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Posts tagged with “comparing”

Why I Stopped Measuring My Pain Against Others’ Suffering

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“A history of trauma can give you a high tolerance for emotional pain. But just because you can take it doesn’t mean you have to.” ~Dr. Thema

I just returned from a walk with a dear friend—one of my favorite ways to catch up and socialize. This particular friend has endured significant challenges, especially over the past year. She faced the immense loss of her pets and many of her possessions in a devastating house fire.

The ensuing tsunami of grief and pain pushed her through a tumultuous year filled with deep suffering and intense healing efforts. All the while, …

The Breakthrough That Helped Me Stop Comparing Myself to Others

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“Comparison is the thief of joy.” ~Theodore Roosevelt

In March 2020, the UK went into its first Covid lockdown, and the country was swept with anxiety and sadness. When would we see our loved ones again? Would our health be okay? Was my job safe? And more pressingly, how the heck was I expected to teach my kids?

Along with everyone else, I first received the news with a sense of impending doom and tried to make the best of a bizarre situation. “Normal life” consisted of stressful home schooling, online working, mask wearing, and (in the UK at least) …

5 Things I Let Go When I Was Tired of Playing the Victim

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“Placing the blame or judgment on someone else leaves you powerless to change your experience; taking responsibility for your beliefs and judgment gives you the power to change them.” ~ Byron Katie

I will never forget the day a dear friend of mine told me I sounded like a victim. I can recall I was outraged with a guy who didn’t fulfill my needs and my expectations in love. In other words, he broke up with me, refusing to fill up my cup with the precious things I didn’t know how to give myself: appreciation, self-care, and self-respect.

“How …

What to Do When You Feel Stuck, Stagnant, and Bored with Your Life

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“Sometimes when things are falling apart they may actually be falling into place.” ~L.J. Vanier

Earlier last year, I felt like I finally had it all. Good education? Check. Respectable corporate job? Check. Decent salary? Check. Fancy car? Check. Charming, funny, and handsome boyfriend? Check. Stylish apartment? Check.

I should’ve been happy. So why didn’t I feel like I was? My life looked perfect on paper. So why did it still feel so empty? I’d done everything I thought I was supposed to. So why did I feel like a fraud? I had everything I’d ever …

5 Things to Stop Doing When You’re Struggling and Feeling Drained

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“There is nothing in nature that blooms all year long, so don’t expect yourself to do so either.” ~Unknown

Recently I’ve been spread incredibly thin, and, at times, I’ve felt stressed to the max.

In addition to being at the tail end of a high-risk pregnancy, with complications, I’ve been working toward various new projects—not just for fulfillment but also because I’ve allowed the business side of running this site to slide for years. And I have a baby coming soon. It’s crucial that I revive what I’ve allowed to deflate because I’ll have a whole new life to …

Everyone Has Their Own Unique Journey

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How to Overcome Envy So It Doesn’t Poison Your Relationships

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“Enjoy your own life without comparing it with that of another.” ~Marquis de Condorc

I struggled to offer a tight smile to a friend who had achieved a life-changing career break.

Although I was thrilled and excited for my friend, I was sad and disappointed in myself. I, too, had worked hard and waited patiently, but unlike my friend, my work and my wait continued, unacknowledged and unrewarded.

At first I didn’t notice I had been bitten by envy. But its invisible poison infected my bloodstream, polluting my future interactions with my friend. I was guarded, afraid of being hurt …

Every Day Can Be A Starting Point: Make a New Beginning

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“Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.” ~Carl Bard

Birthdays. They’re supposed to be a joyous celebration, right?

That one special day each year when we throw a party and reflect on the day our amazing journey began.

The starting point.

I’ve had quite a colorful journey and certainly enjoyed many wonderful birthdays in my life.

Turning 50 this past year wasn’t one of them. Here’s why.

When we’re little every birthday marks a major accomplishment. We learn to walk. Then we learn to …

Creative Types: How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

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“Just as much as we see in others, we have in ourselves.” ~William Hazlitt

Most days I am a dedicated writer and artist, focused and working away with my oh-so-happy hands.

Most days I feel inspired to share adventures and insights from living in Paris for over two years while going to graduate school. Or referencing the intense spiritual work and personal growth I’ve experienced in recent years. Or describing how I quit the unfulfilling rat-race to focus on my passion and my life dreams.

Most days I have confidence and pride in my personal creations and feel pretty darn …

7 Things That Influence Happiness That You Don’t Need to Have

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“Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.” ~Unknown

When someone asks, “Are you happy?” we tend to look around at our peers and see how they are living.

If we’re better off than our peers, it’s likely that we decide to be happy. Therefore, one of the tricks of being happy is to change the group we compare ourselves to.

Silicon Valley gossip columns enjoy pointing out that Oracle’s software titan Larry Ellison, whose $40 billion net worth makes him one of the top ten richest people in …

3 Steps to Stop Making Comparisons and Start Valuing Yourself

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“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” ~E.E. Cummings

It seems like everywhere I look, I don’t measure up.

I was giving a presentation recently and noticed that several people seemed bored or distracted.  I looked around the room to gauge my audience’s response to something I said and found myself thinking, “Am I good enough?  Am I providing what this group needs?”

Suddenly, I felt sure that another, more talented presenter would have done a better job.

Later, with a friend, casually flipping through old photos, we both lamented that we were younger and …

Stop Comparing Yourself to Others: An Alternative to Competing with People

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“Why compare yourself with others? No one in the entire world can do a better job of being you than you.” ~Unknown

We all do it or have done it at some point in our lives: We compare ourselves to others and gauge where we are based on what we observe them to be doing.

If this was simply an observation, that would be one thing. But in comparing ourselves to others, we often end up judging ourselves. There’s no one worse to judge!

If you have ever noticed, it doesn’t matter how many people are on your side, cheering …