Unexpected Beauty
Why I Couldn’t Stop Reacting (Even Though I Knew Better)
“Knowledge is not skill. Knowledge plus ten thousand times is skill.” ~Shinichi Suzuki
I knew exactly what to say to my narcissistic mother. I just could never say it.
For twenty years I studied every technique in the book. Gray rocking (becoming emotionally neutral and unreactive). Broken record (calmly repeating the same boundary). Don’t JADE (Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain). I could explain these strategies to a stranger at a coffee shop with complete clarity.
But when my mom was sitting across from me at dinner, pushing every button she knew I had, all of it vanished. Every single time.
My
Learning to Speak Up When You Were Taught That Your Feelings Don’t Matter
“A proper grown-up communicates clearly and assertively.”
This is something I have heard many people say.
By that definition, I wouldn’t have been classed as a proper grown-up for most of my life.
There was a time when I couldn’t even ask someone for a glass of water. I know that might seem crazy to some people, and for a long time I did feel crazy for it.
Why couldn’t I do the things others did without even thinking about it? Why couldn’t I just say what I needed to say? Why couldn’t I just be normal?
Those questions …
When You Feel Trapped in a Life That Looks Good on Paper
“When something isn’t right for you, it has a way of letting you know. Not in one big announcement, but in a thousand small nudges.” ~Martha Beck
I was sitting at the kitchen table with my coffee one morning when a thought slipped in that I hadn’t let myself think before: This can’t be the rest of my life.
There wasn’t one dramatic moment I could point to and say, “This is why I have to leave.”
Part of me wished there had been something obvious, some clear betrayal or breaking point I could point to and say, “…
What Happened When We Chose Not to React in Anger
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response.” ~Viktor E. Frankl
A few months ago, I was on a crowded highway with my wife and son. Traffic was barely moving. Vehicles were inching forward, one small gap at a time, with the usual impatience hanging in the air.
Suddenly, there was a loud bang. It sounded like something had burst.
For a second, I didn’t understand what had happened. Then I realized a motorcyclist trying to squeeze through the narrow space between cars had hit us. His side bar
