How Cleaning Increases Dopamine Levels
The Cult of People and What It Means to Be Free
“Sometimes walking away is the only way to stop walking away from yourself.” ~Unknown
I was between sessions. My TV was on in the background—something I’d half-started watching called The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives on Hulu—as I walked into the kitchen to make myself some lunch.
It’s about a group of Mormon wives who became TikTok famous and got into what they call “soft swing.” In one scene, a young woman argues with her mother, who has a long list of rules about how her daughter should behave. The daughter has been avoiding church, tiptoeing around the threat of …
Why I Couldn’t Stop Reacting (Even Though I Knew Better)
“Knowledge is not skill. Knowledge plus ten thousand times is skill.” ~Shinichi Suzuki
I knew exactly what to say to my narcissistic mother. I just could never say it.
For twenty years I studied every technique in the book. Gray rocking (becoming emotionally neutral and unreactive). Broken record (calmly repeating the same boundary). Don’t JADE (Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain). I could explain these strategies to a stranger at a coffee shop with complete clarity.
But when my mom was sitting across from me at dinner, pushing every button she knew I had, all of it vanished. Every single time.
My
Learning to Speak Up When You Were Taught That Your Feelings Don’t Matter
“A proper grown-up communicates clearly and assertively.”
This is something I have heard many people say.
By that definition, I wouldn’t have been classed as a proper grown-up for most of my life.
There was a time when I couldn’t even ask someone for a glass of water. I know that might seem crazy to some people, and for a long time I did feel crazy for it.
Why couldn’t I do the things others did without even thinking about it? Why couldn’t I just say what I needed to say? Why couldn’t I just be normal?
Those questions …
When You Feel Trapped in a Life That Looks Good on Paper
“When something isn’t right for you, it has a way of letting you know. Not in one big announcement, but in a thousand small nudges.” ~Martha Beck
I was sitting at the kitchen table with my coffee one morning when a thought slipped in that I hadn’t let myself think before: This can’t be the rest of my life.
There wasn’t one dramatic moment I could point to and say, “This is why I have to leave.”
Part of me wished there had been something obvious, some clear betrayal or breaking point I could point to and say, “…
