If Someone Is at War with Themselves
A Little-Known Truth About People-Pleasing and How to Stop (for Good)
“Being a people-pleaser may be more than a personality trait; it could be a response to serious trauma.” ~Alex Bachert
Growing up in a home, school, and church that placed a lot of value on good behavior, self-discipline, and corporal punishment, I was a model child. There could have been an American Girl doll designed after me—the well-mannered church girl with a nineties hairbow edition.
I was quiet and pleasant and never got sent to the principal’s office. Complaining and “ugly” emotions were simply not allowed. Though I was very rambunctious and “rebellious” as a toddler, all of that was …
Dysfunctional Family Survivors: 7 Myths that Hold Your Healing Hostage
“I have never known a patient to portray their parents more negatively than they actually experienced them in childhood but always more positively–because idealization of their parents was essential for their survival.” Alice Miller, Thou Shalt Not Be Aware: Society’s Betrayal of the Child
If we’re born into dysfunctional families and, by some miracle, manage to recognize there’s something really wrong there, we can end up devoting a huge portion of our time on Earth (if not all of it) to piecemealing a life not defined by the despair and pain we felt as children.
How a Barbell Helped Me Confront the Harsh Voice Inside my Head
“The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.” ~Elbert Hubbard
I’m breathing fast; my heart rate is off the scale. I close my eyes and try to fill my lungs with air. My pulse starts slowing down.
Still forty seconds of rest left, my timekeeper shows. A single drop of sweat is running down my back, tickling me. I open my eyes again and drink a sip of lukewarm water, then I get ready for the next series.
Six down, four to go. This is a good day, I
The Friend I Couldn’t Fix: A Story of Love, Loss and Letting Go
TRIGGER WARNING: This post deals with an account of domestic violence and may be triggering to some.
“You can’t heal the people you love. You can’t make choices for them. You can’t rescue them.” ~Unknown
Every story starts at the beginning. But how far back should I go? Birth?
I was born at Our Lady of Lourdes Hospital in Camden, New Jersey, in May of 1972…just after three in the morning.
No, wait. That’s not morning. It’s still dark outside.
Forgive me. That’s an inside joke.
You see, just a few years ago a friend of thirty years came to …
3 Reasons Why Putting Yourself First Is Not Selfish
“It’s not selfish to love yourself, take care of yourself, and to make your happiness a priority. It’s necessary.” ~Mandy Hale
I have to start off with how I define the different levels of self-care.
There is what I call surface-level self-care. This would be things like getting your nails done and taking a bubble bath. Very important stuff but not the type of self-care that’s going to help you make the changes on the inside that create change in your outside world.
Then we have deep-level self-care. I define this as working on things like setting …
How to Move Through Your Fear by Retraining Your Brain
When you’re in fight-or-flight mode, everything you do or don’t do teaches the brain something about the perceived threat. When you avoid or flee the situation, your brain experiences a wave of relief. The amygdala learns that avoiding that situation is how you stay safe from that threat.
This is exactly how you want the brain to respond if the threat is a grizzly bear. But what if the perceived threat is something less biologically adaptive, like a worry about being judged or teased?
Let’s say you’re invited to a party full of new people, and you have thoughts of …
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 