According to your last message though, you were mad that he was liking another girl’s pictures on Instagram (which initiated you sending another message).

From the outside, this reads like jealousy. If there is no longing in your heart for something more, then why would his social media habits cause you to be upset? It may be worth reflecting on that to understand your motivations.

I don’t think anyone can force someone else to respond to them. He has communicated boundaries. You may continue to hurt yourself and the prospects of a friendship by not respecting them. In order to maintain a respectful friendship, I feel you need to give some space and let him make the next move. You may be unintentionally overwhelming him and pressuring him.

Eli – just out of curiosity, how old are you?

If you are looking for a person to form a respectful relationship with, then I wouldn’t suggest having sex with them until you are sure you can trust them and that they are committed to you. This will probably take more than one or two dates.

Finding the right person will take time. They won’t be a married man.

• This reply was modified 5 years, 4 months ago by Michelle.

My initial impression is that he sought an emotional affair online (you happened to be the person he did it with), probably is still married, and is now trying to extract himself from the fantasy he tried to set up as you have admitted feelings. Is this a possibility? You’ve stated he needs to focus on family which is where I’m basing my assumptions.

At any rate, it will hurt for awhile but I feel like this entire relationship had an element of fantasy to it that needs to be addressed to move forward.

I’m totally going to get flagged for this, but it needs to be said: as someone who lost their father to Stage IV cancer a few years ago, I understand where your boyfriend is coming from and I support that he wants to help his family and spend as much time with them as he can before a potential disruption occurs. I don’t think you fully comprehend how hard and life-changing this is. Perhaps take some time to understand it, rather than bemoaning your own inconvenience.

The fact that you are secretly wishing his father would pass sooner tells me you two should not be together. That is not the mindset of someone who is in love. Of someone who is supportive. Of someone who is understanding. That is the mindset of someone who is selfish.

Your boyfriend has known you for just over a year.

His father has been there for life.

You really need to look at the bigger picture.

An important – but hard – lesson to learn in life is that you won’t get closure from everyone. But you can take steps to move forward on your own. Based on what you wrote, and the immaturity I see on his part, I doubt you will get the closure you need from him. He sounds immature and manipulative, treating women as objects to satisfy his needs rather than actual human beings. These are not desirable traits in a partner so from the outside, it would appear that you are better off for being rid of it.

Having said that, I know it’s not as easy as “letting go and moving on”. You shared a history with this person and I understand the pain of feeling used and discarded by them. I’m really sorry you experienced that. Time will need to run its course. Right now, I think the best thing you can do is block his account (and his ex/current?). Don’t invite that into your life.

I feel like there is a lot going on here (admittedly, some of which appears as red flags for me).

You have only been dating him for four months. That seems quite soon to be discussing marriage and children to me. The polygamy thing may not provide you with concern but does the practice of arranged marriage? Many Muslims practice this. The fact that you are of a different religion, ethnicity and cultural background makes a serious relationship quite unlikely. Have you talked to him about this specifically?

If he truly is talking to “multiple women”, it could be because his parents are setting him up with a potential spouse. I’m just putting this out there because it happened to me with an Indian, not Muslim, boyfriend. There’s a lot of pieces to your story that are written about after the initial post that are giving me pause. Guard your heart.

I’ve read through this entire post and can just say – RUN FOR THE HILLS!!!! There is a forest of red flags here.

Delete him from social. Don’t feel the need to get closure or anything (he would never, ever, do the same for you). Run. Run. RUN. Don’t look back.

I am a white girl who was involved with a South Asian. While with me, I found out he was courting “suitable” women on the side to appease his parents (suitable meaning same culture, caste, religion … as well as light skinned and virgin). I joined this forum to try and make sense of that. It’s been years now and I still haven’t. I will personally never understand the reasonings of some people from this background.

You are in a situation that is even MORE ideal that I was … and it still isn’t working out. I can’t answer that. No one can. There is a bond between Indian males and doing what their parents want that can’t be broken. It is duty to them. The only feedback I can give you is that at least this was just a six-month courtship. It sounds like you developed feelings but it probably won’t take long to get past them (in comparison, I was with my guy for two years; he would have continued had I not confronted him).

When someone shows you who they are, believe them. This guy is not going to change. You are never going to get closure. I know this won’t help you now, but I guarantee that a year from now, you will be thankful it ended when it did.

I wish you well. I know this hurts.

I would recommend the following:

– Google “arranged marriage” and “TinyBuddha” for other topics that came up regarding this.

– Check out this website: http://madh-mama.blogspot.com/2015/07/when-your-indian-boyfriend-leaves-you_31.html

There are thousands of stories just like ours online. No one ever has the answers.