Slow down. Don’t jump into things.

You say you’re not looking for a relationship yet you wonder why this guy doesn’t seem to be interested in anything more than sex with you. I’m not sure I follow this at all.

I don’t actually mean that you’re willing for someone you love to suffer. That’s not love. I mean when you’re in a relationship where your love makes the other person suffer because they find that they can’t reciprocate. Hardly obsece and more unfortunate than anything else. At the same time I don’t think it’s related to #17 lol. Maybe 29 🙂

Here’s the thing. I love companionship. I love the nurturing feeling of being in a relationship. I love the feeling of partnership and having one special person who cares about you and sees you in a distinctly different light than others (family, friends, etc…)… I genuinely hate not having that.

Paradoxically, some things in life are counter-intuitive. I understand you love relationships. Who doesn’t? They make us dance in the rain and do crazy things because we’re so happy. The challenge here is not to be in a relationship solely in pursuit of self-worth, happiness or simply to just not be alone. Otherwise, it just backfires. You will end up hurt and disappointed when the person you’ve invested so much love, time and effort into runs off and you will only find yourself broken because you haven’t invested any of that love into yourself. It’s not healthy. You have to be comfortable and happy with yourself. You have to love and nurture yourself. Honestly, Courtney, this is exactly what i’m working on myself after my own breakup. It isn’t easy, but you have to step back and just evaluate what you mean to yourself and what you really want out of relationships so you don’t end up spending another 5 years with someone who doesn’t deserve you.

I’ve tried “just being happy alone” and I don’t like it. While I’m a lot more independent than I used to be, I don’t feel an immense amount of joy doing things alone. I try to say kind things to myself, go out and treat myself to dessert, pamper myself by doing my nails, and grabbing my favorite blanket to cuddle up with (alone) on the couch and watch my favorite movie. Maybe some people aren’t meant to feel fully happy alone? Aren’t we technically creatures that thrive in unions and closely among other humans?

Being alone doesn’t mean you have to do everything alone. Grab a friend, make some plans and go for drinks or a movie. Even if you don’t have a friend available, grab a book and go to a coffee shop. Go to a book store. Go for walks. Volunteer for some events. Go on meetup.com and see if you can find a group that you’d like to join. Travel sometimes and do something outside your comfort zone. These are the things I try to do and i’m slowly beginning to develop wanderlust at the immense possibilities that i have available to me now. I can go anywhere i want. I can move if i want to. I have nothing stopping me. I have nobody to check-in with. I’m just me. When you start thinking this way, you really become free and I think that’s where you want to be. And trust me, one day someone will drop in and it’ll be completely unexpected. So don’t force love. It’ll come when the time is right. And the time now is to work on yourself.

Everyone seeks purpose in life and knowing that there is a maker and that everyone exists for a reason gives people a shot of optimism. I am not here to judge atheists, but I don’t know how they live their lives knowing that they’re nothing but space dust and when they’re gone… they’re just gone. That’s pretty tough. Aside from that I’ve experienced things in my life that just don’t look like coincidences no matter how you twist and turn them… Things that make me wonder if i were being helped by something.

Kelly,

Have you tried other sites like behance, tumblr or pinterest? DeviantArt seemed to have always attracted teenagers so i’m not surprised that this kind of stuff happens there. What kind of art do you do?

Love is an amazing feeling and it can absorb you and send you to the clouds, but you have to stay rational at least sometimes :). I’m very sorry you had to ask yourself the question of whether she will cheat on you when lonely. And I think it’s a little early to talk about marriage when you hear stuff like this. Anita is right, your girl needs to do some healing before she can commit to you. Otherwise, I think she’ll struggle in any relationship. I also get the feeling that she’s not happy with herself and I don’t think this is a good state to be in for marriage. However, I think you too need to work on yourself as well. I think you rely too much on her for your own happiness. That’s a tough position to put yourself into because it raises your expectations and can burn you. I think YOU can help her, but SHE cannot help you here. So be careful and try not to hurt yourself. Don’t expect too much. Having said that, you’re young, you only live once. Do crazy things. If you think you can/should move with her – do it!