I love this post! It’s so positive. So much on here is about tough spots in peoples lives (which I am a complete advocate of — I love how supportive this community is), however I also think its necessary to recognize the positive things in our lives 🙂

In terms of new years, I also gave myself a few goals this year. Mainly: get a job I love, find a place to live near said job, form a stronger bond with my boyfriend and become more confident. On New Years Eve I was called by my recruiter telling me I got my dream job and would start in a week. Less than a week later I found a house 7 minutes from work with 3 awesome roommates and an adorable puppy (I love animals so I’m pretty excited). My self-confidence still has a long way to go, but I’m slowly getting there! And every day my boyfriend and I feel more connected 🙂 So far a pretty good year!

Hope to hear other success stories!!!

Your relationship sounds beautiful and strong, and I really admire you for taking the initiative to become more confident! Thats wonderful Tami 🙂

I can understand that. I actually struggled with my flirtatious personality for a while. I dont want to make others uncomfortable or get the wrong impression. The problem is — I dance salsa. I love dancing and its one of my main forms of release from a rough day, but salsa is a pretty flirtatious dance. It’s just the way it is. So, in order to continue living my life in a way that makes me happy, I have chosen to be with partners who are not jealous and understand that it means nothing to me other than good natured fun. I think what makes it easy for them is that I am very honest with them, and I make sure everybody knows I am taken. I also make a point of showing to others that my partner is my priority when he comes with me dancing. I want them all to know that I have no intentions with them. And I talk about my boyfriend all the time, so its generally pretty clear 🙂 Also, I act exactly the same way in front of him as I do when hes gone, so theres no hidden agenda there.

“Why take the chance” is a completely valid feeling, but what is flirting is part of your hobbies, your job, your lifestyle? I have a friend who is a barista, for example. She is in a happily committed relationship, but at the end of the day, she only makes tips if she flirts. So she flirts. How do you view this?

Hi Ladybug,

I definitely have some insight here based on my own experiences (I have two older siblings), however I wanted a bit more information from you before I gave my ideas. How big is the age gap? When you say youre afraid of him, is it fear of the words he says, or has he been physically abusive? How do your parents handle this? Have you tried standing up to him before? If so, what were the results?

I hope to hear back from you. I would love to help in any way I can. I know how difficult conflict within family can be.

Hi Amber,

My heart breaks reading your story. I am so sorry that you are dealing with this, but I’m also humbled by the things you said. Bulimic until December 2015, which means to me that in February of 2016, you are no longer bulimic. That is a HUGE achievement and should be celebrated. You should be so proud of yourself – of what youve accomplished.

Also I would like to add here, that you are not alone. Just like you and many others on this thread, I have suffered depression and continue to suffer from anxiety and panic attacks.I had trouble at home and with friendships and a variety of other things in my life that are still with me today. My parents didnt believe me when I tried to express my anxiety to them (as they are both doctors and dont believe in psychiatry) and told me I was dramatic. It wasnt until I lost it in the middle of a class in college that I finally started to seek help myself.

I tried a few therapists, I tried talking to friends, I tried writing. All of these things helped, but nothing helped more than the therapist I am with now. He is the first person I have found who seems to speak the same language as me. Who can see where my anxiety comes from and help me to rationalize it. I stayed away from medication for some time but ultimately he put me on a low dose of a medication that helps stop the swirling of thoughts. I still talk to him today, and in the course of a year and a half my panick attacks have gone from several times daily to once a month (if that).

In my (adminittedly limited) experience, finding a professional who could relate to me was my key to feeling human again. I cant say I have answers for you because everyone is different, but I would suggest perhaps trying therapy again, with a different person who may understand you just a bit better. Just having that safe space to talk may help you.

And of course, please continue posting here. I am more than happy to help, to listen, to love, as is everyone else that is here. You have been through so much trauma, but life is also full of beautiful things you should give yourself the chance to see.

Im here for you. We all are.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 3 months ago by Dina.

Dear Adam — I do notice your thread here has become a bit off-topic, however I do hope you post again and pitch in if you have any input.

More to Anita,

I’m happy to hear I have helped. That is a huge part of motivation here. Helping others makes me feel I have some sort of purpose 🙂

And because you have shared, I would like to share too. As I’m sure was glaringly obvious, I could see a lot of myself in Adam’s girlfriend. I, by nature, am a flirtatious person. No matter if I’m single or taken or talking to a male or female, I tend to be a flirt. Because I am a straight woman, nobody views my interactions with other women as a threat, but I can understand how my actions with other men could be seen that way. I think a lot of it comes from the fact that I am an avid part of the salsa dance community, which tends to be flirtatious in nature (its a sensual dance after all). However, because I never have any intentions of acting on my flirtations, I never view them as bad or hurtful. If ever comes a point where someone gets the wrong impression, I always bring up my significant other and make it absolutely crystal clear that I am not unfaithful.

Fortunately, I have been lucky enough to date men who accept this part of me and dont see it as a threat, but rather smile and embrace it. However, in reading these posts, I have become more conscious of it and have begun to question why I do it and if it’s good or bad.

I actually spoke with my boyfriend about it last night and he told me for him, there are two pieces that make my flirtatiousness not an issue for him. 1. He has seen that it is how I interact with everyone. I even do it with his friends (I make fun of them in a playful way in front of him). Because I dont hide it, and because I do it with people he trusts, it doesnt bother him. 2. He trusts me completely and knows that I would never betray him, which also makes it a non-issue.

Anyways, I just wanted to share the above to show that everyone’s comments come from their own experiences. I think thats why this forum is so lovely and successful. Everyone can come at things from a different point of view. In my opinion, there is no right or wrong, but simply different choices on which perspective makes the most sense for you.