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Category “love & relationships”

How to Step Out of the Drama Triangle and Find Real Peace

“Keep your attention focused entirely on what is truly your own concern, and be clear that what belongs to others is their business and none of yours.” ~Epictetus

 Are you addicted to drama? I was, but I didn’t know it. …

The People Who Hurt Us Are Vehicles for Our Growth

“You only see in others what you have in yourself.” ~Annette Noontil

I now recognize, after observing painful patterns repeat many times, how things that trigger me are just lessons I need to learn that are often delivered through other …

When You Feel Tired of Hoping and Trying, Remember…

“What happens when people open their hearts? They get better.” ~Haruki Murakami

What do you do when just can’t do it anymore? When the pain is too much? The discouragement is too much? The hoping and trying are too …

What If Everyone Were Conspiring to Help You?

“The sage perspective accepts every outcome and circumstance as an opportunity.” ~Shirzad Chamine

No doubt you’re familiar with paranoia. In the modern world, it’s hard not to be. And as Joseph Heller wrote, just because you’re paranoid, it doesn’t …

How to Stop Feeling Consumed by Your Fear of Being Alone

“Pain makes you stronger. Fear makes you braver. Heartbreak makes you wiser.” ~Unknown

You wake up and check your phone expecting a “good morning” text, but there’s nothing there. Going through your day, everything feels quieter and there’s a gaping …

My Life with an Alcoholic Parent (and 6 Addiction Myths)

“Be the person who breaks the cycle. If you were judged, choose understanding. If you were rejected, choose acceptance. If you were shamed, choose compassion. Be the person you needed when you were hurting, not the person who hurt you.

10 Things You Need to Know to Maintain Strong Friendships

“A friend is someone with whom you dare to be yourself.” ~Frank Crane

Studies show that feeling connected to other people is a core human need. A sense of connection impacts not only on our mental health but also our …

How to Journal Away Your Disappointment in Yourself

“Forgive yourself for not knowing better at the time. Forgive yourself for giving away your power. Forgive yourself for past behaviors. Forgive yourself for the survival patterns and traits you picked up while enduring trauma. Forgive yourself for being who

What to Do When Someone You Love is Struggling

“Sometimes the easiest way to solve a problem is to stop participating in the problem.” ~ Jonathan Mead

I don’t think I’m alone in having someone in my life whom I wish I could change. Someone I see struggling, who …

It’s More Important to Be Authentic Than Impressive

“The most fundamental harm we can do to ourselves is to remain ignorant by not having the courage to look at ourselves honestly and gently.” ~Pema Chödrön

All my life I’ve chased after success, as I was encouraged to do …

What Happens When We Assume the Worst of People We Love

“Before you assume, learn. Before you judge, understand. Before you hurt, feel. Before you say, think.” ~Unknown

There we were on a Saturday afternoon doing such benign things as running errands at Costco, Trader Joes, and the post office. Excitement …

I Hear You: A Must-Read Book for Stronger, Happier Relationships

Have you ever felt like someone was listening to you but not really hearing you—or worse, not even fully listening?

Maybe they were more looking through you than at you, just kind of zoning out, all the while nodding, as …

Being Shy Made Me Strong, and It Can Do the Same for You

“Never assume that loud is strong and quiet is weak.” ~Unknown

This quote seems counterintuitive, right?

For many years, I, too, scoffed at the idea.

Having dealt with crippling shyness throughout my life, I know firsthand what it’s like to …

I Thought It Was Love, But It Was Actually Abuse

“Alone doesn’t always mean lonely. Relationship doesn’t always mean happy. Being alone will never cause as much loneliness as being in the wrong relationship.” ~Unknown

I don’t know if it’s the conditioning of Disney movies that makes every young girl …

How to Free Yourself from Your Spiritual Drama

“You have no friends. You have no enemies. You only have teachers.” ~Ancient Proverb

My very wise aunt, a talented psychotherapist and one of my spiritual teachers, has told me many times that the people, places, and things that trigger …

The Power of Saying No (Even to People You Love)

“When you say yes to others, make sure you are not saying no to yourself.” ~Paulo Coelho

“Yes, of course…”

“Yes, that’s no trouble at all…”

“Yes, I can do that…”

“Yes, I’d love to help…”

Yes, yes, yes. “Yes” …

Love Doesn’t Mean Being a Hero or Being Saved

Most of us grow up believing that one day a handsome prince or beautiful princess will come our way and lead us into a life of “happily ever after.” No one knows what’s going to happen, but we’re certain it …

Why I Now Complain Less and Appreciate More

 “It is not happy people who are thankful. It is thankful people who are happy.” ~Unknown

I used to be a complainer, a fault-finder, a grumbler. I would grumble a hundred times a day about mundane issues, be it the …

My Life Will Be My Message

“Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.” ~Gautama Buddha

I have meditated for over half my life. It didn’t always look …

How to Fight Well in Your Relationship

“Raise your words, not your voice. It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder.” ~Rumi

I had one of those really intense arguments with my partner recently, and it made me realize the importance of knowing how to fight well …