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SereneWolf
ParticipantDear Anita:
Let me give you some examples:
Today in my interview Recruiter told me I’m really calm and friendly person (Somehow, I was able to accept this compliment – because I started to believe that long ago?)
But, When he said you have quite diverse and impressive work experience (I was like ooohkkyy)I don’t think that’s just to be polite is it?
Also, when some gives me any physical compliment, I can’t accept without doubting or questioning myself. Although while another part of my brain thinking like does this really matter? NOPE. most of the time
SereneWolf
ParticipantDear Anita ๐
How are you doing today?What do you think what’s actually happening when I’m not able to accept good compliments? It’s more like Meh for me
SereneWolf
ParticipantDear Anita,
Well how silly of me I didn’t even knew the 2nd page is created, just today I noticed ๐
How are you doing? Good plans for the weekend? Things that you love during your weekends?About that yes! I do have that critical negative voice. but I’d say it’s dynamic because there is voice which makes me relax and resilient about things as well. As a child I’ve been like that who Always listened to my parents and Grandparents and someone who is not very demanding. I’ve sacrificed for lot of things and never asked for it. Although somehow, I knew it wouldn’t help me fulfil my emotional needs.
But don’t you think I striving for being better is a good thing? Now I do kind of feel that I’m good enough (Not sure though) But I do like to make myself better than the last day
So that’s why “child gets anxious and feels overwhelmed by being rushed this way” Interesting….PS Have a great weekend ahead
Addy
SereneWolf
ParticipantAlso Another thing,
Today I was talking to my friend, and I started to realize how much potential I have???
I have so many skills, Endless possibilities and there so much I can do! Then why I’m not able to maintain that energy of being enough? or idk deserving? I don’t have any idea how to explainSereneWolf
ParticipantBom Dia Anita,
Sorry but calling dear all the time? Naah better to have the good variations. If that’s okayAddy-the-boy emotions? and without critical thinking? Oh boy that’s hard I’m mostly very critical of myself and sometimes I also put that pressure to being better on my girlfriend as well eg. For eating, and sleeping healthy by being strict with her (LDR and time difference so you know)
Lately I did notice that patterned that I should just focus on my improvement and not tell others what to do.. They’re mature enough they know.. but I don’t know, I like to see my close ones achieving better things and most importantly being Healthy.
So I feel like sometimes I force them to be better which isn’t good.Yet there’s also the thing, like I’m not consistent in some areas then who am I tell them?
SereneWolf
ParticipantCoucou Anita:
First of I’m impressed with how much depth you go for. You’re very insightful
But don’t worry I’m not uncomfortable with addressing Dear(2) Very Important thing you pointed out that I didn’t knew before. I do accept sometimes I talk very energetic and optimistic way but you’re right it’s not everyone’s cup of tea. Point taken
When replying to a personโs message/ communicating with a person, pay attention to their style and somewhat adjust your outgoingness and optimism to theirs.
NOTEDWell why not?
I think you’re very mature and insightful person and I can learn lot from you as well
So I’m ready for that if you don’t have problem with thatSereneWolf
ParticipantDear Anita!
I’m glad your weekend was fine.
First of all, thanks a lot for detailed reply I appreciate it ๐Yes I’m actually working on soft skills by meeting with different type of Analysts and Managers and they did give me good feedback. All of them told me they like my mix of calming nature with leadership skills (Maybe that’s how INFJs like me? idk)
and yes of course your feedback is welcome. I’d appreciate thatSomething to remember for me,
have humility and compassion for yourself (and for others) for feeling intimidated by othersโ talent and success.focus on the progress you make every day, and build on that progress the next day.
About the CEN and the self confidence
I do agree with you. Now it’s just time to heal and making it better
What are the best ways or practices for that in your opinion?SereneWolf
ParticipantDear Anita,
How was your weekend?
Hmm I think you’re right I do have to work on that since everything isn’t in our hands. I do need to see the good progress that I am making so I can build up my confidence
About believing in your inherent worth:
So I think more or less has to do with my Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) like lot of people my parents didn’t knew my emotional needs and they did what they thought is right for me. They just wanted to protect me so…
So I’ve dealt with very Low self-esteem, self-compassion and self-confidence but I think it’s lot better than before Although I did built up kind of Insecure-avoidant attachment pattern which I’m still working on
Another thing is that in my teenage years I was very good in education area so they really had high hopes for me so I felt pressure, got really anxious, chosen wrong college course and eventually drop out from college because I knew I didn’t liked it and started my professional career earlier without even bachelor’s because I had good tech skills even at that time. And I’m living on my own since 16 years of age. And that time my parents were supportive of my decision, and they are still supportive.. It was a bad decision to start profession journey without bachelors’ I realized that so I started my bachelor’s as a distance student and full-time job…
But still they (Also me) want a good stability at this age which I’m not there yet. Even though I should be and I’m trying
Maybe that’s why I’m not feeling my worth?
Sorry if it’s too much info or maybe not really relevant… But I just felt like saying it soSereneWolf
ParticipantDear Roberta,
I’m trying to upskill myself. Both Tech skills and soft skills and I want to achieve it for myself obviously. I’m not comparing myself with anyone, but I’m intimated with some people how much talented and succeed they have in the same area that I’m trying for which does make me think how I’m going to get there I’m still stuck at this much lowI’m more mindful about my joy now though and I know when I’m putting my time in unnecessary things
notice the micro moments of happiness rather than chasing constantly, a mythical big future happiness a sense of contentment an achievement will pervade your life whilst working towards life goals
Hmm for this I do have to think about Also I do have to clarify I do really enjoy small moments. It’s easy for me to be happy
Eg. I look up at the sky and oh there’s the big blue sky and green trees..Yay I’m happy โบ๏ธSereneWolf
ParticipantDear Anita:
I hope you’re having great Sunday morning ๐To the answer, I actually had to look up how to know if you’re self-confident.
According to usf.edu
It means you accept and trust yourself and have a sense of control in your life. You know your strengths and weakness well and have a positive view of yourself. You set realistic expectations and goals, communicate assertively, and can handle criticism.Let me break it to you now
It means you accept and trust yourself
I accept myself but I don’t I trust myself very highly because I feel what if things go this way instead of this?ย and also, I have hard time trusting other people as wellhave a sense of control in your life
Not Always. I used to have very controlling behavior about everything but thanks to meditation and mindfulness practice I’m getting lot betterYou know your strengths and weakness
I do and still exploring thosehave a positive view of yourself
I do have positive view of myself
You set realistic expectations and goals
Yes I do. I’m very rational thinker and minimalistic as well socommunicate assertively, and can handle criticism.
Both Yes very wellTo your definition
a feeling of trust in your abilities and judgment – I do have trust in my abilities but if I’m trying too hard for too long yet I don’t see the progress I get frustrated for the time that I wasted, which makes it worse and that cycle uuugh
I just wanna feel like I’m making a good progress tbhbelieving in your inherent worth: that inherently, you are not inferior to anyone.
I think I do believe in my worth but still have to work
I don’t compare myself to others like before thoughSereneWolf
ParticipantDear Anita,
I’m glad If I’m able to make someone smile. And today’s case that’s you. My day is turned good to great and so thanks for making my day.
Let me know how that works for you. We can definitely learn things from each other ๐
Addy
SereneWolf
ParticipantDear Anita,
I can totally understand maybe that’s kind perfectionism because you don’t like to make mistakes. But as for my experience I think making mistakes is how we grow and improve. I mean faced similar situation where I just circle round with the same things if I’m not able to resolve that mistake. What happened, Happened. now there’s another chance of mistake but as crazy it may sound I just myself this question If “I make that mistake would I die? Probably not” then there’s another thing that people always says like you should learn from your mistakes and yeah, it’s true but for mind it’s not that easy. Mind doesn’t like to create new patterns that easily so you shouldn’t spend energy in something that you’re not capable of YET. I try to note things down what worked right and what can I improve next time
I guess you already know these things very well than me, but we all need reminders time to time so…
Have an Funtastic day ๐SereneWolf
ParticipantI’m doing quite well Thanks for asking. How about you? (Like for real)
I did manage to find a better way to apply for jobs and made new resume, And I have some interviews lined up as well so let’s see how it goes?
I’m kind of proud of myself how resilient and grateful I am, no matter the situation!Thanks again for checking up on me that’s really kind of you ๐
SereneWolf
ParticipantThanks a lot Anita. I think you’re right. I also do the gratitude prayers in the morning time. ๐
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