Hi Jane,

You certainly have been stressed about this, and you have some good advice already.

Her view: I’ve been close to needing a place to stay myself. If I were there I would be sure to leave at times so you and your bf could have alone time. And I’d say to you both how much I appreciate the helping hand. Maybe take you both to dinner or treat you two without me.

His view: I have women friends who I would let stay at my place to help them and not be attracted to them. Yes I know this is where Inky says “in theory,” but I could do it for sure especially having a gf. I would focus on you like always. Based on your blow up, I’d be wondering about your communication skills and would be irked that you think I would cheat on you or leave you.

Your view: I can see why you are bothered, but blowing up was not so good. I would be talking with him but also going about our lives as much as possible. I know – easier said then done when emotional. Why am I emotional..?

What is their chemistry like? No flirting right? They really are just friends? Look you two were a happy couple before this “teaching opportunity” presented itself. Why should you give up on him based on some big time awkwardness and discomfort? Where is your spirit for the “us” you have had with him? Sometimes people both move away when it would work if they just made the extra effort.

Big blue

• This reply was modified 10 years, 5 months ago by Big blue.

Hi Sarah,

So in one sense you have learned more about yourself, and that’s crucial.

Sounds like you need to do solution 1.

Let me tell you that 5 years ago my normal life included eating a lot of bad carbs and not exercising. I was 285+ lbs.

Now, normal is no bad carbs and I’m in the gym almost every day.

My life is much better!

I am about 230 lbs. with a lot of muscle that was not there before. I look younger. I feel great. I do not eat junk when stressed. I have about 15 lbs. of fat to trade for more muscle.

I had to learn and practice different habits.

You might find a nutritionist to help you. Eat 6-8 times a day, good foods that I like. I do not have a scale – my nutritionist weighs me and gets a fat % weekly.

You also need to get your head right. Other forums here can help you.

This definitely balances out my energy level, mood, etc.

I encourage you to keep at it. My improvement started years ago and continues to evolve as my new normal.

Big blue

• This reply was modified 10 years, 5 months ago by Big blue.
• This reply was modified 10 years, 5 months ago by Big blue.

Hi Zita,

I understand what you are going through. It’s been a few times that I struggled to overcome a breakup, with one clearly including abuse.

Emmanuelle offers a good way to work through things with the list making. Another list could be everyone who you might forgive. This list might include your parents, other family, family friends, childhood friends, school personnel, etc. including yourself. By letting their behaviors go, you may release yourself from any real or perceived wrongs that you suffered with them. You can picture all these wrongs being put on a big list floating out to sea.

By the way, what is new that you do and get right on the first try? Nothing right? So… It is to be expected to repeat some things as needed. As you focus on those new habits, keep going.

Big blue

Hi Seth,

A father-son relationship certainly can be a challenge at times. In his own way, he is doing his best. As you want to improve your relationship, try humor. Something that shows that you understand him. Something that makes both of you have a good, healthy laugh. My dad and I did not always see things the same way. We could laugh though.

– You don’t need to agree.

Oh and Lone wolf is right. I was with my dad when he took his last breaths and I just said, “I love you dad.”

– You don’t need to wait that long.

Big blue

• This reply was modified 10 years, 5 months ago by Big blue.
• This reply was modified 10 years, 5 months ago by Big blue.

Hi Lola,

Thanks, I appreciate what you wrote for all and for me.

One of my realizations taken to heart is: ““When we forgive, we disentangle.” I tend to get and stay enmeshed, as I’m a classic (vintage…?) pleaser. By forgiving, I release myself from my perceived obligation to fix someone else, allowing me to focus on my business.

Thank you for sharing and moving forward helping one another.

Big blue

Hi Anonymous,

My best advice to you is to accept yourself and then (if you are not already doing these things…) eat the right foods at certain times during the day, and to exercise throughout the week. I recommend strength exercises be in the mix. These are processes that will keep you as fit as you are, or even fitter. Good habits to lay down now in your life. If you need a little help with knowledge and discipline, a nutritionist and a trainer will help. As the weeks go by, this becomes fun – something you enjoy.

Big blue

• This reply was modified 10 years, 5 months ago by Big blue.

Hi all,

I found this great site about 9 weeks ago by doing a search on how to get over a love. I think the relationship section is a huge help for this. While here, I’ve been reading the other sections and the articles. By far the most valuable aspect of the site is people being able to tell their stories, share solutions, and show empathy. Having a list or two helps re: a quick, comprehensive read – a different yet complimentary help. Just my 2 cents.

By the way I saw this woman today, who I first came here to deal with, and I was my normal self and had no mixed up feelings. Thank you all for helping me through this. Also, thank you for letting me share so I can help others.

Big blue