Dear Cali Chica and Anita,

Apologies for my post here but I wanted to express my gratitude for this insightful communication that you have been having.

Thank you

* Re-posted

Dear Cate,

A guy who ended up sleeping with one of your sorority sister and one of your closest friends, someone leading you in to a deep depression, someone with an alcohol and a drug problem, a self admitted sociopath, someone who makes you feel worthless.

Being his girlfriend doesn’t seem like a good thing for you given all these things. You are good enough on your own. You not being his girlfriend is not about you, it is his loss.

Taking a break from whatever relationship you have with him sounds like a good idea. With you feeling that way (“I want him in my life; I just don’t want him to have a girlfriend”), continuing to be friends is likely to do you more harm than good.

Take care

Dear Aria,

Good to read about the increase in your confidence level and your involvement in volunteer opportunities.

Therapy seems like a good option as it will help you in resolving the underlying issues behind your depression which are often deep seated and have a nasty habit of recurring in different circumstances.

What are the other things that give you a sense of purpose? From your first post it looks like you value honesty and friendships.

Hope you are able to completely resolve both current and past issues.

Take care.

Dear Valkyrie72,

I appreciate your concern for him and the desire to help him. Currently I am helping a loved one cope with anxiety and I would like to share what I am learning about it.

Anxiety arises from behaviors that are learned in childhood, occurring either while coping from some distress or as a learned behavior from one of the parents. Having suffered from anxiety yourself, you can appreciate the role of expert therapy and counseling. Recovery from that is an ongoing process and a time frame cannot be fixed for it. But either way seeking professional help is a good idea.

You can help him find ways of calming down when he gets affected by it – like deep breathing, slowing down things, meditation etc. With respect to your situation he seems to be having anxious thoughts about commitment so when you approach him a reassurance that that is not the top most thing on your mind should help him open out to you.

Hope to read from you.

I will share more as I learn more.

Take care

Dear Friendly,

Nice to read from you again. Feels good to note the optimism in your words.

Regarding the fear about brain changes that rejection creates, changing the meaning of what a rejection means can possibly direct the changes in the brain. I believe you have already started doing that. Despite the rejection that you faced from your friend, you communicated with her. And the rejection was seen as something about your friend and not about you.

Journalling, self care, mindfulness and meditation will all give you the tools in making the changes that you desire not only preventing you from becoming better and closed off but helping you blossom back in to the social butterfly that you were.

Take care.

Dear noname,

Doing something that I feel is to the benefit of others is something that makes me feel worthy of myself. That feeling is strengthened when there is a sense of equanimity about the impact that has been made by the actions that I have taken.

Wish you the peace of mind that you strive for.

Take care.

Dear Allison,

Looks like your future options need time before any decision is made.

It may feel wrong to live together due to the distance that you feel but it is probably right since you have done it for your kids. Children tend to be affected by these things so while you figure out your course of action please try and ensure that your kids have your full attention when you are with them. That I feel would be top priority for now.

Take care