You’re a Good Person
My Father Taught Me Love Is Something You Earn; He Was Wrong
“One of the hardest things I’ve had to understand is that closure comes from within. Especially difficult if you’ve been betrayed by someone you love because you feel like you gotta let them know the pain they caused, but the peace you seek can only be given to you by you.” ~Bruna Nessif
A photo of my father handing me a tennis trophy has hung in my living room for years.
Even now, if I stare at it too long, I can feel the old rush: pride, relief, belonging. For most of my life, that photograph served as proof that …
What Helped Me Heal from a Breakup and Create a Life I Love
“Courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it.” ~Nelson Mandela
First, I slept in a snow shelter at -20°C.
Second, I stood alone on a stage in Montreal and tried to make strangers laugh.
Third, I stuck out my thumb on the side of a highway with nothing but a backpack and hoped that a stranger would take me home, 1,200 kilometers away.
I did all of these things deliberately, on purpose, as part of a project I called my Year of Fear. The idea was simple: face one new personal fear every month for a …
The Cult of People and What It Means to Be Free
“Sometimes walking away is the only way to stop walking away from yourself.” ~Unknown
I was between sessions. My TV was on in the background—something I’d half-started watching called The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives on Hulu—as I walked into the kitchen to make myself some lunch.
It’s about a group of Mormon wives who became TikTok famous and got into what they call “soft swing.” In one scene, a young woman argues with her mother, who has a long list of rules about how her daughter should behave. The daughter has been avoiding church, tiptoeing around the threat of …
Why I Couldn’t Stop Reacting (Even Though I Knew Better)
“Knowledge is not skill. Knowledge plus ten thousand times is skill.” ~Shinichi Suzuki
I knew exactly what to say to my narcissistic mother. I just could never say it.
For twenty years I studied every technique in the book. Gray rocking (becoming emotionally neutral and unreactive). Broken record (calmly repeating the same boundary). Don’t JADE (Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain). I could explain these strategies to a stranger at a coffee shop with complete clarity.
But when my mom was sitting across from me at dinner, pushing every button she knew I had, all of it vanished. Every single time.
My
Learning to Speak Up When You Were Taught That Your Feelings Don’t Matter
“A proper grown-up communicates clearly and assertively.”
This is something I have heard many people say.
By that definition, I wouldn’t have been classed as a proper grown-up for most of my life.
There was a time when I couldn’t even ask someone for a glass of water. I know that might seem crazy to some people, and for a long time I did feel crazy for it.
Why couldn’t I do the things others did without even thinking about it? Why couldn’t I just say what I needed to say? Why couldn’t I just be normal?
Those questions …
