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Tannhauser

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  • March 26, 2017 at 10:00 am in reply to: My Kundalini Horror #142187
    Tannhauser
    Blocked

    Yes you may respond.

    Best wishes,

    Tannhauser.

    March 25, 2017 at 6:27 am in reply to: My Kundalini Horror #142081
    Tannhauser
    Blocked

    A little update on my situation.

    Since I last posted I have quit church and I no longer play the organ there. (I no longer believe in Jesus Christ or God). I also had to attend a PIP assessment which seriously affected my mental stability at the time, and I recently discovered that the mobility component of my benefit has been withdrawn and I will have to live on less than I did before. As I type this my brother is in hospital after a serious operation, and I continue to experience bouts of depression, tactile hallucinations and other strange things in my body. I weep every day, have a growing addiction to painkillers, and generally mourn the passing of my old life.  I am about to admit defeat and see the doctor about my tactile hallucinations, though I will have to keep it a secret from my parents. (The last time I told them about the tactile hallucinations my father said he would expose me as a liar and my mother became physically ill).  I am also losing interest in my music and am contemplating selling my instruments.

    I generally hate my life now.

    Best wishes,

    Tannhauser.

     

    February 12, 2017 at 8:03 am in reply to: My Kundalini Horror #127265
    Tannhauser
    Blocked

    I won’t be posting again. I have lost my mind.

    Goodbye.
    Tannhauser.

    February 11, 2017 at 6:31 am in reply to: My Kundalini Horror #127238
    Tannhauser
    Blocked

    I have never met anyone of the opposite sex. I have been single since birth due to the hypopituitarism which has blighted my life.

    I don’t feel special. My life is falling apart and I’m about to lose my much-needed disability benefits. I don’t know what I am going to do and I don’t see a happy future in store for myself. All this spiritual stuff seems like a sick joke in comparison. God could choose to make me healthy so I could stand on my own two feet in an increasingly difficult and hostile world. But instead I get these strange experiences that don’t seem to make much sense to me, let alone anyone else. Yes, I was able to correctly predict the name of a man I had never met before. So f*cking what? How is that of any use to me or anyone else?

    Speaking of church, my church life is over. I am quitting after tomorrow and I feel quite pleased about it. Church has long since ceased being of any spiritual value to me.

    Incidentally, the Star of David refers to King David of Israel, not St David of Wales.

    Best wishes,
    Tannhauser

    February 10, 2017 at 5:51 am in reply to: My Kundalini Horror #127141
    Tannhauser
    Blocked

    I can see that you are beginning to think I am insane.

    Look, I DIDN’T WANT THIS!!! I want an ordinary, normal life like everyone else. But instead, I get this weird stuff.

    This morning I had diarrhoea again and have got a dull headache in the centre of my forehead again. On Wednesday an incredible set of ‘coincidences’ pointed to St David of Wales. I don’t know why it’s happening, but if you think I’m nuts then please feel free to stop corresponding with me. Join Anita and the rest of the scoffers.

    I am not ashamed to say that I cried today. The world I knew has vanished. It wasn’t a perfect world, but I understood it and could cope with it. I was also able to sleep peacefully and wake up feeling refreshed the next day. This doesn’t happen anymore. Instead, what happens is that the Universe or God or Aliens sends energy into my room at night. I know its coming because it has an effect on my computer speakers. (They making a clicking sound even though they are switched off at the wall socket.) Then the energy enters my head. Sometimes it just goes right into me, whilst at other times it feels like something is being placed on my head. (I don’t know what this energy is doing or what it’s for, because my chronic illness hasn’t got better). I have had a lot of strange dreams, including spaceships and a War of the Worlds scenario. (I am not into sci-fi). The latter involved a naval gun firing over a defensive wall at large machines, and I was intrigued to find out that the same scenario is played out in H.G Wells’ book, which I have never read. WoTW and the Bible seem to corroborate each other (giants coming out of the ground, ‘harm nothing green’ etc.) and has led me to speculate that a ‘Martian invasion’ could be a way of preserving the Earth in the future by thinning out the human population. Obviously, I am sure you are aware that God created the Earth, and that other dimensions exist, so it stands to reason that God would have some sort of insurance policy in place should we ever seriously endanger the Earth and put it at grave risk. It’s a poser.

    Best wishes,
    Tannhauser

    February 6, 2017 at 4:43 am in reply to: My Kundalini Horror #126868
    Tannhauser
    Blocked

    Thanks for your input Eight. I did do some research at the time only to come up with even more coincidences. Here is what I wrote in an online forum at the time (March 2016):

    “I think I am an incarnation of Neptune because of the impossible coincidences I have seen in the past week. I am either the god Neptune or I come from the planet Neptune (I don’t know which is worse!)

    Here are the ‘coincidences’:

    Neptune is the ‘esoteric ruler’ of Cancer. I am a Cancerian.
    Neptune is associated with the ash tree. This month [Mar 2016] is known as the Celtic Ash Tree month.
    Neptune is associated primarily with the colour blue, but also white. My favourite colour is blue. Most of my favourite clothes tend to be blue.
    Neptune is associated with fish and the sea. The star sign we are currently in [Mar 2016] is Pisces.
    Neptune has a trident. So do I. I made it myself out of iron 30 years ago.

    I have come to understand something about Sea Kings such as myself. It is a spiritual and cosmological thing in one aspect, and evolutionary progress on the other. Look at Dagon. Look what he symbolises: half man, half fish. In other words, our evolution from fish to man. The fleur-de-lis* on his head symbolises his enlightenment and his return to the celestial realms (our true home). Dagon reached the highest point in human evolution, and in doing so he recognised his true status as a god which he had forgotten about in the primordial slime. You are all gods and goddesses, you just need to wake up and remember who you are (there will be clues around you in your life which you have subconsciously put there to help you remember).”

    But it got even weirder than that. I had placed the trident (a large long-handled three-pronged toasting fork) behind a pair of bellows against the wall. It was hidden from view. When I saw it again, the trident had moved back into full view. No one had touched it.

    Best wishes,
    Tannhauser

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 9 months ago by Tannhauser.
    February 5, 2017 at 5:17 am in reply to: My Kundalini Horror #126761
    Tannhauser
    Blocked

    Eight,

    I had terrible and excessive wind throughout my body during the night. I hadn’t eaten or drank anything unusual. The wind was continuous and filled my whole body. It has now stopped.

    Went to church this morning as usual (I am a church organist) but I realized that it ‘isn’t me’ anymore. It doesn’t feel right. It feels more like the rote learning of school times tables than anything spiritual. I used to be so enthusiastic about playing the organ but now I couldn’t care less about it. I don’t regard it as a musical instrument anymore. But I do enjoy playing medieval harp. I have only been playing for six months and I have really took to it.

    You know, my life is really weird. The ‘real’ Tannhauser also plays the harp! I only discovered this a few weeks ago. I am going through some scary sh*t. Last March I was utterly convinced I was Neptune. (The god, not the planet.) I had an experience and there were just too many coincidences. I had tapped into a ‘magic’, a strange consciousness. It started with 1111.

    Best wishes,
    Tannhauser

    February 4, 2017 at 6:59 am in reply to: The Sham of Modern Life #126693
    Tannhauser
    Blocked

    Does Santa have to objectively exist to be real and only then related to?

    Well, unless Santa actually travels the globe in one night distributing gifts, then no, he doesn’t exist and isn’t real. It’s funny how Santa never stops at the houses of poor kids who live on the wrong side of the tracks. I wonder why that is?

    Like I said, it’s a lie.

    Best wishes,
    Tannhauser

    February 2, 2017 at 7:24 am in reply to: Mental or Emotional Prison? #126591
    Tannhauser
    Blocked

    “since the last 5 years you were studying in college away from home, I have observed one thing in you which is indecisiveness. You are listening and getting swayed too much by the words, opinions of others. You need to have more confidence and find your own individuality, not based on my opinion or anyone elses but yours. I will always be there to support you but you have to be brave enough to walk your own path”

    I wish my dad spoke to me like that. It’s inspirational.

    Best wishes,
    Tannhauser

    January 24, 2017 at 5:49 am in reply to: Worried I'm not a good enough mother having a chronic illness #126040
    Tannhauser
    Blocked

    Your chronic fatigue and underactive thyroid are due to a condition known as hypopituitarism. It is quite a rare disease. Your doctor should have prescribed Hydrocortisone and Levothyroxine. I know this because I too have the condition, and to say it blights one’s life is an understatement. In my case it caused growth hormone deficiency and infertility, as well as the fatigue you mention. You will also probably be experiencing anhedonia, which is an inability to gain pleasure or enjoyment from anything. And some say it is also difficult to experience love with this disease.

    If you want happiness, you must be selfish and put your needs first.

    Best wishes,
    Tannhauser

    January 24, 2017 at 5:09 am in reply to: My Kundalini Horror #126039
    Tannhauser
    Blocked

    Oh I see, so I’m not having a spiritual awakening then.

    Tell me Nina, since you are such an expert on these things, how do I help others when I am ill myself? I have osteoporosis (DEXA score minus three), hypopituitarism, growth hormone deficiency, and received a kidney transplant in 2012.

    Nina, I respectfully ask you to keep out of this conversation. You are clueless. A person who has truly awakened spiritually will want to withdraw from the world, not get more involved with it. And that is because it is nigh on impossible to retain a ‘high vibrational state’ whilst surrounded by the materialism and negativity of the general populace. Your ‘simple fact’ is not a fact at all.

    Best wishes,
    Tannhauser

    January 24, 2017 at 1:06 am in reply to: My Kundalini Horror #126027
    Tannhauser
    Blocked

    I tried to edit the above post because it is my ego that was speaking. There’s a war going on inside me between the Ego and the Real Self. The Ego likes to always be right and always follow the rules. The Ego has accepted that there is a ‘process’ going on and it is now trying to get the process right. This is a problem for me, and explains why I sometimes make irrational comments like the one above.

    Best wishes,
    Tannhauser

    January 23, 2017 at 7:58 am in reply to: My Kundalini Horror #125965
    Tannhauser
    Blocked

    Some of God’s laws:

    “If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall surely be put to death; their blood is upon them”

    “But as for the cowardly, the faithless, the detestable, as for murderers, the sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars, their portion will be in the lake that burns with fire and sulfur, which is the second death.”

    Where is the ‘Love All Harm None’ credo there?

    God exists, and It is a spiteful, vengeful bastard (and I can say that because it hasn’t got a dad). It wrote the Torah, and so it must truly detest all the people mentioned in the categories above. It could have written a beautiful, inspiring book full of the admirable qualities you espouse. Instead God threatens eternal torture to those who don’t like Him/It. That’s because eternal torture is the truth. True, unconditional love DOES NOT EXIST. It is a utopian concept.

    Best wishes,
    Tannhauser

    January 23, 2017 at 5:46 am in reply to: My Kundalini Horror #125956
    Tannhauser
    Blocked

    “by doing anything that makes you happy and try to stay in that place”.

    Is that what it is all about? Is that the meaning of it all? Because my ‘faith tradition’ seems to suggest otherwise. My tradition is all about self-hate and self-denial. It’s all about guilt and shame and suffering as much pain as possible (‘take up your cross’) Basically, the more pain you suffer the happier God will be (It’s the reason Mother Teresa withheld pain relief from her patients). There’s nothing in Jesus’s dogmas about doing things that make you happy.

    “Keep in mind that God is Love”

    I beg to differ. God is NOT Love. God has conditions. That’s not love, it’s called protection money.

    I think you guys are coping better with this because your heads weren’t screwed up by organized religion.

    Best wishes,
    Tannhauser

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 10 months ago by Tannhauser.
    • This reply was modified 7 years, 10 months ago by Tannhauser.
    • This reply was modified 7 years, 10 months ago by Tannhauser.
    January 23, 2017 at 3:09 am in reply to: My Kundalini Horror #125950
    Tannhauser
    Blocked

    Thanks for your help,

    I feel very lonely and isolated. There are times when I feel deep sadness within me, as if I have been separated from something or someone. There are times when the process has felt truly magical, but when I am ‘pushed’ towards the beliefs I grew up with and understand, they don’t feel right to me anymore. I don’t like the person known as Jesus. He is a downright bully. He seems to utter the words of an enlightened being but then issues threats of eternal torture. I can’t imagine Lord Buddha doing that. I have come to understand that the books of the Torah are the word of God revealed to Moses. Trouble is, I don’t like Biblical God at all. The ‘Magic’ feels gentle and full of love with no conditions, whilst Bible God is the exact opposite. Bible God and his son make me feel like a worthless piece of shit. Come to think of it, they make EVERYONE feel like a worthless piece of shit! They don’t feel right to me at all. I am so confused and screwed up inside that I wish I could go back to being a child; back to a time before I was conditioned and indoctrinated by the Church. The really sick thing is that I still have a fear of Hell. I fear that if I ‘apostasise’ I will be burned alive for all eternity.

    With respect, I don’t need any more books. Books are the problem.

    Best wishes,
    Tannhauser

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