“Never feel sorry for choosing yourself.” ~Unknown
I was eleven years old, possibly twelve, the day I first discovered my mother’s betrayal. I assume she didn’t hear me when I walked in the door after school. The distant voices in the finished basement room of our home drew me in. My mother’s voice was soft as she spoke to her friend. What was she hiding that she didn’t want me to hear?
I leaned in a little bit closer to the opening of the stairs… She was talking about a man she’d met. Her voice changed when she spoke of …
“The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing.” ~Albert Einstein
“I don’t want to live anymore. I don’t want to be here. I can’t do this. It hurts too much. It’s too hard.”
I’m curious how many times I’ve heard these words over my lifetime. From different people, ages, genders, ethnicities, and walks of life. The words the same, the heaviness no different from one to the next. Hopelessness has a specific tone attached to it. Flat, low, and empty.
Being the child of a parent who committed suicide, there is a …
“You open your heart knowing there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible.” ~Bob Marley
A few months ago I was visited by my mother in a dream; my deceased mother who took her own life thirty years ago.
In my dream, I was sitting on the floor of my bedroom thinking about my teenage daughter, who is around the same age I was when my mother died. I felt like my daughter was in distress, and I wanted to help her.
“I imagine that Yes is the only living thing.” ~e.e. cummings
During the fall of 2017 I began openly dating, four years after my separation and divorce of a twenty-plus year relationship. It was scary. And I was clear—I didn’t want a commitment, I just wanted the experience and some fun.
My third round of online dating, I finally went out with some younger men who I assumed lined up with my non-commitment goal. It was different and fun, but also not quite what I wanted.
In December of that year, my friend, who was interested in getting to …
“Change will not come if we wait for some other person, or if we wait for some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.” ~Barack Obama
If someone said to you, “Hey, you know how you are feeling the need for change and you’re not sure what to do? Well, I can’t tell you what to do, but I can guarantee that if you follow where your heart leads you, you’ll create the possibility of more joy than you’ve ever felt before. All you have to do is walk through …
“There’s a bit of magic in everything and loss to even things out.” ~Lou Reed
Although I have spent years training myself to reverse my own anxiety, I have only left survival mode in the last couple of months, and am learning what that feels like and to be comfortable fully trusting that my children and I are taken care of.
I am at my goal of better than fine, but I’ve never been here before. And while I know my work is in the interim of where I’ll end up, I am learning to appreciate where I am in …
“When we can no longer change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” ~Viktor Frankl
Over the last two and a half years I have made some big changes in my life. And by big, I mean enormous.
First, I moved with my husband and our children from a home I loved for ten years. Shortly after, my husband and I ended a twenty-year relationship and marriage. With that separation, I made the decision to buy the house we had moved to, which on paper, I shouldn’t have been able to buy.
Apparently ending a long commitment and beginning …