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Posts tagged with “Pain”

Practicing Loving-Kindness Even When (Especially When) You Are Hurting

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“Have a heart that never hardens, and a temper that never tires, and a touch that never hurts.” ~Charles Dickens   

All of us have been hurt or angered by someone’s words at some point. Some words are blatantly cruel, and others are deceptive, appearing to be in our best interest but only ever leading us astray. These are the messages that leave us questioning who we are or how we should be.

I’ve been labeled timid and stuck-up. Speak up more, but stop interrupting. Be more assertive, but don’t complain. Be more outgoing, but be authentic.

I’ve been called …

You Have the Strength and Wisdom to Thrive Through Hard Times

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“And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.” ~Abraham Lincoln

Nothing can ever really prepare you for a cancer diagnosis, but it can quickly turn your life into an unplanned story.

Diagnosed at the age of twenty-eight with ocular melanoma, I was treated with surgery and proton beam therapy, and gratefully continued on with my life (though certainly a changed person).

But every year I went for a MRI of my liver/abdomen because if ocular melanoma spreads, it most likely goes to the liver. And every year when I …

Accepting, Feeling, and Releasing Painful Emotions

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“Eventually you will come to realize that love heals everything, and love is all there is.” ~Gary Zukav

Last year I developed some unexplained symptoms that could be likened to IBS, Chron’s disease, or even morning sickness (although I wasn’t pregnant, so there was no promise of a baby to make it all worth it).

I had no idea what caused it, why it was there, or what to do about it.

This shook me because I’d always had a strong intuitive connection with my body and I had always been healthy, but now when I asked my body a …

How To Change The Past By Changing Your Thinking

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“The most positive action we can take about the past is to change our perception of it.” ~Deepak Chopra

Death didn’t happen quickly like in the movies.

A compassionate nurse set the tone and gently guided us through the ordeal. Mom, Dad, my other brother, and I spread out so that one of us held each of Chris’ hands and feet with a person at his head. Time passed in slow motion.

In horror, I watched for more than an hour as his breathing abated, with the pauses in between his raspy, strained breaths becoming longer and longer. I fervently …

How to Get Through Hard Times by Throwing Yourself into a Hobby

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“Almost everything comes from nothing.” ~Henri F. Amiel

There are uncountable ways to deal with difficult times in life. Some people turn to prayer or meditation, others open their hearts in therapy or to friends, and many choose to hide from the pain by eating their weight in chocolate or purchasing expensive bags; to each their own. I have a different approach: crafting.

When I’ve gone through difficult times in life—depression, unemployment, relationship problems—I have often turned to craft projects. For a long time, I didn’t think much about it, but eventually I realized how much it has honestly …

How a Major Crisis Can Sometimes Be a Blessing in Disguise

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“Pain can change you, but that doesn’t mean it has to be a bad change. Take that pain and turn it into wisdom.” ~Unknown

Ten years ago my life changed in a dramatic way. What I experienced in 2004 seemed like a major disaster at first, but it turns out that sometimes what seems like the worst life experience can actually be one of our biggest blessings.

In 2004, I was in graduate school, working toward a PhD in history. When I graduated from college in 2001, I wanted to be a professor. Well, that’s what I thought I wanted, …

Life is a Gift: How to Enjoy It and Find Happiness After a Tragic Loss

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“If we could see that everything, even tragedy, is a gift in disguise, we would then find the best way to nourish the soul.” ~Elizabeth Kubler Ross

Sometimes a tragedy can give new energy to life and bring awareness we have been living on autopilot.

I still remember the night like it was yesterday. It was late and my husband and I had just turned off the light when my phone rang. It was my aunt saying my dad pushed his life alert and was transported to the hospital.

I fumbled to find my clothes and hurried to the …

Releasing Painful Memories to Live More Fully in the Present

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“The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but thought about it. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking.” ~Eckhart Tolle

For thirteen years I’ve lived a high-risk lifestyle that focuses very much on the here and now, because I’m an entrepreneur, and that means making lots of fast decisions that affect the future.

It took a while for me to develop confidence in myself, as we tend to doubt ourselves much more than other people might doubt us. Our thoughts form our doubts, so I knew I had to do something to move forward from the thoughts …

Redefining Closure in Order to Move On and Get Living Again

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“You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.” ~Unknown

I would love to identify as someone who, when her relationships crumble either gradually or all at once, is able to wipe her hands clean and go about her life without any closure.

I fantasize about the tears, time, and energy I would save if I didn’t feel the need for closure and if I didn’t agonize about trying to have these heartfelt and “necessary” conversations with the people with whom I’ve had falling outs.

For years, I was shackled to the belief …

Managing Chronic Pain: 5 Lessons from Being Hit by a Truck

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“Pain can change you, but that doesn’t mean it has to be a bad change. Take that pain and turn it into wisdom.” ~Unknown

You know how people say, “It was like being hit by a truck”?

I know what they mean.

But the impact took over ten years.

It was a cold, snowy January, and I was in my car, singing along to the radio.

I was doing a steady, careful sixty miles per hour, in the middle lane of a busy British highway. I was on my way to deliver my first solo course for the company I’d …

Getting Back Your Spark When Every Day Feels Hard

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“When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on.” ~Thomas Jefferson

Did you ever wake up one morning and not know who you were anymore?

Waking up for the past four years of my life, I felt like I was in the movie Groundhog Day. The same things happened every day, and I felt the same horrible feelings all the time. Anxiety, depression, and hopelessness ran my life.

I had it all figured out at some point. I was furthering my career and moving toward my dream of becoming a psychologist. I …

How to Heal from Heartbreak and Allow Love into Your Life

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“Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we learned here.” ~Marianne Williamson

Love terrifies me.

After having loved, courted, and married the love of my life, things went sour. Over the course of a few years, our marriage crumbled and our relationship came to a sudden halt.

When you’ve only been with one person, loved that person to the core, and believed that person to be your soul mate, you take the breakup unusually hard.

Yes, tears. Yes, sorrow. Yes, seclusion. Yes, withdrawal. Yes, not wanting to get out of bed.

I experienced every symptom of heartbreak …

Healing from Heartbreak and Loving Life, No Matter Your “Status”

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“Getting over a past relationship is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point to move forward.” ~C.S. Lewis

I recently stumbled into a clothing store where everything was full of life and color, until I saw the sales clerk.

She had obviously been crying. I perused the merchandise and hesitatingly asked her a question about an item. Tears welled up in her eyes and she said, “I’m sorry, I’m so overwhelmed. My boyfriend just broke up with me.”

I wasn’t prepared for that answer, but as I looked at her more closely I saw …

5 Helpful Things to Do When You Think Life Sucks

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“It isn’t what happens to us that causes us to suffer; it’s what we say to ourselves about what happens.” ~Pema Chodron

You know that foreboding fear we all have—that something will go terribly wrong and life will never be the same again?

Mine is that something will happen to our daughter. She is our only child. We battled infertility for years before conceiving her. I keep telling myself that it’s just an irrational fear and that every parent probably has it to some extent, but it’s a constant companion that stealthily follows me around everywhere I go.

So, on …

How Painful Relationships Can Be The Best Teachers

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“Sometimes the wrong choices bring us to the right places.” ~Unknown

“This is it,” I thought. I finally found the man I had been waiting for.

Of course, it had taken me thirty-nine years and a painful divorce from my husband of ten years. But that was all worth it, I told myself, because it had led me to the man who seemed to see, understand, and love me the way I had always hoped someone would.

Things were blissful in beginning. We made breakfasts together, took romantic vacations to exotic locations, we fantasized about buying vacation houses. Our developing …

Pacing Yourself When You Want the Pain to Stop

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“The intensity of the pain depends on the degree of resistance to the present moment.” ~Eckhart Tolle

I was in pain.

My legs hurt, I felt nauseated, my heart thumped hard and fast, and I labored for every breath.

I was halfway up a steep, three-mile hill, and I was so exhausted I could barely keep my bike upright.

My mind tried desperately to solve this problem: “Should I stop? I should stop. No! I’ve done this hill in the past without stopping—what’s the problem this time? I hate this! Why is this so painful?”

I glanced over at my …

How I Broke Free from Depression When I Felt Suicidal

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“I’m stronger because of the hard times, wiser because of my mistakes, and happier because I have known sadness.” ~Unknown

I was diagnosed with clinical depression and prescribed anti-depressants when I was twenty-one years old. I refer to this point in my life as the “Dark Ages.”

Leading up to grad school, I’d suddenly become afflicted with incomprehensible despair.

At seventeen, for the first time (at least for the first time I could remember), I considered suicide. I felt as if life should’ve been more than what it was. I had a deep sense that I was supposed to …

Letting Go of the Past So You Can Be Reborn

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“In the end what matters most is: How well did you live? How well did you love? How well did you learn to let go?” ~Unknown

In a matter of days, it was all gone: the role in a company I adored, the future I had imagined, and our friend Max, so loved by all who knew him.

The loss washed over me in a sudden gust. I was being called to begin again, to re-examine what I thought was important. And, in facing the feelings that arose with being stripped abruptly of these attachments, the inessential was forced to …

Healing from Heartbreak: How to Lessen the Pain

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“To get over the past, you first have to accept that the past is over. No matter how many times you revisit it, analyze it, regret it, or sweat it…it’s over.” ~Mandy Hale

Heartbreak. It’s a hard thing to go through. And the pain—it’s real, isn’t it? Like tangible pain. Almost as if that person, throughout the time we were with them, emblazoned our hearts with tiny little hooks and, one by one, they’re being wrenched out. Sounds dramatic, but that’s how it felt to me!

This recent breakup has been the most significant in my life so far. …

Can You Make Your Brain Fall Out of Love?

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“Sometimes love means letting go when you want to hold on tighter.” ~Unknown

A long time ago now, but once I was in a relationship that was full of great passion and hot desire, but it was also addictive, distracting, and destructive.

When I noticed that it was ultimately bad for me, I knew I had to “get out.” So, I went cold turkey, as they say, and broke up, thinking I would be able to handle it.

Unfortunately, it was much harder than I thought it would be. Every morning I woke up and found myself in the …