Choose People Who Care
How to Know When You’re Truly Ready to Forgive
“Forgiveness is a painful and difficult process. It’s not something that happens overnight. It’s an evolution of the heart.” ~Sue Monk Kidd
Sometimes I hear the word “forgiveness” and I cringe.
I’ve been wrestling with this all year because I realized something really uncomfortable: When I look back at those moments where I felt betrayed, in most instances, I wasn’t a victim of other people’s bad behavior—I was a willing participant.
For years, I stayed in one-sided relationships and situations that asked me to shrink and conform to other people’s expectations. I gave everything and got crumbs (and this includes …
30 Reminders for Sensitive People Who Feel Drained, Ashamed, or Judged
“Highly sensitive people are too often perceived as weaklings or damaged goods. To feel intensely is not a symptom of weakness, it is the trademark of the truly alive and compassionate.” ~Anthon St. Maarten
There are some words that get painfully etched into our memories as if with a red-hot poker. For me, growing up, those words were “you’re too sensitive.”
I often caught this phrase in the fumbling hands of my shame after someone chucked it at me with callousness and superiority as a means to justify their cruelty.
They may have said something vicious or condescending in private …
How I Live My Life Now, After 10 Days of Silence
“If there is no peace in the minds of individuals, how can there be peace in the world? Make peace in your own mind first.” ~S. N. Goenka
I recently completed my third Vipassana meditation course.
There is a moment at the beginning of the course when you surrender your phone (and receive it back at the end). That transition feels deeply symbolic. The outer world goes quiet, not all at once, but unmistakably. And only then do you realize how much static you’ve been carrying.
I never want it back at the end. Never.
Ten days with no phone. …
Why Protecting Your Energy Isn’t Selfish or Shameful
“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” ~Ian Maclaren
A friend recently told me a story about her mother that stayed with me.
They walk together some evenings around her mom’s apartment building—part exercise, part ritual. Her mom doesn’t enjoy small talk. When they pass people in the building, she usually keeps her eyes forward. There’s one woman in particular who always says, “How are you?” Years ago, her mom would respond. Now she doesn’t. She keeps walking.
My friend felt conflicted. Part of her understood. Another part felt uncomfortable. She said, “Sometimes saying ‘I’m fine’ …
It’s Okay to Have No Purpose Beyond Being and Enjoying This Moment
“I don’t believe people are looking for the meaning of life as much as they are looking for the experience of being alive.” ~Joseph Campbell
I was sitting on my yoga mat with my legs stretched out in front of me. I bent forward into a fold, puffing and clenching my jaw as I extended my fingertips toward my toes. I was growing angrier by the second.
A slew of sour thoughts marched through my brain.
This is stupid. I thought yoga was supposed to be relaxing. I’m so out of shape. Other people have no trouble with this pose. …
Why Trying to Be Good Enough Kept Me Feeling Empty
“The opposite of belonging is not isolation—it’s fitting in.” ~Brené Brown
One of my earliest memories comes from kindergarten.
My mom had bought me a new pair of navy-blue corduroy pants for an event at school. We didn’t get new clothes often, so this felt important. But what stayed with me wasn’t the pants themselves or the event—it was the way I felt wearing them.
I remember standing there, already tense, afraid that the other kids would think I looked stupid. Afraid they wouldn’t want to play with me. Afraid that being different, even in something small, would mean I …
The Betrayal of Expectations: Coping When Life Doesn’t Go to Plan
“What will mess you up most in life is the picture in your head of how it is supposed to be.” ~Unknown
I expected to get into college. I expected to have a career after a lot of hard work, and that one day I’d meet a nice man and we would get married. We would buy our first house together and start a family, picking out a crib and the baby’s “going home” outfit and organizing a drawer full of diapers. We’d have more babies and go on vacations and grow old together.
I expected that one day I’d …
When Being Helpful Hurts: A Guide to Better Boundaries When You’re Feeling Drained
“You teach people how to treat you by what you allow, what you stop, and what you reinforce.” ~Tony Gaskins
It was a Tuesday afternoon when I said the word that saved my sanity: “No.”
Just two letters. But the weight I’d been carrying for twenty-eight years finally lifted.
My phone was ringing. Again. It was my cousin, and I already knew what she wanted before I answered. Could I watch her kids this Saturday? I know it’s your only day off, but it would really help me out.
I sat in my car in the grocery store parking lot, …
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