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Welcome to tinybuddha. I hope I would be able to help u out.
The thoughts which u r talking about is quite common. Nearly every1 have these kind of thoughts at nights and find it difficult to remove it and sleep peacefully. the reason people have these thoughts is coz they don’t have any control over it. people r unable to remove past incidents from the mind. so it keeps coming back, no matter how hard u fight to prevent it.
I would advice u to enroll for meditation and yoga. Its a slow medicine, but a promising one. U will need lots of patience. Meditation will help u keep control on ur thoughts and improve ur focus. Though u won’t be able to remove past incidents from ur mind, but u will b able to control the thoughts which comes out of them. U will have calm and peaceful demeanour. U won’t need any other meds to help u sleep. U will be able to sleep peacefully and ur nights won’t be train wrecks anymore, I promise u that.
SmitFebruary 9, 2015 at 1:56 pm in reply to: lonely, recalling the past and coping with suffering in the world #72554
M so sorry that u r going thru so much pain sweetie. I will try my best to help u out.
1) As for ur imagination about sufferings in the world, I suggest u to practice mediation and yoga. It helps in clearing negative thoughts and imagination. Read, listen and see positive stuff. Try to do things that makes u happy. U can also enroll for social service activities. By providing social service, u yourself can ease sufferings of some people.
2) M extremely sorry about ur strained relationship with ur mom sweetheart. But, by ur sayings, I guess ur mom is in need of help. Communicate with her more often. Try to find out what exactly her problem is, why is she behaving in such a manner. Try to find out the reason behind her anger, sadness and volatile behaviour. Professional counselling may help u and her in that, probably a psychologist.
3) For ur 3rd problem, what shall I say dear. I myself feel lonely. Frankly speaking, I am an extremely introvert person. I find it very difficult to talk with people unless its work or studies related. Coz of this I have very limited friends. I even find difficult to talk with my relatives after I see them in a long time.
I m assuming that u aren’t a shy or introvert person.
Making friends won’t make u vulnerable, sweetie. Infact it will help u open up more. U will need human connection in ur life apart from ur parents. So, u should attach urself with people and make friends. Talkin to ’em will loose ur burden, help u feel better, and they will help u out in ur toughest times. I can understand the nervousness part, as I myself feel the same. U can join clubs in ur uni that interests u. This will enable u to meet people with same interests and u wud be able to make more friends. U can go to clubs, pubs and other social places which can help u make more friends. Talk to ur classmates regarding studies and slowly start informal conversations with them. Talk to more n more people and come out of comfortable box.
I am trying to do the same. Its very difficult, but seems promising.
I sincerely hope that my ideas and suggestions help u. If u further need to talk or if u want a pair of ears to listen to u, m always by ur side. don’t forget it.
M really sorry that u r going thru such a painful situation.
I think that the sudden change in love towards u by ur BF is coz of a new person in his life (I sincerely hope m wrong). Sudden change in love towrds u and slogan of “not sure” made me conclude that. The only solution can come is via honest talks. That can come thru counseling which I hope u both are having.
I hope this works out between u two.
M sorry to hear what happened with you. What Nikolai said is absolutely right.
U should kick that man out of ur life. He is a cheat and has been using u for his personal pleasure. The words of love and sweetness from him was a big FAKE coz no one behaves so cruelly with a loved one. He was coward enough to manipulate u and sleep with u and coward enough to blame it on u, plus he had a gut to say that he is ashamed of u!!
Such kind of behaviour can only be expected from a d*ckhead and/or jackass..
So let him go to hell. You enjoy ur life and be a positive and optimistic person u used to be. It would be painful and hurting, but y will move on, and will definitely find a person who will really love u.
- This reply was modified 7 years, 4 months ago by smit.
Firstly, Thanks for sharing ur problem with us..
In my opinion, I think you should stick with C (as u said he truly loves and u and vice-versa). In my opinion and from my experience, its really very difficult to find a true love but u fortunately found it in C.
As far as B is concerned, I think that he is only ur Bf(best friend) and not Bf(boy friend).
I think that there is a very thin line between a best friend and a lover, and its often confusing who is the best friend and who is the lover. We share feelings with both of ’em and enjoy the company too.. So it does become an emotional mess, especially for people of our age grp.
So, if I would have been in ur shoes, I would have had stayed with C and remain close friends with B coz,
firstly, u do really love C, and,
he is suffering from depression. Its a phase when he needs u the most and if u leave him hanging now, it can further detoriate his condition (not necessarily a suicide).
I can understand ur dilemma coz a few years back I was in a similar position. I had a friend who already had a boyfriend, but her parents were opposed to her relationship. We became best friends. After sometime, I had this feeling that I truly love her but I didn’t interfere with her relationship.
Eventually, she eloped with her boyfriend and severed ties with me. After sometime and deep thinking, I realised that she was just a friend and not a lover, coz I moved on. If I would have been IN love with her, I could not have been able to move on. Now, even though we don’t talk, it doesn’t hurt much. But I do miss her as a best friend.
So I suggest u that u stick with B as ur best friend and love ur C as ur boyfriend.
My best wishes are with u..
SmitJanuary 29, 2015 at 11:13 am in reply to: Help me please! Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from extra-marital affair #72067
first of all I am sorry that you had to go through this S*it wid ur ex-wife. To be truthful, I have never been thru this but I do understand the pain. I have seen multiple cases of extra-martial affair and I know it is really hurting to the aggrieved partner. In my view, the person who cheats is worthless.
What I wanna suggest u is that you should start yoga classes and practice meditation. Its a long process but a promising one. Though u won’t forget abt the past but u will have power to fight the post traumatic stress. Meditation brings new light in one’s life and a new perspective of seeing things. Be spiritual coz it does has amazing power of healing within oneself. For eg. u said that ur current wife is spiritual. So she knows, understands and feels how u feel. She understands the pain and agony u have been in and how u r fighting with it everyday. This type of perspective u can get by practicing Spiritual knowledge and meditation.
I hope you have a very happy life ahead and you forget all your pain
In India, there is a famous line from a song in Hindi It is ‘kuch to log kahege, logo ka kaam hai kehena’.
The line means that its people’s job to SAY. No matter what u do, right or wrong, people will say. They will judge you and keep firing unwanted suggestions and advices towards you.
Amongst such lot, there may be wise people and unwise people/losers.
If u think that any person advising you is wise and genuinely wants best for u, then listen to him/her and think about it.
If you think that any person is unnecessarily saying then listen through one ear and throw away from the other. Don’t gv a damn to what he/she is saying.
Do what u feel is best for you. People will always judge you, even strangers. But don’t think about them. Do what you feel like doing. Do what makes u feel happy and positive. Don’t worry about people.
And I don’t think that you being black should pose any problem for ur job abroad. You will definitely reach where you deserve to be no matter what.
I can understand the frustration and impatience you are having. I have been through the same thing.
I think u should look at the bright side after this.. After all its just 7 weeks.. It will soon pass away and in the end, it really won’t seem bad. If you are 100% sure of choosing the career option you have chosen, then patience is gonna be fruitful in the end.
You can just have a countdown and stay positive that your pointless part time job is getting over and you will be entering a new phase of your life.
All the Best
- This reply was modified 7 years, 5 months ago by smit.
In my opinion, I think u shud just stay and watch.. By ur sayings, it seems tat ur ex is manipulative and she MIGHT be playing with u.
If she really wants to talk to u, she should call u, not the other way around. At the most, u can ask ur friend to tell ur ex tat u won’t be angry by her calling u( if u really won’t be angry). If she calls, u will get to know what she wants..
So I think, u shouldn’t call ur ex..
All the best
- This reply was modified 7 years, 5 months ago by smit.
I think the decesion which u had taken earlier was right.. if u feel u aren’t satisfied by him, then u shud leave him as u had made urself very clear about what u want.. and he isn’t complying to it. so u gonna stay unsatisfied and frustrated.. it will take u nowhere and u WILL break up in foreseeable future.. so I guess u shud leave him.. he will move on.. so will u