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I think he is hurt, that’s why he isn’t responding. He really thought we were going to work through this. I did too until…
As far as the new bf, I know there is the initial “falling phase” that fizzles, but he is handsome, funny, exciting and unconventional, which I need. He keeps me on my toes. The only side that worries me is that he’s not financially stable as he is younger than me. I have expressed this to him. Also, my sister made a comment too; that I told her about him, which I usually don’t do.
I am taking things slow with him as a foundation is very important. We have a lot in common and have a blast together. We are doing a long distance and he may move near by. I don’t think it will fizzle. I was honest with him too and told him about my ex and how I chose to see “us” through.
He was very apologetic and said he lost sight of what he had. He was so sad. He also said he would regret this the rest of his life if we didn’t end up together. We were going to work on it but then i met this new person who rocked my world. Just very wishy washy on my choice. Dreamed of my ex, maybe just mourning as i really haven’t. I’ve also reached out to him to check on his health and he ignores me.
I wake up sometimes doubting myself and my choice. Did i throw something great away? I feel like the person who threw it away rather than fix it, that’s what do many failed couples do today. I just hope i chose correctly. I was eith the old guy for 4 years. I’m 35, just don’t want to waste time.
Thanks for responding ElleTinker, I appreciate the time that went into it and the wise words. Your relationship sounds happy and healthy. 🙂
You said, “Now, how much you love him or not I cannot answer that because I don’t live inside your heart of emotions. There is no such thing as the perfect partner but if you feel that you are no longer happy with him, then it’s time to have a personal discussion with yourself about what it is that you want out of life.” – You nailed it on the head, I don’t know what I want out of life. I think I know, but as decisions are hard for me I don’t know if marriage/kids is the route for me. I also don’t want regret. They say distance makes the heart grow founder, but is there a line that that if that’s the only thing that makes you feel love, is it really love?
“Couples that are successful in marriages/relationships have a deep understanding of communication and each others needs because they truly love and care about one another. That is why their relationships thrive to last.” I feel this is true about my current relationship. We do truly care about each other and want to understand each other, but i feel he does a little bit more than me. He’d be the person I’d want to be with when I’m 80, when physicality is no longer an issue. He’s be a great father and a great person to raise a child with. But right now the lust and desire is lacking. We’re currently working on spicing it up.
We have an upcoming trip coming up… He makes a great travel buddy so hopefully between the conversations, understanding, and effort we can work this out or come to an answer. Thank you.
What do you mean by stating you are “so wishy washy”? My love for him changes. One day I’m in love the next I’m not. Therefore I think love is a choice, along with an emotion.
With him or in previous relationships as well? I was like this in other relationships too.
Professionally? As far as my career I had no definitive path. I kind of fell into my position nd often question if this is what I was meant to do. Similar to relationships.
I have friends but keep them at a distant. We meet up, catch up and that’s as far as it goes. I don;t feel as if we truly know each other as we aren’t around each other constantly. I fear that if we are, my fiends will get to know me and see how boring I am.
I’ve been in long relationships before. 3-5 years at a time. I ask my current bf if he’s bored with me? He thinks I’m projecting what I feel onto him. Maybe I am. The routine is boring, not so much him. Work, dinner, bed, the grind. I have the summers off and I’m a completely different person then, but unfortunately he’s gone during the summer at work so he never gets to see that side. SO really we see each other half a year. Do I need that distance to feel the love for him? Is that wrong?
As far as passion my last relationship was steamy and sensual although no so healthy. The sparks are lacking in this one. The raw connection and lust…. I’m not drawn to pounce on him which I feel like I should want.
All of this that I’ve spoke of has been brought to his attention. He truly loves me and wants to make it work. I just don’t know if I’m feeling the same way or need him to leave again for the love to reignite. Hopefully this helps.
*I forgot to mention. This is also the first weekend he has been home in 6 months. This issue came up last night too which prevented us from quality time too. So I haven’t seen him all weekend. 🙁
Haha Anita, you put it so simply. I’m not quitting my job and either is he. So it is what it is. It’s easy when I’m busy, but I have a lot of down time now so it gets hard. I’ve put on my “big girls pants” for a while but they have seemed to fallen off. 🙁 The hardest part of being with him is this, when we’re together it’s easy. I’m just thinking ahead too if I end up with him, I’ll be like a military wife, a single mom for half the year. I’m going to stick it out and see what happens. I hope it’s worth it.
Heart vs head the never ending battle….
Great insight Tiny. Thank you. I always feel like I’m the heart breaker.
- This reply was modified 9 years, 2 months ago by Sassypants.
First off Happy Thanksgiving. I am grateful for all of you the post your advice. 🙂 Thank you for dedicating your time.
As stated above I have been in a relationship for a year now. He is wonderful, treats me right and really loves me. The problem is, I don’t think I love him back. I still fantasize about my ex. Although that past relationship was toxic the sex was mind blowing but it was only that. In my current relationship the communication and relationship is wonderful (we’re best friends), but the intimacy sucks in my eyes. I wish I could combine the sex from the past with the normalcy of the present relationship.
I often feel like I’m going to end this current relationship and regret it because he is such a stellar guy, minus he’s not established in the work force yet. I can’t help that I feel an intense gravitational pull to my ex. I recently have been talking to him. I know this is bad. The heart wants what the heart wants but my mind tells me otherwise.
I feel like I am unfair to my current man, talking to my ex behind his back. I also told him I didn’t love him and he still wants to be with me. I feel physically unattracted to him and just annoyed with him, like nothing pleases me. Is it my problem? I don’t want to hurt him and I don’t want to make the mistake of missing out on a great guy. I’ve been EXTREMELY honest with him and my feeling about this, but we continue to see each other. So I continue n this ship or get off? HELP
Steve you make a great point in needs versus wants, I stand corrected, thank you!
Thank you Amul, love the stress free life article.
Lastly, Alok, you have provided some insight. I will wait it out. I just don’t want to settle…. Thank you. xo
Thanks Matt for being straight with me.
Matt, are you saying I need to focus on myself and my dreams, not just the dream of finding my husband? I feel like I’m accomplished in my career and that the last piece to the puzzle is the man I spend the rest of my life with?
I also forgot to mention my roommates are coming home tonight and that’s another reason why I called it off. I feel like I have to keep him a secret and that I am embarrassed to have him over. That’s not a good sign.
Hey mike, you may have misunderstood me. My current bf I have dated for almost a year. My ex, i dated him for 7 years. The last year was on and off and it was not healthy. After ending that relationship, 3 months later is when I started dating my current bf. Make sense?
Thank you mike. You brought up a lot of great points. I appreciate the outlook.