Social Hypervigilance
Why I Stopped Expecting People to Love Me Like I Love Them
“Expectation is the root of all heartache.” ~Unknown
I turned forty this year. And I am only now figuring out something I wish someone had told me at twenty.
Most of my pain—the kind that sat in my chest for days, the kind that made me replay conversations at 2 a.m., the kind that made me wonder what was wrong with me—was not really coming from other people.
It was coming from what I expected them to do.
I know. That is not an easy thing to hear. It wasn’t easy for me either.
My Mother Never Knew She Taught
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How a Toxic Workplace Made Me Doubt Myself
I used to think I was just bad at coping with stress.
Every Sunday evening, I felt anxious about the week ahead. My chest would tighten when certain emails appeared in my inbox. Before meetings, I’d rehearse what I wanted to say over and over, trying to avoid saying the wrong thing.
At the time, I blamed myself.
I told myself I needed to be tougher, calmer, better, more resilient. Everyone else seemed to be managing, so I assumed the problem must be me.
What I didn’t understand then was how deeply a toxic workplace can affect your sense of
Overcoming Codependency: Breaking the Cycle of Unhealthy Relationships
“A codependent person is one who has let another person’s behavior affect him or her and who is obsessed with controlling that person’s behavior.” ~Melody Beattie
From a young age, I felt insecure in my own skin. I was a highly sensitive child and, subsequently, struggled with low self-worth for most of my life.
Although I had many friends and a good family, I consistently looked for approval outside of myself. I grew up believing that the opinions of others were the only accurate representations of my core worth.
As a teenager, I witnessed the crumbling and eventual demise of …
The Problem with Being the Easy One
“We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others, that in the end we become disguised to ourselves.” ~François de La Rochefoucauld
“So, in your relationship, do your partner’s needs always dictate how things go?”
My therapist looked at me quizzically after I’d just shared with him that our dinner plans had suddenly changed the night before because my partner was tired from a long day at work, and I just went along with what he needed.
He had initiated a night out, I had dressed up and prepared for a restaurant meal, and when I arrived at his place, …
Learning How to Live Life to the Fullest with Mental Illness
There is a famous Latin phrase that I absolutely love: Carpe diem. It means “Seize the day.” Younger people might be more familiar with the phrase “You only live once,” or YOLO. Both phrases encourage people to live their lives to the fullest.
I have struggled with depression and anxiety since my childhood, making it difficult to live by these phrases and enjoy life. I’ve missed out on a lot of precious moments with loved ones.
Recently, however, my mental health has been taking a turn for the better, and I’ve been doing my best to make up for all
What I Learned from a Lifetime of Feeling Different
“Not until we are lost do we begin to find ourselves.” ~Henry David Thoreau
I’ve spent most of my life feeling like I was standing just outside the circle.
Not always, but whenever I stepped back and looked at the whole of my life, the thread running through has been a sense of being on the outside looking in.
I think that feeling drove me for a long time. I wanted to prove something, to earn my place through effort and excellence. I wanted to be the kind of person people were glad to know.
I pushed myself in sports, …
