So on the day of my birthday I received flowers at my work with a note, not knowing who it was from. I found out today they were from my ex. Never in 7 years did he send me flowers when we were together, why now?

He sent me a text today that said: At the end of the day, you have to live with yourself… I hope you’re doing what ” you” want to do. I won’t message you anymore. The disconnect is obvious. You know what I’m about, you know what’s important to me in life and what truly matters. You know where I’m at. I hope you like the flowers I sent you for your birthday. The weather yesterday put a smile on my face. It was cold and raining for a while. A fresh breath of air. It can’t rain all the time.

I don’t know how to respond… confused and anxious. ???

Hey Matt and to anyone who is reading this,

As I have stated above I have started dating a new man, whom I am having a great time with. We saw each other 4 times this past week. I’m thrown for a loop now bc my ex of 7 years called me this morning. I did not answer. He left me a long vm saying how he would like to talk to me and see how I am and that if I don’t respond he can read between the lines.

It made me very anxious and confused. I sit here and wonder would I call him if I wasn’t talking to this new person? He obviously didn’t call 2 months ago bc things were not good between us, they were unhealthy. I don’t think I want to talk to the ex, but is it only because I’m talking to someone new? I swear I’ve been in this position before and it’s happening all over again. I don’t like it and it really stresses me out and confuses me. What should I do to help me discover the answer.
Thank you. xo

Thank you Matt. You seriously are such a blessing. I appreciate your words.

I’m 32. If my ex was to ask me to get back together today I would say no although he still lingers in my heart. Maybe someday it will present itself again as I can’t tell the future, but I can’t live holding onto that idea because that’s not living presently. I’m off to self nurture, Kundalini Yoga, where I can connect with a higher power. Hopefully some answers will come from that. Much love, Lindsay

I guess my idea of fun would be to go for a walk on the beach or to dinner as that’s what they have mentioned. I totally understand your advice about not leaning on them for emotional support. In Pia Mellody’s Codependent book there’s a reference about being on a beach and seeing in the distant an island where you never suffer anymore (symbolic for “over” the the last relationship). There are 2 ways to get there, one a ocean line cruiser or secondly by paddling yourself in an imaginary boat. The catch is that ocean liner doesn’t go you all the way there, it only goes so far then it returns to where you started. What I’m saying is that I want to paddle out of this so I don’t end up worse down the road.

In response to your reply, I am signed up for a couple of creative classes and am also going to a girls wknd getaway. During the past relationship my ex and I broke up and I started dating other people and made have some made some bad choices which hindered us getting back together on the right foot after the fact. Now, I hear my ex in the back of my head telling me “That I’m going to end up worse off then before and that he won’t be there to help/save me.” I don’t want that to happen and plan to do everything to prevent that from happening.

What’s the balance between love and living? How do I set “friend” boundaries?

Thanks Jeff.

What about the saying “If you cant handle me at my worst then you dont deserve me at my best?”