Posts tagged with “Help”
Why Walking Away Is Sometimes the Most Compassionate Choice
“Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It’s a relationship between equals.” ~Pema Chodron
In May 2012, I was appointed guardian and conservator of my father, and my brother was appointed co-guardian. Our father was declared mentally incompetent by the county court.
My father was, and is, an alcoholic. When I was growing up, he was an abusive alcoholic. He gave out wounds like gifts. He used words to cut us open, and then he threatened us with salt.
I lived in hypervigilance, and I learned that being alone, quiet, and invisible was the safest state …
You’re Not Bad; You’re Crying Out for Help
“A kind gesture can reach a wound that only compassion can heal.” ~Steve Maraboli
My fourth grade teacher was named Mrs. King, and she was a no-nonsense, fairly stern presence who enforced the rules and kept us kids in line. I was a timid kid who wouldn’t have dared to break rules anyway, and I assumed that Mrs. King didn’t like any of us, especially not me.
The only time we left Mrs. King’s classroom was to have our hour a week of “Music,” which meant trouping off to a downstairs room that contained a piano and a slightly manic …
5 Things That Make Summer Awesome (And a Great Cause)
Summertime is awesome, just like the adorable Kid President says, but not for everyone. More than twenty-one million kids receive free or reduced-price lunch when they’re in school. During the summer, the vast majority of them have no or limited access to food.
Soul Pancake teamed up with ConAgra Foods to raise awareness for child hunger. For every view, like, or share of this cute little video, they’ll donate the equivalent of one meal to Feeding America.
To learn about more ways to fight hunger in your own community, visit ChildHungerEndsHere.com.
Why It’s Okay to Be Self-Centered Sometimes
“We cannot live only for ourselves. A thousand fibers connect us with our fellow men.” ~Herman Melville
I grew up with a faith that encouraged personal sacrifice for others. Putting myself before others or desiring what they lacked was sinful. So there I was, during my teenage years, trying to be a saint, completely unselfish when thinking or interacting with others.
I must admit that I was always in the equation.
If I gave advice to others, I did it for them but also for the good feeling of improving their lives. If I helped someone else solve their math …
3 Ways to Be Kind and Make Someone’s Day
“The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the grandest intention.” ~Oscar Wilde
It’s the small, everyday things that can make or break a day for us.
While we celebrate the role models who inspire thousands (in person or on Facebook!), for most of us everyday moments—a stranger jostling us in the shops, a driver cutting us up at a light, someone pushing in front of us in line at the post office—can upset us out of all proportion.
But the flip side is that we can also be disproportionately pleased by the small actions of a stranger.
On …
Hang Up the Superhero Cape: We Don’t Have to Do It All Alone
“When we can no longer change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” ~Viktor Frankl
In the spring of 2008 when my son was only seven months old, I received a text message from his stay-at-home dad while I was at work. The text read, “He’s in the crib.” I did not respond because those five words said everything I needed to know.
My son’s father had left us, and worse, he had left my son alone in his crib. I was at work fifteen miles away.
Adrenaline is an interesting thing. I don’t remember many details about that …
Encourage, Don’t Criticize; Help Instead of Trying to Fix
“You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.” ~Thich Nhat Hahn
When you think you’re an evolved and conscious woman and your partner tells you in no unclear terms that you’re “hard to be with,” it does a number on you.
Those words landed like a well-aimed boulder, smashing the immaculate vision I’d created of evolving myself: an exemplary girlfriend who was “doing the work” to grow, to become generously loving, spiritually awake, and to wholeheartedly support and encourage her beautiful partner to open to his fullest potential.
We met under messy circumstances. Both …
You Can Make a Difference: Just Open Your Eyes
“Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does.” ~William James
My mind wasn’t able to percieve the reality around me. It had been ten days since I’d woken up with a feeling of constant energy flowing through my whole body.
It was so intense that I didn’t want to let it go. But I wasn’t ready for it. It was way too much for my unprepared body and mind. I didn’t even know what it was back then.
Everything had happened so fast. I was on the way to Chicago with my friends after seeming to check …
Change Your Life by Turning Shame into Courage
“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it.” ~Nelson Mandela
Shame. A word that conjures up all kinds of emotions while equally keeping you silent.
Some have even said that shame should be classified as a deadly disease because of how it deeply affects the soul.
Then, there are researchers like Brené Brown who study it.
It wasn’t until I started working with my first speaking coach that I realized it was actually shame that had kept me “hiding out” and playing small earlier in life.
Which is typical of women who have …
Your Loving Presence Is Enough: Helping Someone Who’s Hurting
“Wisdom is nothing more than healed pain.” ~Robert Gary Lee
As the only child of a single parent, my family of two was small and our relationship could be intense.
My southern belle mom, with her stories and easy laugh, her quick wit, and her love of all things literary was the mom who all my high school friends adored and loved—the one who my teenage friends could talk to when they were too angry or irritated with their own mother.
I loved her too, but I also worried about her. A lot. Because I knew a secret about her …
Why It’s Not Selfish to Ask Someone You Love for Help
“Learn to appreciate what you have before time makes you appreciate what you had.” ~Unknown
I’m a woman in midlife who thought she was set after a long successful career and the promise of financial security. I supported my own way through most of my life, fending for myself and then my two children, even during a 15-year marriage that ended badly and another that never really began.
For a number of reasons my plans for an early and secure retirement ended a few years ago. The long story is for another time; the short story is health, burnout, spiritual …
Emotionally Overloaded: Are You Taking on Too Much of Other People’s Pain?
“All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.” ~Havelock Ellis
I would have done anything for my friends, until one of them nearly broke my heart and spirit. He was my best friend. We felt like platonic soul mates.
We had a standing lunch date every week, called each other terms of endearment, cried together, laughed together—the standard best friend things.
Then, tragedy struck him. Over and over.
His long-time partner left him. Then he lost his executive-level job. Next, he had a string of major medical issues that put him in …
Why Empathy Can Sometimes Help More Than Advice
“I have just three things to teach simplicity patience compassion these three are your greatest treasures.” ~Lao Tzu
I have two teenagers. Anyone with children knows these years can bring their challenges. One minute they behave like a four year old and the next they are as mature as an adult. These fluctuations can pose difficult times.
One day, after a particularly emotional and tough interaction with my son, I called my mother for advice. She had by all accounts raised three successful sons.
After a long and detailed discussion of what had happened, she said, “Oh honey, I’m so …
What Seems Obvious to You Could Help Someone Else
“We are not what we know but what we are willing to learn.” ~Mary Catherine Bateson
Despite being a professional blogger, I am not particularly adept at technology.
I don’t have a data plan on my phone. I don’t have an iTunes account. I have no idea how people do that thing where they connect their computer to the TV. What is this witchery?!
But because of my age and my profession, people frequently assume that I’m a computer genius. They are sadly mistaken. One day, my significantly-more-tech-savvy BFF was looking over my shoulder as I checked email. She …
The Dangers of Staying Quiet: Learning to Ask For Help
“The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.” ~Elbert Hubbard
My right leg lay twisted, broken and disconnected. As I regained awareness, I could hear a primal scream.
It took a while to register that it was coming from me.
At the time, I was supposedly living my dream, but in truth I was drowning in my loneliness. So I had stood almost directly behind a horse I knew was prone to kicking and pulled her tail.
She wasn’t malicious; if she was, I would be dead now, as I had …
Tragedy Can Help Us Find Our Life’s Purpose
“Sometimes in tragedy we find our life’s purpose. The eye sheds a tear to find its focus.” ~Robert Brault
Just over two decades ago, I happened to be planted in the Midwest. Chicago. The southside to be exact. A location once recognized as a haven for successful black people handling their business while their kids frolicked throughout the streets, making up secret handshakes, basking in the sun and enjoying their youth.
And then, as the years progressed, things began to change; our haven was becoming less safe.
As if a nebulous cloud began to form over our neighborhood with a …
You Have the Power to Change Someone’s Day for the Better
“It is one of the most beautiful compensations of life that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
It’s a feeling of dread. Maybe you’ve experienced it before.
You’re driving down the highway and suddenly something goes wrong. You’re stepping on the gas pedal but nothing is happening.
All the little lights on the dashboard come on and you notice one particular gauge you’ve been meaning to address sooner.
The needle is just past the E. You’re out of gas.
It’s a helpless feeling. Desperation flashes through your mind as the wheels begin …
Helping Others Helps Us All: We’re All in This Together
“Pain is not a sign of weakness, but bearing it alone is a choice to grow weak.” ~Lori Deschene
I, like many of you I’m guessing, am a wanderer. A student of the soul. At times it can be a bewildering path. Most days I give thanks for the adventure. Many others I wish for clarity and certainty.
But though I am a wanderer, I am not aimless: I have a path as deep and true as any other. I simply have no map to guide me, only my intuition, and the myriad teachers that cross my …
10 Simple Ways to Make the World a Better Place
“As one person I cannot change the world, but I can change the world of one person.” ~Paul Shane Spear
I have always wanted to change the world.
I remember being four years old, sitting glued to the television on Sunday mornings, not watching cartoons, but utterly captivated by World Vision. I cried about the injustices in the world, and begged my mother to let me sponsor Maria, the girl with the large, sad eyes who was around my age.
My mom patiently tried to explain to me that we couldn’t afford to send her money. I couldn’t understand, …
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