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Posts tagged with “acceptance”

How to Coexist with Fear (and Spiders)

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“If you are willing to look at another person’s behavior toward you as a reflection of their relationship with themselves rather than a statement about your value as a person, then you will, over time, cease to react at all.” ~Yogi Bhajan

Several years ago, I hiked into the remote forestlands of Bukidnon, a mountainous province in the southern Philippines. I was there to make a documentary about the Pulangiyēn people, an Indigenous community living in the village of Bendum. No roads led there. No running water. Just a winding trail upwards, a slow-moving carabao pulling my camera gear, and …

Trichotillomania to Triumph: How I Found Acceptance and Freedom

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“Your either like me or you don’t. It took me twenty-something years to learn how to love myself. I don’t have that kinda time to convince somebody else.” ~Daniel Franzese

Everyone has a bad habit or two, right? Whether it’s a major vice or a minor annoyance, we all feel the discomfort of at least some behaviors we would rather not have.

You know, like nail biting, hair twirling, procrastination, having a car that doubles as a convenient trash receptacle…

I’ve been guilty of all the above at one point or another in my life, but the one that has …

How Grieving a Dream’s Loss Built Hope for a New Life

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“Our painful experiences aren’t a liability—they’re a gift. They give us perspective and meaning, an opportunity to find our unique purpose and our strength.” –Dr. Edith Eger, The Choice: Embrace the Possible

The loss of an unrealized dream sent me spiraling down, down into the darkness. A darkness filled with a despair and hopelessness that I had not known before.

It was safer and more comfortable for me to attribute all my grief to losing a loving mother-in-law suddenly in the beginning of 2023. Her abrupt absence not only in my life but also in my husband’s and daughter’s lives …

How to Deal with Worries

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“A lot of what weighs you down isn’t yours to carry.” ~Unknown

What are you worried about right now? No matter how hard we try to not worry, and even when we know that stress is terrible for our health, worry inevitably seeps into our boundaries for one reason or another. Chronic stress causes wear and tear on our bodies, potentially leading to a number of health ailments.

This terrifies me as a person with many stress points in her life, and as a widowed only parent of three young children. I want to live a long, healthy life so …

Breaking Free from the Shadow of a Narcissistic Parent

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“One of the greatest awakenings comes when you realize that not everybody changes. Some people never change. And that’s their journey. It’s not yours to try to fix for them.” ~Unknown

In the journey of life, we often encounter pivotal moments that force us to confront harsh truths about ourselves and the world around us. For me, one of these moments came with the profound realization that not everybody changes, especially not those who wield the toxic traits of narcissism.

Raised by a father whose larger-than-life persona concealed a darker reality, I embarked on a journey of self-discovery marked by …

How to Make Shame Your Ally

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“Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.” ~Brené Brown

I was walking to my office one day when one of my colleagues gave me a compliment about what I was wearing. I was a little surprised and, without thinking, said something disparaging about my dress and darted off into my office.

As I sat down, I noticed an intense wave of discomfort all over my body, and dark churning thoughts started attacking me.

What is wrong with me? I asked myself. Why did I say such a …

Why I’m Now Welcoming My Anxiety with Open Arms

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“You are not your feelings. You just experience them. Anger, sadness, hate, depression, fear. This is the rain you walk in. But you don’t become the rain. You know the rain will pass. You walk on. And you remember the soft glow of the sun that will come again.” ~Matt Haig

I have been anxious for as long as I can remember.

All of my earliest memories are ones where I was worrying or fearful for one reason or another.

Thinking back, the first memory I have that is akin to that of an actual anxiety disorder, meaning that the …

The Closure in Accepting That They May Never Change

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“One of the hardest things I’ve had to understand is that closure comes from within. Especially difficult if you’ve been betrayed by someone you love because you feel like you gotta let them know the pain they caused, but the peace you seek can only be given to you by you.” ~Bruna Nessif

Many years ago, I wrote a very personal post for Tiny Buddha titled Get Past It Instead of Getting Even: Revenge Isn’t Winning.

The post described the challenges I experienced with my parents as an adult and, ultimately, my decision to cease all relations with them.

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Be the Person Who Breaks the Cycle

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Radical Acceptance Means…

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The Relationship You Always Wanted

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How I Went from Approval Seeking to Authentic Living

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“My life transformed when I stopped caring what people in the stands thought.” ~Brené Brown

One afternoon, I had coffee with a friend who told me that she and her family all have a garden campfire every Friday night and toast marshmallows. It sounded so rustically idyllic compared to our normal frozen pizza and movie tradition that I asked my husband if we could do the same that evening.

He sat down to pick up the remote control and casually replied that he was too tired to build a fire, then thought nothing more of it. But I felt devastated …

Being Grateful for the Peaceful Coexistence of Joy and Pain

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“It’s a gift to exist, and with existence comes suffering. There’s no escaping that, but if you are grateful for your life, then you must be grateful for all of it.” ~Stephen Colbert

Life is not a war; you do not conquer it, nor do you overcome it. You simply accept that suffering is an inevitable and necessary rite of passage on our paths throughout life.

No one is immune to pain; it is only dished out at different levels, and our own internal experience is incomparable. We share similar human experiences—that is the tie that binds us all together—but …

Sometimes Reality Hurts

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How I Stopped Worrying About What Others Think of Me

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“Live your life for you not for anyone else. Don’t let the fear of being judged, rejected or disliked stop you from being yourself.” ~Sonya Parker

On August 4, 2022, I buzzed off my long, thick, luscious hair.

I marched up Sandy Boulevard in Portland, Oregon, walked into Take Pride Barbershop, and sat in the chair with the most badass barber. She quelled my last-minute fears and boldly took the clippers to my never-shorter-than-shoulder-length hair.

It was instant liberation.

I had finally worked up the courage to do so after four years of internal debate and worry, which went something …

How Pain Can Be a Teacher and Why We Need to Stop Avoiding It

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“The strongest hearts have the most scars.” ~Unknown

I always hated pain when growing up. For as long as I can remember I tried to avoid it. Physical pain was uncomfortable, but emotional pain was the real torture. It was sometimes easier to have a fight and stop communicating than to have a challenging conversation.

Disconnecting emotionally and withdrawing from painful experiences was my de facto subconscious strategy. I still pursued goals and succeeded, but this didn’t feel painful to me because I used my passion and bravado to drive through the long hours and grueling work.

If I wasn’t …

How I’ve Stopped Letting My Unhealed Parents Define My Worth

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“Detachment is not about refusing to feel or not caring or turning away from those you love. Detachment is profoundly honest, grounded firmly in the truth of what is.” ~Sharon Salzberg

A few months ago, my father informed me that he’d been diagnosed with prostate cancer. Although he seemed optimistic about the treatment, I knew that hearing such news was not easy.

After a few weeks, I followed up with him. He ignored my message and went silent for a couple of months. Although his slight ghosting was common, it made me feel ignored and dismissed.

In the meantime, I …

How I Learned to Let Go of Attachment to Things I Want

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“The happiness we seek cannot be found through grasping, trying to hold on to things. It cannot be found through getting serious and uptight about wanting things to go in the direction we think will bring happiness.” ~Pema Chodron

When I was a kid, my parents used to take me and my younger brother  fishing during the summer with some family friends. Sitting in the backseat of the car as we drove through the countryside, I had no worries about the future. It was a time of innocence.

On this particular trip, which stands out in my memory, I would …

How I’ve Navigated My Grief and Guilt Since Losing My Narcissistic Father

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“One of the greatest awakenings comes when you realize that not everybody changes.  Some people never change.  And that’s their journey.  It’s not yours to try and fix it for them.” ~Unknown

In 2021 my father died. Cancer of… so many things.

Most of the events during that time are a blur, but the emotions that came with them are vivid and unrelenting.

I was the first in my family to find out.

My mother and sister had gone on an off-grid week-long getaway up the West Coast of South Africa, where there’s nothing …

3 Life-Changing Insights for Control Freaks (Lessons from an Ant Infestation)

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“Freedom is what you do with what’s been done to you.”  ~Jean-Paul Sartre

“So did you figure out what your shadow totem is?”

This was the first thing out of my husband’s friend’s mouth as I sat down to dinner at a local downtown restaurant, across from my husband and a couple friends we were meeting up with.

I laughed at the choice of question but then paused with wide eyes and replied, “YES, I DID! Oh my gosh. It’s an ant!”

The backstory is that we had previously had a conversation about animal symbolism, and how figuring out …