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Posts tagged with “no”

The Silent Struggle: When Saying “No” Is Not That Simple

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“The first step toward change is awareness. The second step is acceptance.” ~Nathaniel Branden

I vividly recall a morning when my son was just five years old. My husband wanted to leave the country we were living in again, this time to escape what he believed was the imminent collapse of society due to COVID.

After years of constant relocations, I had finally started to build a community of friends, my son was settled in school, and I was beginning to feel some sense of normalcy. But he couldn’t stand it. My growing independence seemed to threaten him, and I …

For the First Time in a Long Time, She Says Yes to Herself

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“You owe yourself one hour a day of self-maintenance. It can include reading, writing, yoga, exercise, dancing, meditation, painting, or whatever, but you owe it to yourself. One hour, 1/24 of your day. That is less than 5%. It matters, it really does. Make it count.” ~Sarah Brassard

The alarm rings at 5:45 a.m. She’s been awake for half an hour already, her mind running through everything she has to get done. Her son’s project is due today, her daughter has a well-visit appointment, and her inbox is bursting with urgent requests from work. She’s exhausted, but there’s no time …

The Ultimate Guide to Better Boundaries

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“Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.” ~Prentis Hemphill

I was talking with a friend about some aspect of a challenging relationship (I don’t even remember what it was now), and she lovingly informed me that I needed better boundaries. I nodded in understanding, but later I realized that I didn’t really know what that meant. Like, what do better boundaries actually look like? And how does one go about developing them?

It’s all fine and dandy to know that “No” is a complete sentence, but how does that apply to a …

How to Start Saying No When You’re Afraid of Disapproval

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“Sometimes what you’re most afraid of doing is the very thing that will set you free.” ~Robert Tew

When I say that my need for people to like me has been one of the hidden rulers of my life, I’m not kidding!

Ever since I was a kid, I wanted everyone to like me, and I had significant anxiety if they didn’t. My fear of the disapproval of others quietly lurked beneath the surface like a shadow under my skin, dictating my behavior and my mood.

I was so afraid of the disapproval of others that I would ruminate over …

A People-Pleaser’s Guide to Reclaiming Your Life: 6 Ways to Say No

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“Self-love, self-respect, self-worth: There’s a reason they all start with ‘self.’ You can’t find them in anyone else.” ~Unknown

Have you ever found yourself stuck in the “yes” trap, even when your gut screamed “no”?

I have.

We people-pleasers struggle with boundary crushers, and there are a lot of them out there continuously knocking over the barriers we put up!

But here is a secret I have learned: I’m allowed to say “no” without drowning in guilt. In fact, it’s a vital part of my self-care journey to give myself permission to freely say “no.”

Empowerment of “NO”

Saying “no” …

The Power of Saying No (Even to People You Love)

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“When you say yes to others, make sure you are not saying no to yourself.” ~Paulo Coelho

“Yes, of course.”

“Yes, that’s no trouble at all.”

“Yes, I can do that.”

“Yes, I’d love to help.”

Yes, yes, yes. “Yes” seemed to be the key word in my relationships with partners, family, friends, and colleagues.

I wanted to be helpful, kind, and thoughtful; I wanted to be there when people needed me. I didn’t want to let them down or disappoint or displease them. I spent a lot of my time devoted to my self-image as a capable, nice …

The Art of Saying No: Lessons from a Caregiver

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“When you say yes to others, make sure you are not saying no to yourself.” ~Paulo Coelho

There it is again. Another person asks me for help. There’s a sharp pull inside of me to stop what I am doing and give.

And the internal struggle comes up.

I should just say yes and help them. What’s it take to write out a few text lines? An extra phone call? It’s not so bad, I tell myself. You are, after all, a caregiver.

My internal voice is so strong. It has been with me for a long time, this …

How I Healed My FOMO and Started Saying No

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“When you say ‘yes’ to others, make sure you are not saying ‘no’ to yourself.” ~Paulo Coelho

My sister-in-law returned to Montreal after spending three months in Portugal. She told me that the biggest adjustment to being back was spending twenty minutes in the pharmacy aisle deciding which shampoo brand to get because the options were endless. She missed life in Portugal, where she only had one brand to choose from.

Ah, the paradox of choice.

I am a recovering indecisive person. I used to stand in line at restaurant counters, telling people to go ahead of me with their …

3 Free, Life-Changing Events to Check Out in January

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As the New Year approaches, many of us are making lists of ways we can improve our lives and better ourselves.

If you’re looking to transform your body, calm your mind, or push yourself outside your comfort zone, you may benefit from participating in one of these three free events from Tiny Buddha friends and contributors.

Transform Your Body

On Tuesday, January 10th, at 7:00pm EST, Tiny Buddha contributor Rena Greenberg is running a free webinar, entitled The Fastest and Easiest Way to Remove Subconscious Obstacles to Weight Loss and Feel Great Fast in 2017.

In this …

When You Say Yes to Others

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Learning to Say No

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Source: Steven Aitchinson

The Power of “No”: Better Boundaries Lead to a Better Life

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“’No’ is a complete sentence.” ~Anne Lamott

When I went to counseling for the first time, my therapist told me I needed better boundaries. I had no idea what he was talking about, and although the book he lent me on the subject helped a little, I still didn’t really get it.

I tried here and there to integrate the few concepts I’d picked up from the book into my life, but mostly I stayed away from anything that could be considered boundary setting, as I still couldn’t quite figure out what it meant.

A decade after my first introduction …

How a Pause Can Help You Say No and Avoid Regret

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“No is a full sentence.” – Unknown

I like to help. I like to be kind. I like to join in.

Usually, these things happen as a result of saying yes. Generally it makes me feel good inside. Better about myself.

But what happens when helping, kindness, and joining in ends up being a burden with too many negative repercussions? Do we continue on the same path? Should we continue to say yes?

Throughout my life, I have had a good relationship with the word yes. Yes has led me to unexpected, beautiful, memorable experiences. Yes has brought …

Saying Yes When We Mean No: How to Break the Habit

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“Half of the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not saying no soon enough.” ~Josh Billings

Have you ever encountered a situation where you found yourself agreeing to do something that you had no interest in actually doing?

When we find ourselves saying yes when we mean no, we are essentially saying no to ourselves and giving our personal power away. The classic archetype of the People Pleaser.

So why do we do it?

I believe it is learned behavior. I have yet to see a toddler hold themselves back from the brink …

How to Set Strong Boundaries and Overcome The Need to Say “Yes”

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“We must never forget that it is through our actions, words, and thoughts that we have a choice.” ~Sogyal Rinpoche

Just a few short years ago, I would have relished in being called a “yes person.”

I loved that label. I thought it made me approachable, helpful, and charitable, and I loved being “top of mind” for so many people and wonderful opportunities.

Big project at work? I was there. A shoulder to cry on? You bet. A shopping buddy? Sure, I’m available! An exercise partner, a counselor, an interior designer, a cook, a cleaner, a proofreader, a tour guide—I …

How to Stop Saying Yes When You Want to Say No

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“Live your life for you not for anyone else. Don’t let the fear of being judged, rejected or disliked stop you from being yourself” ~Sonya Parker

I am a sucker for saying yes.

Sometimes I even find myself thinking “no, no, no, no” and then I blurt out “yes.”

Why is it so difficult to say the word “no”? It’s just a word, right?

After feeling trapped for some time by my excessive urge to be agreeable, it got me thinking.

I asked myself why it was so important for me to please everyone, to the point that I …

How to Stop Stressing About Being Perfect (So You Can Enjoy Life)

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“The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.” ~Anna Quindlen

I finally learned I wasn’t Superman.

It was a hard concept for me to grasp. You see, I was always the good child. The one that did everything without complaint or supervision. I was the one who didn’t need help in school, who knew how to plan, who did the chores without having to be asked twice.

As I grew older this idea that I was “the good child/person” grew. My grades had to be perfect. …

4 Questions to Help You Know When to Say No

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“It is not enough to be busy; so are the ants. The question is: what are we busy about?” ~Henry David Thoreau

A couple of years ago my friends and I went on a weekend retreat to honor our dear friend’s fortieth birthday. It was supposed to be a relaxing weekend filled with yoga and meditation at an ashram in the mountains.

But I had a serious problem with the retreat: I actually brought work with me! As an educator, it seems I am perpetually behind with my grading. And so I brought a whole stack of midterm exams with …

Living in the “Yes” of Life

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“In chaos there is fertility.” ~Anais Nin

The word fertility formerly had a one-dimensional meaning for me, but I’ve come to broaden its definition.

In my time living in Seoul, Korea, it has played a big part in defining my experience. You see, my husband and I have been trying to conceive since 2009 and have not been lucky.

There’s a long story behind this that includes testing and monitoring and modifying our diets and trying acupuncture. And, for about a year, I became that person I did not want to become—swallowed up by the pain and stress surrounding …

How the Word No Can Help You Achieve Your Goals

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“If you lose today, win tomorrow.” ~Daisaku Ikeda

From the moment we learn to walk and touch things, we hear the word no far more than we will ever hear the word yes.

“No, don’t touch that.” “No, that’s not for you.” “No, you shouldn’t eat paint chips.” OK, maybe that last one was just me, but you get the picture.

We are told no so much more than we are ever told yes during the course of growing up, so why is it as adults that hearing the word no can be so devastating? Shouldn’t we be used to …