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October 7, 2018 at 2:50 am in reply to: Trying to deal with anxiety and loss after relationship break up #229487
The not knowing in terms of contact each day must be torture for you? Do you genuinely believe that a future for the two of you that’s happy and fulfilled is possible? Or is it more the loss that’s guiding your heart? The idea that you can’t live a life without him?
I want to be with this man, but when I ask why, the reasoning is not enough. The answer is ‘because I can’t bare living without him’….not ‘because he makes me happy and secure’….not ‘because I feel we’ll reach our full potential and be the happiest couple on earth’…. it’s because I’m afraid and I just want him back. If I ask that question of myself, the fear of this happening again is just enough of a tether at the moment to prevent me doing anything about contacting him.
It may not work indefinitely. I feel I’m coming to a point in the road where I will get in contact again. And it will be wrong I know, because the only tiny tiny hope we could have would be if he came back to me and wanted to change.
A friend just told me it’s ridiculously unfair but unfortunately it is as it is.
S xOctober 6, 2018 at 11:51 pm in reply to: Trying to deal with anxiety and loss after relationship break up #229473
Happy birthday and well done. At the point we are at- survival is an achievement so not texting him even after a few drinks is a courageous feat.
I’m not as strong today as other days. I’m alone and it’s early and there are no distractions so the pain is in full force. I’m sort of howling with tears, understanding exactly what happened and not understanding at all. I guess that’s the head and heart fighting.
Im on the brink of texting him. Rationally Inknow it will serve no purpose, that my friends and family will be disappointed and I’m fearful it will set me back in my so-called recovery and yet, the desire remains. I’m not sure what to do. I’ve been finding cold turkey extremely difficult because this person was in my life everyday and now nothing. It’s extreme.
I wish I could tell you I’m doing ok, to give you some hope, and maybe others would say I am, but it feels like I’m not. Ok, maybe I’ll stick it out and not contact, maybe as the weeks go by, the raw feeling will ease and the cravings won’t be as savage. But I genuinely feel I’ll never not be sad about it. That I’ll just get used to living with the pain, loneliness and loss. I can’t see my future as ‘happy’ per se. Just surviving. I guess therein lies the problem.
S xOctober 6, 2018 at 12:07 pm in reply to: Trying to deal with anxiety and loss after relationship break up #229431
Thanks Anita, you sound like you have a background in psychology. It’s a comfort to be on this forum as I see others are experiencing tough times too- we are not alone.
If anyone else made it through a relationship breakup where they thought they would never recover- could you please post how you are now or any advice?
Many thanksOctober 6, 2018 at 9:55 am in reply to: Trying to deal with anxiety and loss after relationship break up #229423
<p style=”text-align: left;”>Anita,</p>
You are correct, I’m not okay with the breakup. The second reference to having my shot was speaking in the voice of the powers that be, or whoever. I figure that’s what they must be saying.October 6, 2018 at 9:18 am in reply to: Trying to deal with anxiety and loss after relationship break up #229413
Thank you Anita,
I have been following every single piece of advice I can in dealing with a break up. I have just returned from a walk in nature, I try to exercise a little too, I’m meditating regularly and have support of family and friends. Music is a no-go area for me at the moment, but I watched a movie with my sister last night.
One might think these are indications that I’m coping, but I feel I’m not. The loss almost seems to much to bear especially in the context of the long term. It is widely acknowledged that there is no ‘one’ person for everyone in life, that many different people can bring you happiness at different times in your life. This is the case for millions of people who have had breakups. My difficulty has always been that I can’t get that to resonate with me. I did and still do feel that this man was my shot, my chance at happiness. That if it works- great and if it’s doesnt- too bad, at least you had your try. xOctober 6, 2018 at 8:51 am in reply to: Trying to deal with anxiety and loss after relationship break up #229405
Its a truly devastating experience. We have not had any contact since the day he ended it and people have said that is the reason I’m even half coping. The general advice is that contact will slowly kill you, not literally, but emotional torture. But to be honest, while I’m trying to maintain my distance, it is almost physical and mental torture. The only thing preventing me contacting is the fear that it will set me back 16days and that 16 days has been hell on Earth and I don’t think I could do it over. Actually a second niggling point is that if he wanted to be with me, he would CONTACT me. He hasn’t. So I can contact him, but it doesn’t seem as though he wishes to be in contact with me, so apart from the quick hit I’d get from inserting myself into his existence again for a brief moment, where will it get me. He hasn’t changed his mind or he would have contacted me. I realise as I type these words, I’m trying to convince myself.
It’s nice to know someone else on this earth knows the pain at this current moment and I don’t feel so alone. Have you been able to function otherwise?October 6, 2018 at 8:45 am in reply to: Trying to deal with anxiety and loss after relationship break up #229403
The questions were fine, I didn’t feel any particular way in relation to them.
SOctober 5, 2018 at 3:39 pm in reply to: Trying to deal with anxiety and loss after relationship break up #229297
<p style=”text-align: left;”>Thanks for the reply. Therapist has asked similar vague questions but not to my knowledge. I grew up with loving parents, no abandonment. My family would have always said ‘I’m the sensitive or soft one’. I guess I’m a highly sensitive person. I just like company. If I’m ill or hurting, I feel I need physical affection or presence. That’s why I’m struggling with the breakup, it was one of the most comforting things about my ex. The withdrawal is acute.</p>
This must be an incredibly difficult time for you. I don’t know what to say in a way, because relationships are so complex and only you know the intimate every day details. At the end of the day, it’s about figuring out what is right and healthy for you. If you feel your happiness lies with trying to work it out with your ex fiance, then that’s the way forward if you genuinely believe you are both approaching it with mutual respect and love. Perhaps therapy is an option, because I feel people have no idea what sorts of mindsets have led them to where they now are in life. If you decide that the indecision on his part of killing you and hurting you further, then it is time for you to try and survive without him, including no contact. It’s been 11 days which is no time at all really, although I’m sure it feels like an eternity for you, but perhaps a frank conversation about bills etc might shed some more light on where this is going or may help design a plan moving forward. My heart really goes out to you xx