Dear Anita,
I agree healing needs to be done. but past is past we can’t change that. We can only accept that and learn from it.
And there’s just so much good things that I still feel since my childhood. I get happy even seeing the smallest possible natural things happening around me. It makes me smile and forget all the worry and it does make me remember that my inner child is still alive and I’m taking care of that inner child in me. I’m not listening to others. Sometimes I sleep on the roof even if I get cold, but I know how much I love staring at sky filled with stars, Same for taking care of small plants leaf by leaf. Other thinks it’s silly and childish but I love it.

Dear Anita,

Today I was thinking about my relationship patterns when I was taking a walk and I found out these things
Most of my relationship Start with me giving good attention,
I feel so much attracted,
I do the extra caring
Writing letters and poems. etc
and like after some time if they also giving me same energy all goes well for few days
and after that when they finally start to get even closer with me, I just feel like I don’t know how to explain but like trapped?
And I just feel more distant when they try to be closer with me and I feel fear to be committed so after that I just try to avoid the deep feelings but already late from the other side
I never intent to hurt anyone and also in my next relationship I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings

What should I do about that?

Dear Anita,
“I am better than some, not as good as others”
It’s not easy to answer you haha but I hope you’ll be even better

And You just made my day with LIFE. I’ll work on that. but can you also explain how can I develop that Loving Inner Father Entity (LIFE)? Like how can I start? can you guide through the progress?

Thanks a lot
and Have a Funtastic day 😀

Addy

Dear Tee,
How you’re self-observing? You mean journaling how you feel and if it’s not something that you want you try to improve that state?

Dear Anita:

yes, definitely (over time, not immediately).
Thanks, I’ll try to do that

Your father’s current in-real-life criticism (aka outer critic) is maintaining that critical negative voice (aka inner critic), a critical, negative voice that your father is largely responsible for. If you block the outer critic, it will be the first step to weaken the inner critic.

Oh, I see you found a good insight from the details I’ve provided! how do you even remember this much? Give me secrets of your note takings😂

But as I’ve said I’m mostly blocking the outer critics. Eg. Like if you don’t know about Medical tings I wouldn’t care about your opinion.
I’m trying to be very rational and not just dwell in what everyone’s opinions about me. Because only I know What I’m capable of and What I’ve been through
I decide my limits, not other people.

your inner critic is causing you to lose your energy (see your own words in the quote, 2nd paragraph). Following the initial and unpleasant expenditure of energy asserting yourself with your father, and following the resulting weakening of the inner critic, you will regain much needed lost energy.

Yes, I prefer not to lose that energy and guide that energy for better things

do you mean that your father mostly does not criticize you, but from time to time he does? Does he say “do whatever you think is right for you” in a sincere tone or in an insincere, dismissive tone… a slightly angry tone?

No. He mostly doesn’t criticize me now. I wouldn’t even say time to time but like rarely. He’s actually saying that in sincere tone. Because he does know I’m doing what I can.

Dear Anita:

How’s your morning going?

 “If you had a child, a little boy, who trusts you and looks up to you (Addy) for love and protection, would you let your father (your boy’s grandfather) criticize your son like he criticized you, day after day (or once in a while), for as long as your father does it without the intention to hurt your boy, and for as long as he also has a soft spot for your child (between the criticisms)?”

No obviously not. Because I am aware of it and thing is that back in the days, I had this kind of thing like, I thought that he is doing this just to like to teach me like how to do like things “perfectly” I am not sure… Because that’s how he was raised Like you should be doing things “perfectly”

if you had a child, and you cared about your innocent child not being harmed (more than you cared about your father’s feelings), you would be different from your father, a different kind of father, and in a good way, wouldn’t you?

Yes obviously I would be different. I want to break this pattern and start the healthier pattern because I’m aware of it and I’ll try my best for that

because naturally, when people and other animals feel anger, they have the intention to hurt the object of their anger. The intention to hurt is inherent in anger.

Hmm Yes right I’m starting to accept different people with it’s different kind of abilities and inabilities

Dear Anita,

I thought about what you said and you’re not entirely wrong but I’m on holidays with my family and I think it’s just my father’s own triggers and traumas maybe? I can see that he’s somehow trying to blend in with me. And it’s just that kind of culture I grew up in we don’t disrespect elders but they can disrespect us. But not intentionally

Now think about this if my father is not able to aware about what’s actually triggering him or actually he thinks he’s right. His intention aren’t wrong and I do think that he have soft spot for me as well. He’s just doesn’t have EQ that we have. And the thing is that if I disrespect him it would just hurt him more. Which I don’t want to do.

About the financial support as an eldest son it’s my responsibility to support my family. And that’s just like a unwritten rule but it’s there and I’m not against it. Because I know I’m able to provide that and I don’t have a problem with that. Although I decided I’ll give specific amount every month like that I don’t have to worry about how much and what not.. Because I also have my own goals to accomplish

Dear Anita

Hope you’re having a happy weekend

Yes I agree with you and you’re right about that but how can I heal from that?

There are any things that you’re trying and it’s helpful to you?

I mean she didn’t wanted this matter to grow and fight more so she just told me be silent and she’ll talk with my father and try to make him understand. But I knew his mindset that he’s stubborn and he prefers only his point of view but I didn’t wanted to arguing anymore so