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I’ve never heard this question expressed this way before: “how do I get who I am on the inside out?” Interesting way to think of it! I’m giving you a different perspective than the responses above – see if it helps; if not, ignore me 🙂
If you’re starting to get into spirituality (since you mentioned you’re getting into Buddhism) you’re probably starting to hear about the two parts of us – the Human side of us and the Being side of us. The human side of us is the body, mind and form, which is quite immersed in the earthly life, including our friends, food, jobs, relationships, health, etc. But then there’s the Being side of us – the intangible deeper part of us – the soul, or the inner being, that’s all about joy and freedom and lightness.
The reason it’s so hard to bring who you are on the inside out is because the human side of us is so heavy, dense and quite controlled by the society around us. As soon as your sensitive, compassionate inner being gets ridiculed for its joy and compassion, it recedes inside back into its cocoon.
If you want to continue on your spiritual path, you must continue to stay in touch with that compassionate, joyful inner being. Whether you want to express it in words or not doesn’t matter – your friends around you are probably just not ready for that side of you. If they appreciate that side of you, they’ll stick around and stay with you; if not those friendships will dissolve. But don’t be deterred from your path because of their reactions. As you grow into becoming who you really are on the inside, the world around you will change accordingly!
- This reply was modified 6 years, 11 months ago by Saiisha.
I’ve heard this question before, but always the answer that comes back from within me is that I don’t really mind not leaving a legacy, I don’t mind not being remembered. So many of us live such anonymous lives. After a mere 100 years, or less, my own grandchildren or their children won’t even remember me… and I don’t mind that.
Do you journal? If you’re soul-searching, that’s a great way to integrate your ideas, thoughts and experiences at the end of each day. And looking back through old journals helps to show you your own journey as you go along. It also helps to put things on paper so your mind can stop mulling over them and get back to a quieter, more peaceful place 🙂January 14, 2016 at 2:21 pm in reply to: Parents divorcing at the same time of a bad break up. No one to talk to, so alon #92546
Oh gosh cath, seems like life throws bad things in threes sometimes, doesn’t it? So sorry to hear about your suffering! I know there’s not a whole lot anyone can say that would make your pain go away, but I do believe that these difficult times teach us things about ourselves that we never knew about. So hang in there!!
Guilt is a mind-made concept. Your mind has a few tools in its arsenal, like fear, comparison, etc., and guilt is another one of those that makes you worry about “being a traitor” to your own religion. In reality, a religion’s job is just to put you on the path to freedom – you shouldn’t feel trapped by it! So if you’re resonating with Buddhism (or any -ism) that doesn’t make you feel trapped, but instead makes you feel free, that’s a good thing! And you don’t really have to convert to become a Buddhist – you just have to be open to who you really are, that’s all!January 11, 2016 at 3:47 pm in reply to: explain extreme suffering and karma of good beings #92136
Hi Erin, so sorry to hear about the horrible pain and suffering in your life. It’s hard to make meaning of things like that, but I read a book recently that might help you understand it. It’s called “Your Soul’s Plan”, by Robert Schwartz and it has case studies of people who had some incredible hardships, but were able to understand how that fits into their soul’s journey.
Hi Wendy – you seem to be on the edge of becoming – 24 and just starting out – an exciting time, despite some of the missteps (like the corrupt fashion design industry you encountered). But there’s nothing wrong with that – it’s all there to teach us the lessons we need to learn.
And then, as Inky mentioned – there’s that little thing called money that the world revolves around. There’s two schools of thought here – the one where they say “Jump and the net will appear” and the other where you create your own net so you know it will be there when you need it 🙂
Either way, I think it’s an exciting time to be where you are, and your interest in spirituality can be the anchor that helps you become who you are, find your soul’s purpose, and then creating the life you want to live.
My work is about helping people discover their Dharma, the inner wisdom that prompts you to become who you are. I’d love to help you with your journey, or any questions you might have: firstname.lastname@example.org
Or check out my website and see if it’s something that speaks to you: http://www.NestInTheForest.com
Good Luck on your journey!!
Hi Laia, you’ve got plenty of hugs from the community here, so it’s good to know that there are lots of people who care, doesn’t it!?
What I wanted to add was Gandhi’s famous quote: “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” This is really the only way you can change the world. It might not seem like enough, but if you do create the world that you want to see around you, it will create a ripple effect through your family, friends and the society around you.
Maybe try to put into words what you’d like your ideal world to be like, and go on to start creating it. That’s what I’m doing, in my own small way 🙂
Hi J – I agree, a lot of times, family is overrated! To deal with them can be an obstacle course of dodging expectations and obligations… so I don’t blame you for not wanting to take their unsolicited advice, because they’re probably coming at you from the “family rules and reputation” perspective. You can stay in touch with them, stay polite, but stay out of the politics.
As for your inner changes, it seems like you’re ready for them. You’re noticing what you need to change… what you need to say No to… who you need to stay away from. The reason you don’t have to regret some of your rotten decisions is because they come with their own lessons that you learn along the way. So you’re actually already learning – it might take longer to get a certain lesson than others, but as I said, your acknowledgment is the first step, and you’re already on your way.
The “disease to please” is drilled into us early on in our lives… we’re taught to please our parents, teachers, friends, etc., so saying No is a very hard lesson to learn for a lot of us. What helps me is to prepare myself ahead of time to say No to certain asks. For example, I already know I’ll always say No if I have to travel somewhere for a wedding or an event. I already know I’ll always say No to corporate work lunches (I don’t work at a corporate job anymore so I don’t have this problem now). But you see where I’m going – if you prepare ahead of time to say No, you won’t have to make a split-second decision when someone asks you. It might take a little longer to be able to say No and not feel like you have to give an excuse. But you’ll get there 🙂
I think your recognizing and acknowledging that this is how you operate is a great first step J! Because without that recognition and acknowledgment you’d never be able to change – now at least you know what needs to change, if not how. You said you don’t like asking or taking advice, so I won’t give you any 🙂 but just wanted to let you know that there’s nothing wrong with the way you’re operating – yes, it’s a hard way, but it’s a way and it works for you – for now.
Hi DonnyD, I wonder if you’re trying to do too much, all at once, and looking for some sort of results? If the only result you’re looking for is happiness, then why try so hard with the self-improvement activities? Or is the result you’re looking for a self-improved person?
Long term happiness is an illusion – life always hands us ups and downs, and our journey of self-improvement is to react better to these ups and downs – you can’t get away from them!
However, you can follow joy. Joy is fleeting, in-the-moment, found in the tiniest of pauses, wonder in the wildest of things, magical in the simplest of incidents. You can practice following joy, looking for it in your everyday going around, and not try too hard. If you try too hard, it might slip away 🙂
Reminds me of an Anne Morrow Lindbergh quote – “For happiness one needs security, but joy can spring like a flower even from the cliffs of despair.”
I hope this helps!
I do this ritual myself at the end of each year – I look back at the year that just passed, take stock of where I am, and look ahead to the coming year. I’m sorry to hear you felt like you had a rubbish year, and I’ve had a few of those myself, so I know what you mean; but I love how you turned it around to the lessons you learned from it. Here’s to a wonderful 2016!
As for me, I’m similar to you – timid, shy, couldn’t even imagine speaking to a set of 60 loud kids! But I set Courage as the word of my year for 2015 and I do feel a lot more confident at the end of the year than back in January. Even posting in public forums such as TinyBuddha hasn’t come easy, especially when there are so many people with so many different points of view, but when I see and hear from the people who tell me I’ve helped them in some small way, it makes me want to continue on this positive path.
And Jack, as always, I enjoy your perspectives – you certainly have a lot of positive to offer!!
And if we do get taken advantage of, we learn the hard way…
True, maybe Gandhi had his own agenda in order for him to recognize other people’s agendas!
As for your question, “does it take the evil in us to recognize the evil in others?” I think there may be some truth to that – we are after all a reflection of what we see; however I think it could also be your wisdom that sees through the “evil” in others.
Ignorance might be bliss, but only when we don’t know we’re ignorant!