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May 25, 2021 at 7:03 am in reply to: I’m addicted to nostalgic feelings and it only makes me feel worse, I guess. #380393
TeeParticipantDear miyoid,
I try to be more modest, nicer around people. I don’t demand much. I sometimes cannot even demand what I need, or want. This happened a lot when I was a child. I used to go to my dad’s home, and he lived alone. I remember just preparing myself for minutes and minutes in order to ask if I could open up the computer and play with it for some time. It was hard for me to ask this. It was hard for me to speak my mind. It got easier in years, but I still have hard time demanding. Although, most of the time I don’t know what I need or deserve. Therefore, I cannot demand much.
I can get jealous of some attention from someone I care. But only, if that attention is being given to somebody else instead of me. This could be a boyfriend, an older sister, mother.
You don’t demand much, unlike your older sister, right? If I remember well, you mentioned once she too was narcissistic, like your father. She could demand stuff for herself, same as your father could. How did your sister behave around your father? Did she have a problem expressing her needs? And around your mother?
It seems that in your family, your father had the biggest right to demand things, then came your sister, then your mother, and then you. Your mother couldn’t demand things from your father (e.g. she couldn’t demand that she visit her father, or that your father help her with the household). She tolerated the poor treatment and probably suffered in silence. She didn’t demand anything from your father. Is that correct?
But from you, she demanded not to disturb her with your “minor” problems. Perhaps it wasn’t a direct demand, perhaps she didn’t tell you “Stop bothering me with your problems!”, but she did downplay them, she said they’re nothing compared to her problems. So the effect was the same – she wanted you not to disturb her, i.e. not to demand compassion and understanding from her. I can imagine your sister was different and demanded things more freely from your mother? And got her attention too?
This makes you feel jealous – because your sister was loud enough and rude enough to get what she wants, without even deserving it. While you silently accepted rejection – you accepted that you won’t get what you want, neither from your mother nor your father. You probably feared that you’d be abandoned if you demand anything (and this fear started very early, when you were a baby and woke up soon after your mother would put you to sleep).
Recently, when you’ve shared with your mother that you’re depressed, and when you refused to back off, what you got at least is her attention. She got worried about you. You didn’t get her compassion and understanding, but at least you got her attention for a moment, because you didn’t back off immediately. You backed off only after you made your point. That’s when you told her the usual – not to worry, and that you’ll try to get better.
But still, you made a step, you expressed yourself, so try to appreciate that and get the feel of how it is to express your need without immediately retreating. Actually, I think it’s better in this instance that you reassured your mother that you won’t do anything stupid and that you won’t harm yourself, so she doesn’t worry. However, try practicing expressing your needs more often, and demanding that what is yours, without immediately backing off. You can practice it in imaginary situations first, if you don’t feel like trying it in real life. Practice what you would say to a person (perhaps to your sister?) who you feel doesn’t care about you and doesn’t take your needs into consideration.
Btw, it’s a normal phase in a child’s development to be very selfish and e.g. not want to share their toys with anybody. A child needs to go through the phase of “it’s mine, give it to me!”, because that’s a key for a healthy personality development. It appears you skipped this phase because you were afraid you’d be abandoned if you demand things for yourself…
I might want to feel more spoiled or more lucky
More spoiled – like your sister? I think you have the right to demand what’s rightfully yours, by all means. It doesn’t mean being spoiled, but simply having legitimate needs. So I encourage you to be more “spoiled” and as a first step, allow yourself to feel the need inside of you, and to say to yourself “I want this and I deserve this”.
most of the time I don’t know what I need or deserve. Therefore, I cannot demand much.
Do you know what you need from a relationship? As an exercise, you can write a list of all of the things you’d want in a relationship (you may or may not share it here). And then think – do I deserve this? I bet that most or all of those needs are legitimate needs, and you absolutely deserve them.
May 25, 2021 at 12:42 am in reply to: I do not know if I just want to be heard or need some feedback/advice #380385TeeParticipantDear Kibou,
you’re welcome, I am glad you felt heard. Sure, I’ll wait for your reply to anita.
May 24, 2021 at 12:11 pm in reply to: I do not know if I just want to be heard or need some feedback/advice #380352TeeParticipantDear Kibou,
I’d like to make a correction. I said about your mother: “It appears she was a very loving and caring mother, and provided emotional support to you – up until she got unwell.”
She does seem like a loving and caring mother, however it appears she couldn’t cope with your negative feelings. When you told her she doesn’t care about you, she started crying. She took it personally – as if it means she’s not a good mother. And she felt hurt, because she was a very giving mother (you said she was an over-giver).
Perhaps being busy with your siblings, she didn’t notice your pain, she didn’t notice that something’s going on when you had those suicidal thoughts, and only noticed it when you tried to drown in the ocean? Perhaps she was otherwise a great mother, gave a lot to you, but didn’t have the capacity to face and help you deal with your negative feelings? This too might have caused a sense of abandonment in you.
It appears to me that she didn’t really provide full emotional support to you, even before she got sick, because your negative feelings caused her to feel bad about herself (thinking she’s a bad mother, or it might have caused her to pity herself because she’s giving so much and yet her child isn’t happy, or something along those lines). Do you think that’s a possibility?
May 24, 2021 at 9:43 am in reply to: I do not know if I just want to be heard or need some feedback/advice #380345TeeParticipantDear Kibou,
Thank you for your detailed reply. It does paint a little different picture about your relationship with your mother. It appears she was a very loving and caring mother, and provided emotional support to you – up until she got unwell. You said she was your best friend and provided a sense of stability amidst all the moving and “nomadic lifestyle” during your childhood (“My mum has always been the most “constant” person around me“.)
You started suffering from depression before your mother got sick, and it seems it wasn’t because of your mother, but because of your father (was it because he wasn’t around too much?) and because of your school friends.
In your earlier posts you shared that those friends were rude or jealous towards you, but you didn’t hold it against them, rationalizing that “hurt people hurt people”. Btw, now that I know a little bit more of your story, I wonder if you started rationalizing only after your mother got sick and you had compassion and understanding for her, and by extension, for your school mates as well?
Your depression might have been caused also by the fact that you moved a lot in your formative years. You said you moved 4 times by the time you were 7 years old. You moved once at the age of 4, before your brother was born, and then again when you were around 6, before your sister was born. You remember how on the day your sister was born you were alone in the house for a while, everybody being at the hospital with your mother, and you felt alone.
I guess it was a new house, in the new city, that you had just moved to prior to your sister’s birth? You say you don’t remember it with negative feelings, but still, it was another big change for you. In fact, it was the second time in 2 years that you moved house and a new sibling arrived to the family. Both of those are big changes (new sibling and a new environment), and it happened twice for you in 2 years.
Even though you said your mother loved you the same and you didn’t feel neglected even after your siblings were born, these kinds of changes can be hard on a child. You might have still felt alone, but you didn’t have anybody to blame because those were “the circumstances”. Your mother did the best she could, she was giving her all to you and your siblings. Perhaps you did blame your father for causing those moves to happen, or for not being home too much?
In any case, I believe your first depression has a lot to do with the frequent moves and changes of the environment and the circumstances you lived in. You felt neglected a bit, perhaps abandoned a bit, but you couldn’t really express this disappointment to your mother because she was doing her best. And besides, once when you expressed it – when you told her she doesn’t care about you – she started crying. And you were made to apologize. If you expressed your negative feelings to your mother, she would be hurt, and you knew she doesn’t really deserve it either.
Maybe this is why you started getting depressed – because you felt guilty for having those negative feelings. You said you felt like a burden for having those feelings. You didn’t want to share them with anyone, but once you made something that made your parents alarmed – when you swam far out in the ocean, hoping to get a cramp (and perhaps drown?).
That’s when you told your parents a little about how you’re feeling, and they took you to a therapist. But when you blamed your father for your depression, he got very sad (“looked like he was about to cry, a face I had not seen before on my dad”), and you regretted mentioning it. You decided not to share your negative feelings again because it hurts people.
So basically, the message you received from both of your parents was: you make me sad if you express your negative feelings. You mother cried (when you were 7 years old), and your father almost cried (when you were around 11-12, I guess?) The conclusion: If I share my negative feelings – if I am authentic – I will hurt the people I love.
It’s very similar to: “People only want authenticity if it’s according to their own liking”. Your parents could tolerate your authenticity only if it didn’t make them feel bad. You related this belief to a school debate when you had to debate in favor of an idea that you opposed to. It made you feel inauthentic. However, it could be that the core of that belief is related to your family and that you couldn’t really be authentic with them.
Soon after your first depression, your mother got unwell and you needed to take over a lot of responsibilities:
Although it did feel a bit better coming open with my difficulties it was not long till I found myself saying “take a grip” to myself and started to worry about my mum primarily and the rest of the family.
You didn’t have a chance to deal with yourself, nor did your mother have a chance to perhaps help you cope. She got sick and suddenly you lost her support and the only constant person in your life:
I always had my mum thought to count on, and at a time when I needed her a lot (my depression), she was not available.
As longs as I had my mom, I was fine, but when she was not available it really did feel like I had no one. My mum has always been the most “constant” person around me.
With your mom getting sick, you felt truly abandoned, your felt like you had no one:
The sentence “No one cares about me” is something I would start to say early during my early teens. The time when my mum got unwell.
You had to cope with caring for your siblings, and you were also your mother’s only support:
There was no one else there to help, no friends, language barriers so no professional help, my dad had tons of things going on and between the two it was tense at that time, she only had me who she trusted and felt safe to talk to. Doctors that she went to, well they prescribed the wrong medication which made her condition worse.
And given all the other things that happened or needed to be taken care of, I honestly to this day do not see who could have supported her beside me.
You had to become the care-taker, and suppress all of the negative feelings you had, both the old ones and those newly occurring due to your mother’s illness and the new circumstances you found yourself in.
And then another trauma happened: you had to flee Cuba, literally overnight, without much explanation by your parents. You returned with your mother and siblings to Germany (if I understood well?), while your father stayed on Cuba for another 2 years.
You weren’t warmly received in Germany (“Our arrival back home was messy and disappointing.”) I remember you shared that when you returned to your old school, your old school mates hardly wanted to communicate with you. So you lost at least one close friendship from Cuba, and arrived to a cold and unfriendly place, which was your “home country”.
I see how the trauma accumulated over time, and how it was difficult for you to even be angry at anybody, because no one did anything wrong, and yet you suffered, and your needs weren’t met – due to the “circumstances”. Perhaps your parents’ decisions had brought about those “circumstances”, but anyway, there was always some excuse, some reason why things are bad and no one is to blame – which led to your rationalization. And specially with your mom getting sick, you needed to rationalize a lot, and suppress your anger for suddenly losing your childhood and having to care for your siblings and your mother (at least emotionally).
I will stop here, because this post is long already, but these are my thoughts for now. I’ll wait for your reply before writing more.
TeeParticipantDear Murtaza,
i like how you say this without hesitation, like this is the only reason why i made such post, its actually not, its a combination of my dreamy quality and boredom, that maybe somehow i will feel something when i post here
It seems I don’t understand you after all, and unfortunately can’t help you. I do wish you to find whatever it is you’re looking for, and to feel better and less stuck.
TeeParticipantDear Murtaza,
that believe is based on evidence and a lot of observation
yes, you’ve grown up surrounded by people who were sending you this message, and maybe even the whole society sent you this message. You don’t know anything else. But somewhere in your bones, in the depth of your heart, you know there’s something else. You know that something is wrong with the belief system you grew up in. That’s why you’re writing on various forums, searching, probing… and that’s fine, don’t give up your search!
all this, suggest that i at least think differently from you, and you might have a trouble understanding
In fact, your thinking is not that different than mine, because like you, I wouldn’t be able to settle if I’d need to deny my need for love. I wouldn’t want to change the core of my being so that I could please the society. Because what if the society’s beliefs and a view of love is distorted, and not you?
However, there are aspects where our thinking differs, and it is in the notion of free will. You don’t believe in freewill, I do. If you believe you’re a victim of some programming, and you can’t change the program, then you’re doomed. However, if you can change the program – refuse to believe in certain limiting ideas – you can be free. You have the free will to believe differently, to step out of the “matrix”.
But, you might find it extremely difficult to start believing differently, because this might mean that you need to go against your family, against the norms of your society. This might mean “fighting” and “struggle”, which you absolutely don’t want. You want the easy way, because you saw it around you when growing up. The easy way is to accept those norms and live according to them. And forget the longing of your heart.
i actually have a somehow a decent life, an easy one, one that i don’t have to do anything, one that i live by my rules in it, not other people rules,
Would you care to explain that a little? You have a decent and easy life, you don’t have to do anything, and yet, you don’t live by the society’s rules. How is that possible for you?
May 23, 2021 at 4:48 am in reply to: I’m addicted to nostalgic feelings and it only makes me feel worse, I guess. #380293TeeParticipantDear miyoid,
I just want us to give a break so that I can be back, safe and peaceful again. Like I was a year ago. Even weeks ago, I felt so peaceful to go to sleep while he was already asleep.
This is very likely related to that same feeling of being safe when your mother is sleeping safely in the next room. This is what soothes your anxiety. You might want to try somatic therapy because it works not just with your mind, but also with your body, i.e. your autonomic nervous system, which seems to be triggered whenever you’re physically apart from your boyfriend, or when you imagine you will be apart. The survival instinct flares up and you start fearing you’re going to be abandoned, and thus, your survival is in danger.
This isn’t happening consciously, but subconsciously, involuntarily. It’s written in your nervous system. That’s why I believe that soothing your nervous system and re-writing that old imprint is what could help you to reduce your separation anxiety. Yoga is fine, but perhaps you need something in addition, something more targeted to deal with your specific problem, which would be somatic therapy.
I can see the connection even though a part of me says that I haven’t done enough for my ex-boyfriend. I haven’t made him feel that he was loved enough. That’s what he complained about, he didn’t think that he was a priority in my life.
This is your go-to reaction: blaming yourself for not loving him enough. Rationally, I believe you know it’s not true, but you still blame yourself, because you blamed yourself as a child too for not having your needs met. You believe that if you change, he’ll finally give you what you need. But you know it’s not true…
I even made my mother worry by saying that I was depressed. At first, she thought that I made it worse and also that I could feel better if I wanted to. Then we spent a few hours texting and arguing on how I think about her refusing to respect my depressed state and how I’ve never shown her this side of me. Eventually, she quit arguing and told me that she is basically worried and wants me to feel better.
It’s good that you expressed your feelings to your mother, because till now, you’ve never had, if I remember correctly. You used to pretend things are fine because she would usually downplay your experience. It seems she first tried to deny it or downplay it again, telling you “you could feel better if you wanted to”. But you stood your ground and she finally said she’s worried about you. How did you feel afterwards? Was it a positive or a frustrating experience?
I sometimes see people, some friends going beyond their limit and actually be presumptuous in a bad way and feel bad about myself and get upset about them, Even get angry towards them without expressing it. I guess I get jealous of this, being presumptuous. I never feel like I have the right to be like that and when somebody does it, without having the right, I feel awful.
Presumptuous – as in demanding too much, demanding things they don’t deserve?
I can imagine this could be a trigger for you because you didn’t get things that you did deserve, and so when someone is spoiled and wants too much, it makes you angry.
Maybe it’s my time to do some stuff that I don’t have the right to. Just a thought.
Or things you do have the right to, but only believe you don’t? What are some of the things you believe you don’t have the right to, but still want to do?
TeeParticipantDear Murtaza,
of course i do, im human after all, i desire love and have normal emotion, almost, i don’t understand the need to say such obvious facts.
What you said previously suggested that you felt fundamentally different, because you said:
i was created in a way that guarantee misery
You weren’t created differently, nor are you sentenced to misery forever. Your experience growing up probably involved a lot of rejection, but you decided it’s your fault that you’re so needy. You wanted love but couldn’t get it, perhaps you were even judged and reprimanded for wanting love. That’s why you started believing that there’s something wrong with you, that you’re created in a wrong way (i was created in a way that guarantee misery).
At the same time, you don’t want to change to fit your parents’ and the society’s expectations. You believe that you can only receive love if you change to fit the society’s expectations, and you don’t want that. If the society expects you to relinquish love and become “tough”, then you’re right in not wanting that. So I understand your resistance to change.
my number one goal is to have the easiest life there is, that means no fighting, no changing, no struggle, no people that might make my life harder,
my mother always takes the easy way, its a deep problem that takes root in my teenage years
If you would like to talk more about how your mother took the easy way, you’re welcome.
so i can have what i need ? i don’t think so, i mean i can understand why i have this, but whats the point if i can’t satisfy a bits of it?
You can, if you’re completely honest with yourself and admit your legitimate need for love, without blaming yourself that it’s wrong for you to need it.
TeeParticipantDear Felix,
happy birthday to you!
I am sorry to hear that you’re anxious about your activity on social media. Regarding the 3rd story, you say:
But on my birthday yesterday, most of my acquaintances dont text me at all after seeing my birthday posts on my instagram stories.
Did they congratulate you on instagram? Because if they did, probably they didn’t want to do it twice, sending you a text…
As for posting things to brag about yourself in the past – well, that’s a consequence of being insecure and having low self-esteem. Because then we have a need to compensate for it, so we brag and seek attention. Try to forgive yourself for that. Don’t judge yourself, you didn’t know better. But now you do know better: you know the solution is to have more self-esteem and confidence. One of the ways to develop self-confidence I mentioned in my previous post:
“One way to feel more confident about yourself is to take on some duties in your home – perhaps some chores, or work in the garden – something where you can feel useful and which can give you a sense of accomplishment. You’re not a lazy, incompetent kid – you’re a capable and resourceful smart young man. Try to see yourself like that, and do accordingly.”
Have you started doing something like that, to get a sense of accomplishment? The more accomplished and capable you feel, the less you’ll have the need to brag about yourself.
As for the 2nd story – you re-posting a photo with a female friend, which another girl (that you have a crush on) might have seen. First, it’s your birthday, and it’s a common thing that people congratulate each other by posting their common pictures. There’s no harm in you re-posting it either, since it’s your birthday, and I guess it’s a friendly photo, from which it’s clear that you two aren’t a couple.
And secondly, the other girl, whom you have a crush on, told you not to wait for her, or hope for a relationship. She left for her studies and started a new life.
I said that we can text each other everyday like this, but she said she cant… she feels burden and she doesnt want anyone to wait for her.
She told you it would be a burden for her to keep texting with you every day. She has been texting with you since she was 14, which is super young. She might have liked you as a teenager, but now that she’s a bit older, she doesn’t see you as a potential husband, and she doesn’t want to relate to you romantically. You’d need to accept that and free both her and yourself from expectations. When you accept that she’s not having romantic feelings for you, you won’t obsess about what photos you post on social media…
The 1st story – about tagging your friend whose grandfather passed away on your birthday. Well, he was among the people who sent you the cake, so in theory, you had a reason to tag him. If you hadn’t tagged him, you might have been worrying now that you were rude for not tagging someone who sent you a cake, as if you’re not appreciating his gift. By tagging him, you showed you appreciated his gift. Perhaps you could have added a remark along the lines of “my condolences to XY (your friend) for losing his grandfather”, or something to that effect. But those are details. It’s important that you expressed your condolences in a text, that’s what counts. I am sure he appreciates it.
Next time before you post something, try asking yourself “Am I posting this because I want to seek attention, or because I genuinely feel good about myself and want to express myself?” And also, “if I post this, will it offend someone I care about?”
But don’t exaggerate with being cautious either, because you have a tendency to condemn yourself no matter what you do. You’ll always find some reason to condemn yourself and regret that you have or haven’t posted, and beat yourself up about it. That’s all a consequence of your low self-esteem. Once you develop more self-esteem, you won’t be so judgmental about yourself, you’ll be able to forgive yourself more easily and move on.
And as a birthday wish, I wish you to be kind on yourself, don’t beat yourself up, forgive yourself if you make a mistake. And in the meanwhile, please take my advice on doing something that will give you a sense of accomplishment. Either at home, or at your father’s company, or you might be lifting some weights, or do any other sports – whatever it is to give you the sense that you’re making progress and accomplishing something.
TeeParticipantDear Murtaza,
thank you for answering, you said some really interesting things, for example this:
i also dream there is someone who is hugging me while, understand my pain, sympathies with me, hold me, i sometimes imagine myself as a baby, who being taken care, loved, nurtured,
Well, did you know that we all dream about that? That you’re no different in that respect from the rest of humanity? Every baby and every child longs for being hugged and understood and comforted and held. But so many children don’t receive it, which causes trauma and all sorts of problems later in life. It seems to me you haven’t received that love and nurturing, and this might be the basis of your feelings today.
But please know that in that longing, you’re no different than the rest of humanity, than the rest of the people in your country. Only many of them might not be showing it and admitting it. They might have hardened their hearts to that love and seek something else to compensate for it. Perhaps you don’t want to compensate for it, because you know that all compensation is fake, it’s not the real thing. It’s not the true love that you long for – true love that you know, at least in your dreams.
im glad that you are asking, but can you tell me why? what’s the point ?
So I can know you better and perhaps help you see some things, e.g. that you’re not that different, and that your longing is valid.
TeeParticipantDear Murtaza,
you say about yourself: just different personality, different values, beliefs, way of thinking
Can you tell me about your values and beliefs? How are they different than those of other people?
You said that society will only accept you if you “work, have dreams, have goals, have hobbies, all by society standard”.
What are your goals and dreams?
TeeParticipantDear Murtaza,
i was created in a way that guarantee misery, i won’t change, neither is society
i just wished i wasn’t so different
Do you have some physical or other disability that makes you feel different?
It seems you’ve experienced rejection a lot, and last time it was by someone called antina.
she ended up ignoring me, when she knew that i don’t wanna change
How did she want you to change?
TeeParticipantP.S. Also at 17, your teachers and coaches weren’t supportive of you. They told you they expected more from you. So I guess the people who till then praised you became critical of you?
Even though you had support of your parents, teachers are an important authority in our lives, and can greatly influence our self-esteem. I wonder if you felt betrayed by those teachers?
TeeParticipantDear Ishita,
if I understood well, you excelled at school, at all subjects but sports. But you loved outdoor games, so you participated in them, even though you were treated badly by your batchmates who “didn’t feel you fitted with them.”
I was good in studies always and other things too, so I never used to allow myself to be bothered by not being too good at sports.
But I remember how I used to feel trouble sleeping at night during those interhouse sports selection days
Because I used to feel really anxious during that time and used to feel that the girls(who used to be mean to me) are actually way better than me in that game.
Was there a selection involved, like only the best players were selected to play for a team, and you weren’t selected? Or how did it go?
In any case, it appears you were very anxious for being rejected and criticized by those school mates of yours, who didn’t want you on their team, I suppose?
But since you were still excellent at other subjects, you didn’t allow this to ruin your self-confidence completely (I never used to allow myself to be bothered by not being too good at sports.)
However, when the time for college entrance exams came, you had bad luck and hurt your leg, and were 2 months behind others in preparations.
And thanks to a few toxic friends(i didnt know the concept of toxic friends then, so I never really tried cutting contact with any one of em during that period, and it had impacted my preparation A LOT negatively) , they had a very negative competitive nature.. I used to feel that I am so behind on the syllabus that I would never make it.
Your school mates would probably report to you what’s going on in classes, maybe telling you how super competitive is, how they have to work hard, and if you’re behind even one week, not to mention 2 months, you’re doomed to fail. Is this what was going on? You started to fear that you – the best student in class – would now fail and be left behind.
This is where your anxiety really started to kick in, because now it was about your whole identity, not just about one side of you, which is sports. You said earlier that being “the smartest kid in the class, being really fast” was what defined you, what you identified with. It seems to me you based your self-esteem on it. If it turns out you’re not super smart after all, that you’re just average and there are other, smarter kids than you – then it means you’re nothing special. Is this how you were viewing it?
At the same time, you say:
during my school life, my education was moreof, something that I pursue because I enjoy it and their wasnt really any pressure on me, neither from my family nor my own.
You didn’t feel pressured by your parents to perform well in school. So it’s not that they made you feel bad if you weren’t a straight-A student. Learning came naturally to you, you were smart and enjoyed school, and good marks were a natural result. You weren’t pressured by your parents.
But somehow, when the pressure of competition was introduced, you suddenly became self-conscious and started questioning yourself. It’s like this new, competitive environment made you aware of a harsh world out there, from which you had been protected till then, and suddenly, you lost your place in it. If you’re not the smartest kid in the class, then what are you?
It appears that this confusion lasts till this day. You did say that you understand you worried too much back then:
I wish I could go back and tell the 17 year old self ,how it was ok to let go, because there are bigger things waiting, and I will get it anyways( because now, when I am in college , I see an entirely different picture , to what I used to imagine then, and its so much better)
But it appears you’re still struggling, cannot find your place, cannot regain that self-confidence you had as a child. At 17 you started believing you’re not special, and you still believe it. Your feeling special is linked to your school performance, it seems to me. I believe you would need to disentangle the two, and realize you are special, regardless of your academic performance. How does that sound to you?
TeeParticipantDear Murtaza,
what’s the point of love that require me to change?
it appears you experienced love as very conditional and weren’t loved and accepted for who you are. You don’t want to change to fit other people’s expectations, because you feel it would be fake, and you don’t want to pretend, you want to live an authentic life.
Would you like to expand on it a bit more? What happened 3 years ago, when you started feeling this way?
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 