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Viewing 15 posts - 31 through 45 (of 278 total)
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  • August 20, 2014 at 11:39 pm in reply to: What do you do for yourself that makes you happy? #63742
    Big blue
    Participant

    …. Like social media snd TV, another one is Unsubscribing from emsil. At the time, I wanted these emsils, but now they’re bacon. Unsubscribing cuts the phone going off. Yay! 🙂

    • This reply was modified 10 years, 3 months ago by Big blue.
    August 20, 2014 at 5:42 pm in reply to: I'm an ugly person #63725
    Big blue
    Participant

    Hi Maddie,

    Congratulations on your PhD!!

    On a personal note, upon BA graduation, I decided nah. I went a while without a direction. Then I found a job and a direction. So, I do have a glint of an idea of your experience.

    Building on Inky’s point about creating something that is yours, if your thesis does not fly, I say:

    1. Sit in your barrel of lemons and make lemonade. Remain there for a while. But don’t get bitter because of step 2.

    2. ‘Travel’ to find something totally new like perspectives and experiences. It must be uncomfortable even disruptive.

    3. Go to step 1 – loop until aha moment(s).

    Have you ever watched the Brene Brown talk on Ted.com? She describes working on her research and finding interesting things about herself – that she developed to help herself and others, based on research, soul searching, and analysis.

    You learned how to ask questions in your PhD program. How to establish a hypothesis. How to gather and sift data.

    Get a few nice moleskin notebooks and get busy!!

    Some guys will notice your energy / passion, and they will be attracted to you.

    What do you think?

    Big blue

    • This reply was modified 10 years, 3 months ago by Big blue.
    • This reply was modified 10 years, 3 months ago by Big blue.
    August 19, 2014 at 5:02 pm in reply to: What do you do for yourself that makes you happy? #63663
    Big blue
    Participant

    Hello all,

    A similar story here like your discussion so far….

    I enjoy fresh air – walking, driving. Good food. Talking with family and friends. Yes coworkers too. Working out at the gym. Music. Taking pictures. Other stuff.

    I got off social media two years ago and am barely on now. No TV at home for more than a year. I have a lot of time to relax.

    Big blue

    August 19, 2014 at 4:06 pm in reply to: How did you do it? #63661
    Big blue
    Participant

    Hi Sojo,

    This is a mindfulness thing. Google mindfulness and putting things on a leaf. It is s way to manage thoughts that just pop up and that don’t serve you well. When you think of him, picture him on a large leaf floating away. A counselor will help with mindfulness.

    Big blue

    PS: yes chocolate helps 🙂 I have a lot more experience with chocolatefullness than with mindfulness lol.

    • This reply was modified 10 years, 3 months ago by Big blue.
    August 19, 2014 at 10:34 am in reply to: How did you do it? #63649
    Big blue
    Participant

    Hi Sojourner,

    I think time is the best answer.

    You may also just accept the thought and let it go. “Oh there’s that thought again – ok – let it go.” Some say this little move takes it away from the emotional brain more into the more thinking brain. “Let it go.”

    Lastly, keep doing positive things for yourself.

    What do you think?

    Big blue

    August 18, 2014 at 4:07 pm in reply to: confused and regretful after breakup #63599
    Big blue
    Participant

    Hi Mike,

    I can see why you are struggling. You are missing her and the good times. Kelly makes a good point that you can use this time as an opportunity to get back on your feet. Then, you will be better able to talk and work things out with her – as “it was real love” as you said.

    Big blue

    August 16, 2014 at 6:58 pm in reply to: tired #63524
    Big blue
    Participant

    Hi Irene,

    I’m guessing based on my own tough times that just about everyone has felt really down to some extent. I managed to get through my down times with the following, which are you doing or willing to try?

    – saw a psychlogist who listened to me and helped me
    – started exercising by getting outside bicycling
    – ate good, nutritious food
    – set up my bed to be super confortable for good sleep = 1200 mill coton sheets and feather pillows
    – talked with and did things with friends
    – also with family
    – listened to music that moved me
    – accepted myself as messed up as I was
    – got on the internet and read anything remotely like I was going through

    Well maybe I did that last one sctually first. 🙂

    I was not yet blessed to know about TB and this wonderful community.

    Irene, sorry if I am being a fixer guy if all you wanted was to be heard, but you are heard and you are understood – from my own perspective.

    What do you feel and think?

    Big blue

    August 16, 2014 at 11:49 am in reply to: Moving?! Any advice/prayers would be appreciated! Making major life decisions #63505
    Big blue
    Participant

    Hi Cami,

    You posted in Work not Relationships. Hmm.

    What about something between full-time physically together and total separation as in ‘we’re done’? This would allow you to pursue your career and travel now.

    If instead of directly announcing your breakup, you talk about your goals with him, how might that work?

    Big blue

    August 15, 2014 at 7:51 pm in reply to: Decisions #63492
    Big blue
    Participant

    Hi Sassypants,

    Matt and Mermaid said it well. You were on a good path of personal development before being distracted. Keep focusing on yourself. You’ll attract a good guy and you can decide what to do then from a position of balance and happiness. Enjoy every moment; there will be no wasted time.

    Big blue

    🙂

    • This reply was modified 10 years, 3 months ago by Big blue.
    • This reply was modified 10 years, 3 months ago by Big blue.
    • This reply was modified 10 years, 3 months ago by Big blue.
    August 15, 2014 at 6:48 pm in reply to: I'm Not Sure If He Really Loves Me #63489
    Big blue
    Participant

    Hi Lori,

    You asked for advice on your unique situation, and the folks above have weighed in with their opinions, so I’ll start with a quick copy/paste of your own words:

    “It made me extremely uncomfortable but I kept to myself about it, knowing the conversation wouldn’t end well if I told him that I disliked it.”

    Starting now not tomorrow you need to put yourself up as #1 in your life. This means being honest to yourself and comfortable being you. No one else can do this for you and no one else can enjoy your life like you can. Make sense?

    You’re now looking at the prospect of sharing living expenses and doing housework, but you can’t be with him 24/7 to force monogamy on him. If you are not comfortable with his view of the relationship, get out now before you are locked in for years of codependence trying to be his #1 and only. You can be your #1 and still not be lonely if you are true to yourself – things will work out for you and you’ll meet a guy who will work for you.

    Big blue

    • This reply was modified 10 years, 3 months ago by Big blue.
    August 15, 2014 at 12:49 pm in reply to: Life Choice Overload #63458
    Big blue
    Participant

    Hi Pat,

    I see your dilemma.

    Reading your story makes me visualize you being drawn in two directions as if holding back two horses pulling you apart.

    Despite your love and desire to be the breadwinner that she expects, it’s ok to let that horse run. You will quickly go back to your other, survivable loves. Your post sounds like you already know this is best for you. It’s ok and you don’t need anyone else’s approval to do this besides your own. My advice is to talk this through with her. Then do it. Check in with yourself then to see your new progress. Pat you need to take care of yourself.

    There is also the other scenario. You talk this through and make a feasible plan. When I was just out of college, meeting my soon-to-be wife helped me to get going in a new career as I realized my previous goal would not work for several reasons. I was fortunate to go from media to computers. At the time, though, expectations may not have been as high as you have, so I was able to take the time to transition and ramp the new career.

    In the end it comes down to what you two can work out.

    Big blue

    • This reply was modified 10 years, 3 months ago by Big blue.
    • This reply was modified 10 years, 3 months ago by Big blue.
    August 14, 2014 at 3:25 pm in reply to: How can I get rid of …? #63386
    Big blue
    Participant

    Hi Popi,

    I’ve done this. Over time it will fade. Notice what triggers you to do this. Do something else, like the exercise. Don’t check your phone as much. Find some interesting web sites, apps, causes, people. Develop other interests. It will get better.

    Big blue

    August 14, 2014 at 4:07 am in reply to: What would you do? #63353
    Big blue
    Participant

    Hi Will,

    When I brought up the grand public gesture, I felt it was a provocative way to qualify feelings, i.e., “Oh I cannot see myself doing that for her.” Helping to move to that on / off decision. Having been there, stuck, it helps to nudge or be nudged. So…..more agreement? 🙂

    • This reply was modified 10 years, 3 months ago by Big blue.
    August 13, 2014 at 7:20 pm in reply to: Back at square one #63333
    Big blue
    Participant

    Hi Terry,

    You are very smart, dedicated and motivated. We need you in both fields.

    You might feel like you have one foot on the dock and one in the canoe. With some reframing as The Ruminant advises: Put one bare foot on each dolphin’s back and enjoy the ride! 🙂

    Big blue

    August 13, 2014 at 4:02 pm in reply to: Can't move on from the past. #63314
    Big blue
    Participant

    Hi Daisy,

    I’m sorry to hear that you went through that other relationship, and now that is affecting this one. You see that some bevaviors jumped from that to this, and it’s not working for you. That is a positive point. Do you think you need some kind of recovery process? Would this straighten out your distorted thinking? Food for thought.

    Big blue

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Viewing 15 posts - 31 through 45 (of 278 total)
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