Posts tagged with “angry”
Why Anger Isn’t “Bad” and How I Learned to Hear Its Hidden Message
“Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But anger is like fire. It burns it all clean.” ~Maya Angelou
I’ve always had a complex relationship with anger.
When I was young, I used to think I was somehow above anger. I would brag to people that I never got mad. Sure, I’d admit, I hated some people, but at least I wasn’t angry.
When I began therapy in my mid-twenties to deal with persistent depression and panic attacks, I started to see the feebleness of that particular story. I did get angry, it turned out, quite …
40 Ways to Create Peace of Mind
“Set peace of mind as your highest goal, and organize your life around it.” ~Brian Tracy
There was a time when I thought peace was a destination, in much the same way I imagined I’d eventually arrive at happiness or success.
It seemed like something I needed to chase or find—definitely not something I could experience without dramatically changing my life.
I needed to work less, relax more, and generally revamp my circumstances and relationships in order to be a peaceful person.
Despite seeing peace as an endpoint, I also saw it as something passive; after all, that’s why …
Why I Believe That Feeling Offended Is a Choice
“The feeling of being ‘offended’ is a warning indicator that is showing you where to look within yourself for unresolved issues.” ~Bryant McGill
As I ponder back over my forty-odd years on this planet, I can’t really remember going lengths of time without feeling offended. By someone’s words, or actions. It was simply my default reaction.
Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t enjoy it. Feeling offended never feels good. Ever. There’s always a sting. Which is probably why the (many) “feeling offended” memories are so prominent. And clear.
Some of them were simple and relatively unimportant.
Like the time I …
Your Anger is a Guide: Embrace It and Set Yourself Free
“Where there is anger there is always pain underneath.” ~Eckhart Tolle
In the sixth year of marriage, my husband shocked me by telling me that he had decided on an open marriage. This would give him permission to do what he was already doing, having an affair.
In one of my rare times of anger I argued and struggled with him. I can still see myself hitting him in the chest as he tried to put his arms around me to reassure me of his love.
As he defended his position, he reminded me that I wasn’t being rational. I …
How to Forgive When You Don’t Think You Can
“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.” ~Steve Maraboli
Have you ever had a relationship, friendship, or marriage that ended so badly it took years, a decade, or even longer to heal? Have you ever wished you could forgive someone but just didn’t think it was possible?
Fifteen years ago I was twenty-six and in a relationship with a man that was destructive. After an intense romance in his home country, I made the poor decision that he should …
You Have the Right to Feel Safe in Your Relationships (Even with Your Family)
“Anger is a signal, and one worth listening to[…] It exists for a reason and always deserves our respect and attention.” ~Harriet G. Lerner, The Dance of Anger
My journey to authentic safety began, at long last, with my discovery of my own anger.
Anger is my least favorite emotion. I don’t even particularly like its cousins—annoyance, irritation, frustration.
The moment that cemented my profound dislike occurred when I was a teenager.
I had tucked myself away in a corner of the house—in the dark den where my family kept the computer. (Just a word processor—this was in the dark …
How We Avoid Our Feelings and How Embracing Them Sets Us Free
“We numb our minds and heart so one need not be broken and the other need not be bothered.” ~Peggy Haymes
Feelings are important, no doubt about it. They communicate all sorts of information to us. I don’t know about you, but I’ve preferred to ignore some of that information. Raise your hand if you would much rather feel the good feelings and just jump right over the not so good ones.
Okay, so it’s unanimous. We all prefer the good, happy feelings. I expect we are all experts at finding ways to avoid the uncomfortable ones. But …
Does Your Partner Often Get Angry and Shut Down Emotionally?
“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” ~Carl Jung
Three years ago I was on top of the world after realizing I had fallen in love with my best friend. Relationships this rare are beautiful, until one vital piece of them breaks down: clear communication.
Although I didn’t know it at the time, when my ex and I came together as a couple, rather than being in love, we were both just mirroring each other’s deep unconscious pain; his mother had walked out on him at a young age, and …
What Creates Abusive People and How to Release Your Anger
“The biggest problem for humanity, not only on a global level, but even for individuals, is misunderstanding.” ~Rinpoche
Through the course of the relationship he was dishonest, emotionally manipulative, and unkind. It was subtle at first—do we really sign up for this on the dating application? But the acts wound their way through like a slow vine that eventually kills a tree. When it ended, he handled it atrociously.
It took me many months to process it all, facing things I had suppressed in denial. When the shock wore off, I had a desire to let him know how he …
We All Have Bad Days and All Need a Little Kindness
”Be kind to unkind people. They need it the most.” ~Unknown
A couple weeks back I had what Alexander would call a no good, terrible, very bad day.
I’d slept poorly the night before—possibly because I had caffeine, which I usually avoid, somewhat late in the day, and possibly because I have a toddler-sized bladder that doesn’t seem to understand or care about REM cycles.
In addition to being physically exhausted, I was feeling emotionally spent. I’d been dealing with a high level of uncertainty, as my boyfriend and I were preparing to move yet again, after months of discussion …
5 Tips to Help You Stop Being a People Pleaser
“One of the most freeing things we learn in life is that we don’t have to like everyone, everyone doesn’t have to like us, and it’s perfectly okay.” ~Unknown
I have a confession to make: I am a recovering people pleaser.
If I had a dollar for every time I did something that I didn’t want to do because I didn’t want people to be angry or disappointed if I said no, I would be a rich woman.
I say that I am recovering because, as with any ingrained pattern, sometimes I slip back into the tendency to put other …
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 