I Hope Beautiful Things Happen to You
The Agony of Anxious Attachment and How to Attract Better Relationships
“If you don’t love yourself, you’ll always be looking for someone else to fill the void inside you, but no one will ever be able to do it.” ~Lori Deschene
There are four attachment styles including anxious, avoidant, anxious/avoidant, and secure.
Attachment theory teaches us that the way in which we attach ourselves to our romantic partner mimics the relationship we had with our primary caregivers growing up.
So, if you were like me and had parents who were not physically or emotionally present, you grew up feeling a void within yourself and always worrying if you were lovable. Because …
When People Are Mean and Refuse to Admit It or Apologize
“Life becomes easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got.” ~Robert Brault
I’ve always tried to distance myself from people who are rude, overly aggressive, and mean. But sometimes we become tied to people who might not have our best interests at heart.
One summer I became involved with a coworker who was at a bad spot in his life. I thought I could help him through this tough time, but just like a swimmer drowning in a pool, he grabbed on and ended up drowning me when I reached out and tried to save him.
After …
If You Really Want to Change the World: 4 Ways to Be Kind
“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” ~Maya Angelou
I’ve now reached the age in my life when every so often, I get an email or text informing me that someone I know has died. Some of the people who have passed away have been former supervisors or teachers from high school. Others have been the parents of friends or elderly members of my church.
At one time, the news that someone had died was shocking to me. Now it’s nearly a …
How I’ve Redefined Success Since ‘Failing’ by Traditional Standards
“Once you choose hope, anything is possible.” ~Christopher Reeve
When I was a child, I wanted to save the world. My mom found me crying in my bedroom one day. She asked what was wrong, and I said, “I haven’t done anything yet!” I couldn’t wait to grow up so I could try to make a difference.
At fourteen, I joined a youth group that supported adults with disabilities. We hosted dances and ran a buddy program. I helped with projects at state institutions and left saddened by the conditions for the residents. I planned to work at a state …
Why Trauma Doesn’t Always Make Us Stronger (and What Does)
“Literally every person is messed up, so pick your favorite train wreck and roll with it.” ~Hannah Marbach
You’ve probably heard this before: “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” A beautiful saying, based on what Nietzsche wrote in one of his books (Twilight of the Idols). It always makes me feel like life can’t go anywhere but up. Forward and up.
According to Nietzsche, suffering can be taken as an opportunity to build strength. No matter the pain, sickness, or trauma you experience, you will come out stronger for it—as long as you take the …
What Most People Get Wrong About Singles and 6 Messages You Might Need
“In a world that treats a forty-one-year-old single woman like a teenager who didn’t get asked to prom, I think it’s extremely important to recognize the unique wisdom of a solitary life—a wisdom that develops slowly over many years, that is fundamentally different from that of, say, the person who was between boyfriends for a year when she was twenty-six.” ~Sara Eckel
I was twenty-three and had just told a woman I was casually dating that I’d never been in a long-term committed relationship.
Her response was this: “Wow, really? I mean, you’re attractive, so why haven’t you?”
Having spent …
A Gentle Reminder to Anyone Who’s Struggling This Holiday Season
“It’s okay to want to be alone. It’s okay to take time for yourself.” ~Kate Allan
It’s the holiday season, the most wonderful time of the year, they say, but it’s not for all of us. For those of us coping with the loss of a loved one, family estrangement, loneliness, financial difficulties, or health struggles, the holidays can be one of the hardest times of the year.
For some of us the holidays can feel as if we have been cast out in the cold. As if we are forced to look through a window of a happy, …
How I Knew It Was Emotional Abuse: The Subtle Signs I Almost Missed
“I hope you find love, but more importantly, I hope you’re strong enough to walk away from what love isn’t.” ~Tiffany Tomiko
A few weeks after breaking up from what I thought was a loving relationship that in reality was sliding into an emotionally abusive one, I had a dream.
In it, I was hiding from a group of dangerous people, but could see the footsteps of one of them coming toward me. Suddenly they saw me, and I pleaded to them, “Please, don’t kill me,” and they turned and left. When I emerged, I could see the victims all …
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