You’ll Do What You Have to Do
How to Overcome Ultra-Independence and Receive Love and Support
“Ultra-independence is a coping mechanism we develop when we’ve learned it’s not safe to trust love or when we are terrified to lose ourselves in another. We aren’t meant to go it alone. We are wounded in relationship and we heal in relationship.” ~Rising Woman
Do you feel like you have to do everything on your own?
Is it difficult for you to ask for and receive help for fear of being let down?
Have you ever heard the expression “Ultra-independence may be a trauma response”?
If this is you, I get it; that was me too.
Please know there …
The Powerful Insight That Helped Me Worry Less and Sleep Again
“Surrender is not about giving up. It is about letting go of the illusion of control.” ~Judith Orloff
Watching my mother lose her memory while I was losing mine felt like a cruel preview of my future—until I learned that stress, not genetics, was writing my story.
It was 3:47 a.m.—again. I’d been awake since 2:13, and before that I’d slept maybe ten minutes.
This had been my pattern for years: wake up shortly after falling asleep, check the clock, lie there frustrated.
Wake again, check the clock, review the day prior, and plan the next day.
But this …
Breaking Free from Self-Consciousness and Erythrophobia
“Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.” ~Brené Brown
I used to call myself a “beetroot.” It was a label of defectiveness that my inner critic screamed at me every time I felt the heat rising in my cheeks. For years, I lived with erythrophobia, an intense and persistent fear of blushing that quietly dismantled my world from the inside out.
Most people blush. A warm flush creeps up the neck before a first date or a public speech, and then it passes. For me, …
To the Wounded Parent Who Wants to Do Everything Right
“The greatest gift you can give your children is your own healing.” ~Dr. Shefali Tsabary
Am I doing too much or not enough?
Am I screwing my child up? Am I being too hard on my child? Am I being too soft? Am I spending enough time with my child? Do I help too much? Should I help more?
Is my son going to be taken advantage of because he talks about his feelings? Is my daughter going to be considered too bossy because she has boundaries? Should I be doing more as a parent? Or less?
These are the …
Why I Gossiped and What I Now Do Instead
“Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss people.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt
I stopped gossiping when life humbled me. I didn’t realize at the time, but what I thought was just innocent girl talk with my friends was really a way to escape my own shame and insecurity.
I had this quiet, ongoing sense that I wasn’t measuring up personally or emotionally. Gossiping about someone else gave me a fleeting escape, since it allowed me to shift my focus to someone else’s behavior. Every time I did it, I felt a sense of guilt and shame after, but I never thought too …
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