Hi jenna,
What I came to realise in situations like this is that there is no right or wrong for you to feel. If you feel that it doesn’t sit well with you & that you don’t like it, then don’t question it. These are your thoughts, beliefs & values & what you believe in.

I personally wouldn’t like it if a guy I was seeing/being involved with was liking his exes stuff & I would question what the relationship between them is. If the answer didn’t sit well then I wouldn’t pursue it. This is also why it is so important not to get physical before knowing all of this. I remember when I first started seeing my boyfriend he had his ex girlfriend on Facebook as a friend & when I asked him about it he said “if it bothers you & makes you sad I will remove her”. I had previous past issues with boyfriends & ex girlfriends so always had that shadow over my head & for me now, it’s about trusting that person – but I wouldn’t say you’re at that stage.

I’d say it’s down to you how you feel as to how you move forward – if you don’t agree with it, talk to him about it & be completely open about your feelings.

Hi OakPine,

I agree with Anita. If she cannot sit down & have a successful conversation with you then I feel like there is a very small chance of this relationship lasting. What happens when you have children & for example you disagree with the way she has disciplined them, so you mention this to her (in a positive way) & she gets angry, starts crying, disagrees with you heavily & nothing get resolved? You’ll end up feeling resentful, so will she, the children will pick up on it & possibly use this form of communication (or non-communication) when they grow up, transferring this negative way of communicating. Even if you don’t have children, you’ll both end up feeling resentful because she will feel attacked & you won’t feel heard.

Hi Samantha,
I was thinking, before you have the conversation, if you haven’t already..

What makes you think this? Sometimes our perception of how things ‘should’ be done, can cloud our perception of whats working for each individual?

Hi maggie mac,
Please can I first ask, you are still married, correct?

Hi Sebastiaan,
I too am a little confused about your situation, so will answer based on what I think I understand.
I feel that you’re caught up on your ex-girlfriend because although not healthy, maybe she was the first person following your abusive childhood that made you feel special, gave you attention & maybe made you feel loved? This connection, even if it was a little unstable, for a small time maybe made you feel a little more complete? Would you agree?
So losing that connection, & not with proper closure, may have reopened any feelings/wounds that may have hurt from childhood.

Regarding your current girlfriend, who you’ve yet to meet, I think you may be getting a little anxious about all the possible outcomes that can come of you meeting. But in reality, all you can do is take each day as it comes, & as Anita said, be open, honest & completely yourself. If you get on – great, if you don’t it’s not such a big deal, is it?

Hi Connie,

I’m not sure if I’ve said before but I’ve been in your position, so know how you feel.
What you need to realise is that you will probably never know his thoughts, feelings or why he is actioning the way he is. You need to stop trying to find the answers by questioning him & the situation. You’ll drive yourself mad, if you haven’t already! He probably doesn’t want to completely let go of the fact you two have ended, & holding onto your stuff is the perfect way to keep you in his life, even if not directly. Once you have collected your stuff you’d have no reason to contact him, which he may not like the thought of. This is also a bit of control on his part, you may only get the stuff when HE gives you permission to do so.

Can I ask what the stuff is?

Hi Michelle,

Well done so far on how far you have come.
I haven’t read others comments, so apologies if I repeat what they’re saying but would like to give my outlook on it.
In my opinion your boyfriend should never have let his friend come & stay with you knowing (I’m assuming he knew?) he was using. This is, in my eyes, unfair on you, considering your situation.
I also wonder why you didn’t confide in your boyfriend & get the support you needed for the issues you were facing, instead of using drugs again? Maybe that’s why he feels hurt, because you didn’t confide in him?
If he feels he cannot be there for you, then I guess you need to question actually whether you need or want him in your life anyway? Say he takes you back but drops you every time you slip up, is this going to be something that would help you?.. I wouldn’t have thought so. I’m not sure if also, you feel safe speaking to him about some issues, therefore, do you have the right connection to be emotionally connected anyway? We should be able to openly & honestly communicate, even the hardest of truths, to our partners.