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Posts tagged with “Pain”

It’s Okay to Not Be Okay

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“Love yourself—accept yourself—forgive yourself—and be good to yourself, because without you the rest of us are without a source of many wonderful things.” ~Leo F. Buscaglia

In 2009 I traveled to Perth, Western Australia, to further my education. Little did I know how much my life would change.

I befriended lots of people and met a tall, gorgeous man from South Asia. He was not the type of guy I normally dated, but I fell for him anyway.

It was our happy fun time in 2010. Then, in early 2011, I sensed a change.

It’s funny when you’re in a …

The Gift Of Unsoothable Pain: Darkness Can Lead to Light

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“Blessed are the cracked for they shall let in the light.” ~Groucho Marx

In 2008, after ten years of marriage, my former husband and I decided to divorce.

It came as a shock to those who knew us. We were living what most would consider the American dream: two healthy children, beautiful home, great friends, strong careers, two incomes—the works.

Though my ex-husband and I got along well, the marriage was missing an intimate, heartfelt connection.

Loneliness and longing grew with each passing year until I could no longer ignore them. I knew the kind of intimacy for which I …

Breaking Free from the Pain of Heartbreak

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“Never be ashamed of a scar. It simply means you were stronger than whatever tried to hurt you.” ~Unknown

Heartbreak. I have never felt anything as torturous.

It’s been just over a year since my first real heartbreak, and finally, after more pain and tears than I can describe, I have started to move on.

The loss of a love you believed to be true can leave you feeling shattered. No matter how independent you believed you were, and how many positive things everyone else believes about you, you may feel like the better half of everything you know has …

Rediscovering Yourself and Rebuilding Your Life After Loss

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“He who sits in the house of grief will eventually sit in the garden.” ~Hafiz

My life has fallen apart around me.

I ended a five-year relationship with a man I thought I wanted to marry, quit a full-time office job with no further prospects, and moved back to my tiny hometown to live with my parents.

All of these transitions occurred within the same week.

I was twenty when I met my boyfriend, and he was twenty-eight. We spent every waking moment together, dating for four-and-a-half years and living together for two. This time was punctuated with moments of …

When You’re Hiding Your Pain: Why It’s Worth Letting People In

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“All men are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly affects all indirectly. I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be, and you can never be what you ought to be until I am what I ought to be.” ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

We are all interconnected, and we all need each other. Our ability to see and be seen by each other creates a beautiful depth of connection that we are privileged to experience.

This has been a great …

Why We Get Attached to Our Struggles and Who We Could Be Without Them

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“Stop seeking out the storms and enjoy more fully the sunlight.” ~Gordon B. Hinckley

I have been interested in personal development for as long as I can remember.

I devour books about increasing confidence, happiness, self-worth, and intuition. I‘m inspired by articles about self-care, living intentionally, and aligning with your purpose in life. I have read many fabulous books over the last decade, all with their own nuggets of wisdom and insight.

Recently, I was reading the book, Supercoach, 10 Secrets to Transform Anyone’s Life by Michael Neill. In his book, Michael describes how many of his clients go through …

Let Go of Past Mistakes: 6 Steps To Forgiving Yourself

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“At any given moment, you have the power to say: This is not how the story is going to end.” ~ Christine Mason Miller 

Sometimes you do or say things you regret. If you’ve experienced this recently, you might be struggling to forgive yourself, especially if your actions hurt someone you love.

A few months ago, I had a falling out with a friend. It happened like most misunderstandings do: swiftly and unexpectedly. I barely had time to comprehend what was happening.

My friend was trying to convince me to join him in a business venture, which I politely tried …

5 Beliefs About Happiness That Make Us Unhappy

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“There is only one cause of unhappiness: the false beliefs you have in your head, beliefs so widespread, so commonly held, that it never occurs to you to question them.” ~Anthony de Mello

Do you believe in soul mates?

I did. I also believed that the only way to be blissfully happy was to be with mine.

At a New Year party, I finally found her. As we chatted and danced through the evening, we fell in love. It seemed perfect.

Life, however, had other plans. Soon after, she moved to another city. I never saw her again but continued …

When Life Gets Hard: Keep Moving Forward, One Step at a Time

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“You just do it. You force yourself to get up. You force yourself to put one foot before the other, and darn it, you refuse to let it get to you. You fight. You cry. You curse. Then you go about the business of living. That’s how I’ve done it. There’s no other way.” ~Elizabeth Taylor

Most of us will experience hard choices, stressful events, and difficult situations that will impact us in one way or another for the rest of our lives.

Hard times happen. They teach us lessons, make us stronger, and give us a deeper sense of …

Finding Beauty After Tragedy: Bad Things Can Lead to Good

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“Behind every exquisite thing that existed, there was something tragic.” ~Oscar Wilde

Have you ever had one of those moments when something devastating happens in your world and it feels like the rug has been ripped out from under you? I know I certainly did last year.

I thought my life was moving along wonderfully. I had a well-paying job and was slowly growing my dream business on the side. I was happily married and the mother of an adorably cheeky toddler.

I was only weeks away from moving into our new family home, which had taken us years of …

We Can Be Positive Without Repressing Our Emotions

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“I’m stronger because of the hard times, wiser because of my mistakes, and happier because I have known sadness.” ~Unknown

One day at my part-time job, my supervisor told me that my boss wanted to talk to me. This was completely unexpected, so I was a bit concerned. Everything had been going so incredibly smoothly in my life for the past week or two, and all I wanted was to keep that oh-so-wonderful peacefulness going.

But when I came into her office, I knew in my entire being that something was off. My stomach clinched up and I …

When Your Struggle Has Become Your Identity: How to Rediscover Yourself

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“It ain’t what they call you. It’s what you answer to.” ~W.C. Fields

For much of my life, I have struggled against the after effects of unresolved childhood trauma.

For years, I didn’t even know how much of an issue it was. I thought it was completely normal to expect the worst or avoid intimacy like the plague.

When I finally dragged myself into a therapist’s office and was diagnosed with “significant, complex trauma,” I initially felt free.

And I admit, it was freeing. I now knew that this “thing” that I had been dealing with my entire life wasn’t …

You’re Going to Be Okay

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“The mind is everything. What you think, you become.” ~Buddha

“I will be okay,” I repeated to myself. “Deep breaths. You’re okay. Focus on the breath. I am going to be okay…”

I was on a small plane flying over the Rocky Mountains of Colorado on a hot summer afternoon—a notoriously turbulent time to fly.

I’m not afraid of flying. I do it a lot and it’s not something that makes me nervous, although the mantra could work perfectly well if I was. It does, for some reason, make me incredibly motion sick at times—scanning seatback pockets for white bags, …

We Can Choose to Let Go, Stop Suffering, and Find Peace

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“People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

I’ve called it my “Epiphany Bubble,” and it might be hard to believe, but it’s my true experience.

I stood on the lawn of our city’s hospital. The sun was shining down on our group of grieving parents. My belly was big with my third child, but my heart was still heavy with grief from my second.

Jonathan. I’ve never personally known anyone whose entire life was surrounded by compassion and love, like every …

How to Take Care of Yourself When You Feel Like Shutting Down

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“Displace the pain. Put it in a camera, in a story, in a poem, in a song, in a lover, in a canvas.” ~Unknown

As an aspiring mental health counselor, I’m a huge advocate for self-care. I think it’s extremely important to educate people about the benefits of taking the time to nourish our souls and to give ourselves some TLC.

I have several go-to ways I like to take care of myself, from practicing yoga to immersing myself in nature to writing to taking the time to mindfully apply my favorite lotion.

I find myself engaging in these …

9 Things to Tell Yourself When You’re Afraid to End a Relationship

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“F-E-A-R has two meanings: ‘Forget Everything And Run’ or ‘Face Everything And Rise.’ The choice is yours.” ~Zig Ziglar

No matter how old I get, no matter how experienced I become, ending a relationship is agonizing.

It represents a loss, and losses hurt.

Deep down, I know if I go through with it, I’ll feel freer—well, not right away, but in a little while anyway—but I’d rather crawl under a rock and ignore the whole thing.

When I was a teen, I went out with a guy who had a major crush on me, although I wasn’t attracted to him. …

Practicing Loving-Kindness Even When (Especially When) You Are Hurting

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“Have a heart that never hardens, and a temper that never tires, and a touch that never hurts.” ~Charles Dickens   

All of us have been hurt or angered by someone’s words at some point. Some words are blatantly cruel, and others are deceptive, appearing to be in our best interest but only ever leading us astray. These are the messages that leave us questioning who we are or how we should be.

I’ve been labeled timid and stuck-up. Speak up more, but stop interrupting. Be more assertive, but don’t complain. Be more outgoing, but be authentic.

I’ve been called …

You Have the Strength and Wisdom to Thrive Through Hard Times

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“And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.” ~Abraham Lincoln

Nothing can ever really prepare you for a cancer diagnosis, but it can quickly turn your life into an unplanned story.

Diagnosed at the age of twenty-eight with ocular melanoma, I was treated with surgery and proton beam therapy, and gratefully continued on with my life (though certainly a changed person).

But every year I went for a MRI of my liver/abdomen because if ocular melanoma spreads, it most likely goes to the liver. And every year when I …

Accepting, Feeling, and Releasing Painful Emotions

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“Eventually you will come to realize that love heals everything, and love is all there is.” ~Gary Zukav

Last year I developed some unexplained symptoms that could be likened to IBS, Chron’s disease, or even morning sickness (although I wasn’t pregnant, so there was no promise of a baby to make it all worth it).

I had no idea what caused it, why it was there, or what to do about it.

This shook me because I’d always had a strong intuitive connection with my body and I had always been healthy, but now when I asked my body a …

How To Change The Past By Changing Your Thinking

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“The most positive action we can take about the past is to change our perception of it.” ~Deepak Chopra

Death didn’t happen quickly like in the movies.

A compassionate nurse set the tone and gently guided us through the ordeal. Mom, Dad, my other brother, and I spread out so that one of us held each of Chris’ hands and feet with a person at his head. Time passed in slow motion.

In horror, I watched for more than an hour as his breathing abated, with the pauses in between his raspy, strained breaths becoming longer and longer. I fervently …