Home→Forums→Emotional Mastery→Getting my energy back
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anita.
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August 23, 2026 at 5:36 pm #460563
annie7ParticipantMy entire life seems to have revolved around other people, in many ways. When I am alone, I often panic, and look for people, if only online, to talk to. Ironically I have lived alone for many years, but due to the lack of a family – mine had a TON of trauma I am not going to go into – I often feel really sad if I am alone. As if I am unseen, unheard, by anybody. Like I don’t even exist, in a way.
Ironically if I am around people for too long I start to feel resentful, or even mildly panicky, or worse, like they are siphoning off my energy. I have one online friend who takes forever to get off the phone, and likes to play therapist with me. She means well, but I feel resentful about it. Another person I talk to would be happy to sit silently on the phone with me forever, but I start to feel weird about it and like I just want my independence back. I do a tug of war between wanting to be alone and needing desperately to be around people. I don’t talk to either of these people every day and in fact my closest friend is now dying, which has set off a lot of suffering for me.
I tried to engage with an old teacher from college but he is an ex-academic and seems to have a mindset permanently stuck in that world. Very impressed with people’s accomplishments, and not well-versed in the suffering of people who have had truly awful lives. Which I include myself in – I’ve had some hardcore stuff. I found myself feeling resentful of him for his seemingly cushier ride in life, and he’s forever discussing (I’ve talked to him on and off, and seen his FB posts, although I’m off FB now) his nice trips and happy doings and amazing children. It sometimes feels performative and like he’s a bit on the covert narc side. Which is unfair of me, to label him, but I do anyway.
This post is perhaps not that cohesive, but I just want to be at peace with my emotions and loneliness, knowing that I carry a lot of inner pain that was not my fault. I have a hard time finding people I have much in common with, and do best on a writers board. However, they are just text related friendships, and nothing in real life. What I most need – a community, a sense of warmth and closeness – really eludes me. I look back on a life blown up by trauma, and see myself surrounded by the pieces. Whilst others seem to have been successful, and are not alone at all. Once my friend dies, I will be quite bereft.
August 23, 2026 at 8:49 pm #460567
anitaParticipantHello Annie:
You write so honestly, it’s refreshing for me to read.
I am sorry to read that your closest friend is dying 😔
“I do a tug of war between wanting to be alone and needing desperately to be around people”-
I could have written this myself. People, for me, meant Hope on one hand, and Threat, on the other.
Hope for “a sense of warmth and closeness” (your words), but I was scanning, looking for their faults, so to prepare myself for them hurting me, or just disappointing me.
Please let me know if this resonates and we can talk, just two humans, as peers (I wouldn’t want to play therapist with you 🙂).
🌿 Anita
August 24, 2026 at 12:53 am #460572
RobertaParticipantHello Annie
I am sorry that your closest friend is dying, it is the noblest & bravest thing anyone can do is to be there for them in this journey.
I know that where I live & the jobs I do, that I am extremely lucky as it helps me with that balancing act between being peopled out & gregariousness alone & lonely.
Your feelings are normal, they are part of our everyday rhythms, but most people do not fully acknowledge them, in extreme cases we run & hide in the world of drink drugs gambling gaming etc.
I would love to know what your tribe/s would be like.
One of my tribes is a knitting group, a couple meet up once a week, but the rest of us are solo knitters, but what makes us into a mini tribe is that we all are knitting strips that then get made up into blankets that goes to an aids orphanage in Africa we have made over five hundred of them. When I knit I chant silently little prayers & wishes for the recipients.
I look forward to hearing from you
Kind regards
RobertaAugust 24, 2026 at 4:52 am #460574
AlessaParticipantHi Annie
I love the picture of the cat! Reminds me of my old one. 🩵
I’m sorry to hear that you’ve had a lot of trauma and that your friend is dying. Losing loved ones is not easy. 🩵
I have a friend who is dying as well, and another who has cancer. All we can really do is try our best to support them in this difficult time because we care.
I hope you find someone who suits you to talk to. It’s not easy to trust people after dealing with a lot of trauma. 🩵
Pets help me a lot because I always feel safe with them. Even when they’re acting out. It’s funny isn’t it, how that can be so much harder with people?
You mentioned that you like writers boards. Do you like writing? What kind of things do you write? 🩵
August 24, 2026 at 5:17 am #460575annie7ParticipantHi Anita,
I would be happy to speak to you!
Annie
August 24, 2026 at 5:19 am #460576annie7ParticipantHi Roberta,
A knitting group sounds nice. I would like some sort of meal shared with people,
I think – something simple. I was involved in a Buddhist meditation group years ago,
but the founder died.August 24, 2026 at 5:20 am #460577annie7ParticipantHi Alessa
I write a lot of poetry. ATM I have little energy so my responses are brief.
It was so nice to read everyone’s responsesAugust 24, 2026 at 1:30 pm #460598anitaParticipantHi Annie 🙂
Truly, I am glad to read back from you!
I’m using my phone, scrolling up to re-read your original post and down, to quote what you said and the thoughts or feelings your words bring for me.
You wrote about your family, “mine had a LOT of trauma”- same with mine.
You wrote, “lack of family”- A lack of safety and predictability. This is what I grew up with (or more precisely, how I grew in, as in inward, isolated within and without).
“As if I’m unseen, unheard, by anyone, like I don’t even exist, in a way.”-
I never read anyone say something so true to the way I grew- inward.
“I just want to be at peace with my emotions”-
That’s huge for me. Part of a mantra I repeat every day is: “I radically accept my emotions.” meaning, I don’t judge myself for feeling whatever I’m feeling at any time. Nor do I judge anyone else for whatever they’re feeling.
Because in every emotion there’s a valid, positive message meant to help me and others (as an individual and a social being) to survive and even thrive. The message gets lost sometimes, that’s all.
I suppose harmful action is often based on the valid message getting lost in translation 😔
What do you think, Annie?
🤔 Anita
August 24, 2026 at 5:32 pm #460601
Thomas168ParticipantAnnie7 said, “Ironically if I am around people for too long I start to feel resentful, or even mildly panicky, or worse, like they are siphoning off my energy. I have one online friend who takes forever to get off the phone, and likes to play therapist with me. She means well, but I feel resentful about it. Another person I talk to would be happy to sit silently on the phone with me forever, but I start to feel weird about it and like I just want my independence back. I do a tug of war between wanting to be alone and needing desperately to be around people. I don’t talk to either of these people every day and in fact my closest friend is now dying, which has set off a lot of suffering for me.”
Wanting community but start to feel panicky or worse. Have online friends but feel resentful. Maybe just want her independence back. Tug of war between wanting to be alone and needing desperately to be around people. What does that say? Like the old joke, … Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. Adams says isn’t wonderful that we can live forever and never age. Have all we can eat. Just marveling at the blessings of God. Eve replies Yeah, it just isn’t enough. Can’t seem to find happiness???
I am sorry I brought this up. I do not mean to make light of the feelings you have. Just that it sounds to me that one is finding it hard to find happiness within one’s life. I wish you well and hope things get better.
August 24, 2026 at 8:33 pm #460606anitaParticipantThis reply has been reported for inappropriate content.
Thomas said: “I am sorry I brought this up”-
Well, why then did you submit the message where you brought it up, right after feeling sorry that you brought it up?
Thomas said: “I don’t mean to make light of the feelings you have.”-
If you didn’t mean to make light of Annie’s feelings, why did you make light of her feelings?
Annie shared that her family had “a TON of trauma”- she didn’t have a Garden of Eden kind of life.
🌿 Anita
August 24, 2026 at 10:41 pm #460610anitaParticipantHi again Annie 🙂
I’ve been thinking about what you shared, especially the part about feeling unseen and unheard, like you don’t exist. That’s such a painful place to be, and it takes a lot of courage to put it into words the way you did.
What you wrote about the tug‑of‑war — wanting people, then feeling panicky or resentful, then wanting independence again — that makes so much sense when someone grows up with “a LOT of trauma.” Your nervous system learned to protect you by pulling back, even when another part of you longs for connection. There’s nothing wrong with you for feeling both things at once.
I’m here, listening.
If you feel like sharing more about what that tug‑of‑war feels like inside you, I’d like to hear it.
🤔 Anita
August 25, 2026 at 1:20 am #460612RobertaParticipantDear Annie
I am sorry that your Buddhist meditation group ceased once the founder passed away. Did the group also give dharma instruction as well?
I found sitting with the Quakers* also scratched that itch to be contemplative in the company of others. I facilitate a small buddhist meditation group sometimes there is just me & other times there is about six of us & it too will probably fold when I die.
in our group practice I use Gil Fronsdal 7am guided meditation & talk on you tube for me in general it has the right balance regarding style time length & content.
* Some quaker meetings host lunch after worship bonus on the food front & you get to meet hopefully people who raise your & their energies rather than sapping it.
Going to do gardening therapy now.
Hope you have a good day
RobertaAugust 25, 2026 at 3:24 pm #460628Thomas168ParticipantAnita said, “Thomas said: “I am sorry I brought this up”-
Well, why then did you submit the message where you brought it up, right after feeling sorry that you brought it up?
Thomas said: “I don’t mean to make light of the feelings you have.”-
If you didn’t mean to make light of Annie’s feelings, why did you make light of her feelings?
Annie shared that her family had “a TON of trauma”- she didn’t have a Garden of Eden kind of life.
🌿 Anita”Truth unspoken remains hidden. I know how my posts sounds. So, I apologized.
But not one thing was a lie. So, not to speak would be to let the suffering to go on.
This is the second arrow. But, I am sorry. And let you be the judge.
Cause you obviously know more than me.
No sarcasm. Truth.
I will let you condemn me as you always have.August 25, 2026 at 4:55 pm #460629anitaParticipantThis reply has been reported for inappropriate content.
Thomas, I spoke because your reply to Annie was harmful. You compared her to Eve complaining in paradise, implied she was ungrateful, and suggested her suffering was her own fault. You ignored the trauma she shared, minimized her pain, and framed her emotional struggle as a character flaw. Responses like that can seriously hurt a vulnerable member. That’s the only part I’m addressing.
August 25, 2026 at 8:49 pm #460632AlessaParticipantHi Anita
It seems like you’re reading a lot into what Tommy said. A simple poor choice of metaphor comparing to paradise. But I don’t believe he had any bad intentions.
It seems like you’ve been critical of other members posts recently. That’s strange considering you don’t like people to criticise your own posts. 🤍
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