@anita

I think we confused the situations. I was referring to my mother, did u not? I was not talking about the girl.

No no, i would like to get my feelings back for her like crazy, i mean the changing myself and stuff.

We stopped contacting each other because she told me she was overwhelmed with family stuff and she had no energy to talk, so i told her to hit me up anytime she feels better or needs something if i can help and she said “yes honey we will talk”
But its been 5 days and radio silence..My mind tells me she is trying to leave slowly but that’s what it always does, catastrophizing.

I am wondering if what i have is nothing but depression/anhedonia and the stress of losing her makes it worse, and it doesn’t have to do with attachments and stuff, maybe its pure burnout/depression/anhedonia. Because i can barely get out of bed, no matter what i do i have no energy, i feel nothing, i can’t laugh with friends, i can’t care about anything.

@roberta
I am trying but nothing works, it feels as if im a spectator and im watching everything happening, i am envious of others that have life inside of them, i feel like a shell.

Hey anita

“Did your mother complain to you that he (the man in her life who happened to be your father) used her? Led her on? Passed his time until he got bored with her?”- No, just how their relationship wasn’t good and he wasn’t doing enough, wasn’t present enough/etc.

Yes, everything that you wrote on your last message resonate with my life in the past idk, 15+ years? But why did this come up now with her? I’ve had other girls express feelings towards me in the past. Also, i knew that she wants me long before that. Maybe i deactivated and THEN all those resonated? Maybe its the state i’m in now? Also, how can i change it if this is true? Can i reactivate my feelings?

[quote quote=454816]That you might hurt her? That you had to be careful not to hurt her?[/quote]
I didnt see that one, yes that i have to be careful now, that i hold something “fragile” in my hands.

No, i just thought of that because she expressed how she felt. Even though i already knew she’s into me months ago, but maybe this hit different. Or it was just the timing that i was coming off the new relationship energy?

Well, my idea of love (in the romantic situations) is the feeling of wanting to be with the other person 24/7 or missing them all the time, wanting to talk to them, be with them. If i don’t feel like this, it doesn’t gauge my interest, i feel fake, and i hate being fake.

On the other hand, i know consciously that love=empathy, caring, affectionate. But what good does that do if i can’t “feel the motivation” to do it? U feel what im saying?

We’ve have mentioned it again here but how can i know if that’s the case? I wasn’t consciously “expecting” things to get to this point. I never do in my relationships because i hate it. The only feeling i can think of escaping is the feeling of “not being enough” for the other person and letting them down, since this is how i kind of felt (i think??) when she confessed her feelings, that “now i have to be extra careful not to hurt her. This and the feeling of “responsibility” which came after probably.

I dont remember if i mentioned it again, but therapist said that “i have an interesting way of receiving love, or rather not receiving it at all”, i told her about the other day that 2 of my friends would refuse to meet if i wasn’t with them and they would cancel plans and how this enraged me and made me feel “responsible” for them like they’re little kids and need a parent. But she said that as a third person, she sees that as an act of love (from them-to me) that they want to include me in their plans and want to have a good time WITH me. So she said “maybe that’s what happened with the girl as soon as she expressed feelings?”. I had never thought of it this way, i immediately asked 2 people about my friends example and to my surprise, they said that they too would see it as a declaring of “love” or connection of sorts, rather than “responsibility” like i did. And i thought “wow, maybe the issue is me”. I also catastrophize and expect the worse every time, so that possibly numbs me bit by bit.

Plus, i think if i’ve only been using her as an escape, i would be on my way to find the next “escape” and i wouldn’t think twice about her. I definitely felt a bond with her, especially up close. While i was with her, i felt the intense pull to hug her, kiss her, kiss her hand/forehead, squeeze her tightly in my arms, the kiss felt magnetic. Even at the airport while i was saying goodbye to her, i started crying but i quickly turned around. I don’t think all those were made up.