said watcha gonna do? Thankfully he only worked there one summer.

Perhaps make a promise to yourself not to return? You know you’re not happy, so even it doesn’t work out with this new job, go to a different restaurant, or try a different field. I know you say you enjoy who you work with, but they seem kind of negative and hurtful. I worked with these sisters for two summers, sure we could joke and talk and we got along, but they would not listen to me when I [as their manager] asked them to do things, or they would follow me around proclaiming how the place would close down. ‘Oh this place is going to close, I’m so glad I’m going to become a teacher and this is just a summer job’ ‘why should I sweep? This is just a summer job before I become a physiotherapist, what are they gonna do? Fire me? Haha’ yea. I got that a lot, it wore me down and made me panic.

Have you ever tried asking yourself what’s the worse that could happen? If this job doesn’t work out what’s the worse that could happen? Once you figure that out, try asking yourself if this job doesn’t work out, what to I have time to do? Or what would I do? Just so you realize it’s not as bad as you fear. But, try focusing on the best case.

Well, I don’t know how bad your anxiety is, but myself, whenever I feel very anxious or sense a panic attack coming I go somewhere quiet, close my eyes and take ten slow deep breaths. If you can’t find a quiet place [I know that’s not always plausible] just stop and take some slow deep breaths.

Meditation, journaling, and mindfulness has also helped my anxiety. Specifically you should try meditation and journaling. Meditation can help calm yourself after a busy day, journaling can bring insight. My first journal I would carry with me and whenever I wanted to remember something I would write it down. After some time, go back and read though the journal. You will find some things that might help you. My one journal I have had for almost 3 years [I started August 2013 and I’m down to my last couple pages] I would go over it on new year’s because enough time passed I could observe my thoughts better. 2013 i was very bitter, still mad at my ex, even though I have an amazing boyfriend and the breakup was 3 years prior. I felt I moved on, 2013 i started journaling to find what I want to do with my life, and reviewing I realized a lot of my goals at the time were fueled by a ‘I’ll show my ex’ attitude. 2015 ended and I’m finally over the ex hurdle, but I noticed other ‘problems’ I wasn’t aware of. Point is, you might be able to pinpoint where to ‘start’ through journaling.

When I started my journey of self discovery [hate that term but I guess it works] I made a list at the beginning of what I wanted and why. [And reading it years later I can’t help but shake my head at what a fool I was] a list might help you find your first big ‘complaint’ with yourself. After I found mine I read a lot of articles on the subject which usually branched into similar fields, and I would slowly shift my effort from one problem to the next. So, I feel you shouldn’t focus but flow. One day your energy might be all about weightloss, the next day you might want to finish a book you started 6 months ago. While you are still eating right and exercising more, it will eventually become second nature, so juggling goals will help you.

Granted, that’s just stuff that helped me and I simply stumbled into it lol ^_^; if you feel you can’t do it alone, talking to friends, family, or perhaps a councillor might help more. Good luck to you.

I kind of know what you mean, it’s like telling a depressed person to think happy thoughts. If it was that easy we wouldn’t feel so bad. ‘It wasn’t meant to be’ it’s just an easy thing to shrug and say, and while it may be true, doesn’t really help.

As to why the relationship ever happened, life is a journey, not all experiences are meant to last forever. The breakup hurts, and you might be recalling only the bad times after a bad breakup, but it wasn’t all bad, and you learned from it. It happened because it’s what you wanted at that moment. It might not be a ‘forever love’ but it was perfect for that moment. Maybe these two people will get back together one day, maybe not, but one day you might look back on that time and smile because of the memory or lesson.

Little confused by your typing but I think your issue is comparing yourself to your peers, coupled with a lack of social interaction. Everyone is on their own path, one might focus on career while another on relationships. You may not notice you’re comparing yourself, but one day you will look back and notice it. At my low points I felt like a failure because I’m [age] years old and I’m still here while my friends are there. [Heck, I’m 26 without kids and the local paper has a photo of two friends from high school who had their first kid on new year’s day.] At some point something will just click.

Don’t get discouraged you didn’t make the list. You could do a number of things from here, you could study more, evaluate what needs your attention, and work harder towards your job goals. You could view your life as a whole and figure out what you like and don’t like and work on improving them. You mentioned how you miss your friends, try setting up one night a week [if possible] where you guys can hang out. In person is always best, but if there’s an online game you like, or Skype or whatever. All but one friend lives at least half an hour away, and the friend who lives in town works long hours and has a 2 year old. I work equally long hours and don’t have a car, but I text everyone once at week. You might need to find this balance in your life. Another option is to find a circle of like-minded people to hang with and strive for similar goals. You can still have both groups of friends, but it never hurts to make new friends.

Good luck to you!