People Who Love You Don’t Critique Your Survival
The Tattoo That Marks 13 Years of Healing After Abuse
“When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.” ~Maya Angelou
In June 2011, I got a Facebook friend request from a guy I vaguely knew from college. We’d never dated, never even been close, but I knew him by reputation. Charming. Vain. The kind of guy who always had someone.
He’d just been hired to teach at my school, where I was about to start my fifth year as a counselor. He framed the request as wanting to connect as colleagues, so I accepted.
When school started that August, he made it a point to show …
Why We Keep Accepting the Same Painful Relationship Patterns
“Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” ~George Santayana
I was gone about two hours.
I’d gone to see my stepbrother, who lived nearby. My girlfriend didn’t want to come, so I told her to rest, and I’d be back soon.
When I got back to my father’s property, where we lived in the camper we’d bought together, it was gone. So was she.
She’d packed my clothes into a bag and left them on my father’s porch on her way out. That told me everything I needed to know. The camper was the only place …
From Hyper-Independent to Human: Learning How to Accept Help
“Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome.” ~Brené Brown
It happened on a regular Tuesday night over the smallest thing. I was cooking dinner after a really long, exhausting day at my job. I spent the whole day fixing problems for everyone else, and I was completely drained.
I reached into the cupboard to grab a heavy glass jar of pasta sauce. It slipped right out of my fingers and smashed all over the hard floor.
Red sauce splashed across the white cabinets, …
When Doing More Is Really an Attempt to Control the Outcome
“Uncertainty is the only certainty there is, and knowing how to live with insecurity is the only security.” ~John Allen Paulos
I refreshed the analytics page even though I had checked it only a few minutes earlier. The number had not changed, so I opened the project, reread the opening line, tested a button, and returned to the dashboard. My shoulders were tight and my eyes felt dry, but I kept moving between the same pages as though one of them might suddenly tell me what to do next.
The work was finished for the evening. Everything important was functioning, …
