When Your Best Looks Different
Break the Cycle: How to Heal the Patterns You Didn’t Choose
“We don’t inherit the earth from our ancestors; we borrow it from our children.” ~Native American Proverb
For years, I blamed my parents for my anxiety, my defensiveness, and my need to be right. Then I learned they inherited the same patterns from their parents. And theirs before them.
This wasn’t about blame. It was about breaking a cycle nobody chose.
The Stutter That Taught Me Everything
As a teenager, I developed a stutter. Not just occasional hesitation—paralyzing anxiety about speaking.
I’d anticipate making mistakes when reading aloud. Starting conversations felt like walking through a minefield. The fear of stuttering …
Grieving the Parents You Needed but Never Had
“We can’t receive from others what they were never taught to give.” ~Unknown
When I was younger, I believed that love meant being understood. I thought my parents would be there for me, emotionally and mentally. But love, I’ve learned, isn’t always expressed in the ways we need, and not everyone has the tools to give what they never received.
As an adult, I’ve learned something both liberating and heartbreaking: Parents can only give what they have.
I used to get frustrated that my parents couldn’t really understand my mental health struggles. The realization didn’t hit me suddenly. It …
How to Cope When Trauma Stole Your Childhood Memories
“It’s all right if you can’t remember. Our subconscious is spectacularly agile. Sometimes it knows when to take us away, as a kind of protection.” ~Kathleen Glasgow
A couple of weeks ago, I found myself crying in the park. It was supposed to be just a typical summer day. I was enjoying my usual stroll with my dog, Boni. The sun was shining, and the shade of the trees provided a very welcoming shelter from the burning sun.
Children were running and laughing, and their joy drew me in. Two of them, tiny three-year-olds, were squealing, all happy, wearing Hawaiian-style …
Why Listening Matters More Than Giving Advice (A Barbershop Lesson)
“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” ~Stephen R. Covey
I used to think running a barbershop was all about haircuts, schedules, and keeping clients happy. I measured success by the number of chairs filled, how quickly we moved through the day, and whether everything ran smoothly. Efficiency felt like the most important thing.
Then one afternoon, a moment with a customer changed everything.
Mr. Hicks, a regular, came in looking unusually quiet. He slumped in my chair, barely making eye contact, and gave only short, mumbled answers when I …
Learning to Feel Safe Resting After a Lifetime of People-Pleasing
“Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under trees on a summer’s day, listening to the murmur of water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time.” ~John Lubbock
For years, I thought exhaustion was a sign I lived fully and did my best that day. I felt proud of being exhausted. I squeezed every bit out of the day, and there was nothing left.
If I felt tired, I pushed myself to do just one more thing. It was always just one more thing. If I needed …
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