People Who Mishandled You
A Simple Question That Helps When I Feel Anxious
“In every walk with nature one receives far more than he seeks.” ~John Muir
I used to think life was like an obstacle course, a series of hurdles you either cleared or stumbled over. For a long time, I stumbled a lot.
What I didn’t realize then was how easily repeated setbacks can turn into a habit of expecting the next one. After a while, you stop living in the present and start waiting for the other shoe to drop.
After I graduated from college, I followed the path I thought I was supposed to take. I moved to Philadelphia …
I Broke My Patterns and Love Still Didn’t Last
“When a flower doesn’t bloom, you fix the environment in which it grows, not the flower.” ~Alexander Den Heijer
He was intelligent, well-read, and kind. A good father, careful about protecting his kids from meeting partners too soon. A man with a life philosophy, who kept his word, who told the truth with an honesty that didn’t flinch—and it wasn’t a performance. He wasn’t afraid of healthy conflict; he could sit in a hard conversation without disappearing. And he also happened to be tall, dark, and handsome.
He checked almost every single thing on my list. And I mean that …
When Your Sadness Starts Coloring Everything
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response.” ~Viktor Frankl
A few weeks ago, I moved to a new city for a new job, leaving behind a quiet hill town where I had built five years of friendships, routines, and a version of myself I understood well. I told everyone, including myself, that I was excited. Mostly, I was. But underneath the excitement was a grief I hadn’t fully named yet.
I didn’t notice it arriving. I only noticed what it left behind.
It was an ordinary afternoon when I …
When Your Feelings Were Never Safe at Home
“The fuel of life is feeling. If we’re not filled up in childhood, we must fill ourselves as adults.” ~Jonice Webb, author of Running on Empty
I was nine years old the first time I taught myself how to disconnect completely from my emotions.
It started with a secret I wasn’t supposed to tell, a classroom that turned on me by lunchtime, and a mother who had nothing left to give me the exact moment I needed her most. By the end of that day, I understood the one rule my whole family lived by, even though nobody had ever …
Healing Is Happening Even When You Can’t See It
“One never notices what has been done; one can only see what remains to be done.” ~Marie Curie
I almost didn’t go to my cousin’s wedding.
Not because I didn’t want to celebrate her. I did. But the thought of walking into a room full of people who knew the version of me from two years ago felt unbearable.
They knew that version well.
The one who cried in bathroom stalls at family gatherings. Who smiled through dinners while silently replaying an argument from three days earlier. Who drank a little too much at Christmas because it was easier than …
Once You See the Relationship Pattern, You Can’t Unsee It
“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” ~Maya Angelou
The weekend started like any other family visit. Our family was in town, and it began with real excitement. Kids running everywhere, chocolate chip muffins in the oven, homemade ice cream for our guests, the ordinary, happy chaos of everyone existing in the same space.
On the second day we noticed one of the visiting kids had a runny nose and was rubbing her snot all over herself as she was grabbing our toddler to hold her. She loves babies, and we adore that about her. …
How to Suffer Less When You’re Waiting for Answers
“Rule your mind or it will rule you.” ~Buddha
Some mornings I wake before dawn and lie still, listening for signs that the house is awake.
A cough down the hallway.
The sound of a drawer opening.
Water running softly in the kitchen sink.
My mother is ninety-seven years old now, and before my feet even touch the floor, part of me is already listening for proof that the world has not changed overnight.
When I hear movement, I exhale.
Only then do I reach for my phone.
I tell myself I’m just checking messages. But lately I’ve realized I …
The Wholeness I Found When I Lost Someone I Love
“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” ~Rumi
The room didn’t change when she left. The chair was where it had always been, angled toward the window the way she liked it. What changed was that I could finally see the shape of the thing I’d been leaning on, now that it wasn’t there to lean on anymore.
For a long time, I called what I felt “love,” and some of it was. But underneath the grief was something I was slower to admit. A lot of what I missed wasn’t her. It was the version of …
