May I Always Remain the Person Who…
Learning How to Live Life to the Fullest with Mental Illness
There is a famous Latin phrase that I absolutely love: Carpe diem. It means “Seize the day.” Younger people might be more familiar with the phrase “You only live once,” or YOLO. Both phrases encourage people to live their lives to the fullest.
I have struggled with depression and anxiety since my childhood, making it difficult to live by these phrases and enjoy life. I’ve missed out on a lot of precious moments with loved ones.
Recently, however, my mental health has been taking a turn for the better, and I’ve been doing my best to make up for all
What I Learned from a Lifetime of Feeling Different
“Not until we are lost do we begin to find ourselves.” ~Henry David Thoreau
I’ve spent most of my life feeling like I was standing just outside the circle.
Not always, but whenever I stepped back and looked at the whole of my life, the thread running through has been a sense of being on the outside looking in.
I think that feeling drove me for a long time. I wanted to prove something, to earn my place through effort and excellence. I wanted to be the kind of person people were glad to know.
I pushed myself in sports, …
How My Need to Clean Was a Childhood Coping Skill
“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” ~E.E. Cummings
When I was a little girl, I had the smallest bedroom in the house.
It was tiny. Honestly, probably the size of a small walk-in closet. But it was mine. And for the first time, I got to choose what it looked like.
I remember picking out baby blue wallpaper with little pink flowers on it. My mom put it halfway up the wall with a wood border, and the top half stayed white. I chose a soft blue carpet to match. I had a twin …
What Happened When I Stopped Managing Every Reaction
“Peace is not the absence of resistance. It is learning to stop judging yourself for being human.” ~Unknown
At the time of writing this, I am on vacation.
My wife and I are parked beside a quiet lake in our RV, our small moving version of home. We’ve always loved that part of it: bringing our little piece of the world wherever we go. Our coffee mugs. Our blankets. Our favorite foods. Our routines. The small familiar things that make an unfamiliar place feel like ours.
This morning, the lake looked perfectly still.
Rain tapped softly against the windows. The …
The Wonder and Heartbreak of Life Under Our Sky
“The world is indeed full of peril, and in it there are many dark places; but still there is much that is fair, and though in all lands love is now mingled with grief, it grows perhaps the greater.” ~J.R.R. Tolkien
It was my son’s fifteenth birthday. His basketball game got canceled, so my wife, my son, and I climbed back into the car a bit disappointed and started the drive home.
We were just heading back to the house as we always did after games. My wife was mid-sentence when something caught my eye before she could finish it. …
How to Suffer Less When You’re Waiting for Answers
“Rule your mind or it will rule you.” ~Buddha
Some mornings I wake before dawn and lie still, listening for signs that the house is awake.
A cough down the hallway.
The sound of a drawer opening.
Water running softly in the kitchen sink.
My mother is ninety-seven years old now, and before my feet even touch the floor, part of me is already listening for proof that the world has not changed overnight.
When I hear movement, I exhale.
Only then do I reach for my phone.
I tell myself I’m just checking messages. But lately I’ve realized I …
