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Posts tagged with “relationship”

I Didn’t Know How to Let Love In… Until Now

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“You open your heart knowing there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible.” ~Bob Marley

A few months ago I was visited by my mother in a dream; my deceased mother who took her own life thirty years ago.

In my dream, I was sitting on the floor of my bedroom thinking about my teenage daughter, who is around the same age I was when my mother died. I felt like my daughter was in distress, and I wanted to help her.

As …

Meaningful Connection: The Gift And Challenge Of Being An HSP In Love

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“You don’t need strength to let go of something. What you really need is understanding.” ~Guy Finley

I used to be married to a very kind man with similar values and goals in life. So why did we end up divorced?

In one word? Communication.

Like so many other highly sensitive people (HSPs) I thrived on meaningful, deep communication. I lived for it. I sought it out. And, when at ease, I was good at it.

Unless he wasn’t. Which was often. When he was shut down, couldn’t articulate what was going on for him, or had nothing to say …

You Don’t Need a “Perfect Relationship”

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How to Stop Feeling Consumed by Your Fear of Being Alone

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“Pain makes you stronger. Fear makes you braver. Heartbreak makes you wiser.” ~Unknown

You wake up and check your phone expecting a “good morning” text, but there’s nothing there. Going through your day, everything feels quieter and there’s a gaping hole inside of you that nothing seems to fill. No matter what you do, you can’t seem to shake that relentless ache for the one person who consumes your mind.

It’s an emptiness that makes you feel lost and scared.

There’s nothing quite like a breakup to spark fears of being alone. It’s like a wave of dread that hits …

What to Do When Someone You Love is Struggling

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“Sometimes the easiest way to solve a problem is to stop participating in the problem.” ~ Jonathan Mead

I don’t think I’m alone in having someone in my life whom I wish I could change. Someone I see struggling, who ignores or resents any lifesavers I send their way. I can clearly see how this person contributes to their own struggles, but they remain totally unaware of it. Sometimes, I want to shake some sense into this person; I think, “If only they would get their life together…”

For many of us, this person is a relative: a sister, …

I Thought It Was Love, But It Was Actually Abuse

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“Alone doesn’t always mean lonely. Relationship doesn’t always mean happy. Being alone will never cause as much loneliness as being in the wrong relationship.” ~Unknown

I don’t know if it’s the conditioning of Disney movies that makes every young girl dream of finding her Prince Charming, but that was my experience. My prince entered my life just like that, saving me from my boredom and taking me on a roller coaster of excitement. He assured me that our love was going to last forever, and the naivety of being sixteen made me believe him.

It didn’t take long for his …

Love Doesn’t Mean Being a Hero or Being Saved

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Most of us grow up believing that one day a handsome prince or beautiful princess will come our way and lead us into a life of “happily ever after.” No one knows what’s going to happen, but we’re certain it will be magical. We spend our childhoods desperate to grow up so that our lives can finally start when we meet “the one.”

The one who will make us happy. The one who will take all our cares away. The one who will love us, and only us, forever and ever.

Finally, we will be wanted and desired. We will …

How to Fight Well in Your Relationship

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“Raise your words, not your voice. It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder.” ~Rumi

I had one of those really intense arguments with my partner recently, and it made me realize the importance of knowing how to fight well in a relationship.

That might sound like an oxymoron, but there isn’t a relationship I know of where the couple doesn’t fall out at one point or another. Fights can make or break a relationship. That’s why it’s important you know how to fight well—because the success of any relationship isn’t based on how well you manage the good times …

From the Spouse of a Narcissist: Here’s What You Need to Know

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“You can recognize survivors of abuse by their courage. When silence is so very inviting, they step forward and share their truth so others know they aren’t alone.” ~Jeanne McElvaney, Healing Insights: Effects of Abuse for Adults Abused as Children 

When I first met my husband, when he had just started medical school at a large university, I thought he was just insecure. I believed that he would grow out of his need to be the center of attention, receive constant validation, and appear correct and knowledgeable about everything.

I believed he would become surer of himself and would …

It’s Not “Failing” to Leave a Toxic, Abusive Marriage

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“Forgive yourself for not knowing better at the time. Forgive yourself for giving away your power. Forgive yourself for past behaviors. Forgive yourself for the survival patterns and traits you picked up while enduring trauma. Forgive yourself for being who you needed to be.” ~Audrey Kitching

I have always been an extremely glass-half-full kind of person. I always see the best in everyone, and not only the best but also the unlimited beauty and potential. And my god, it’s glorious!!

I met and fell in love with a charming man. I was on a trip to Alaska to visit …

How to Break Painful Relationship Patterns

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“Until you heal your past, your life patterns and relationships will continue to be the same; it’s just the faces that change.” ~Unknown

First of all: honey, you are not broken. We are all works in process. There is nothing inherently wrong with you. We all end up in a loop here and there. Sometimes it’s because we haven’t healed pain from the past. And sometimes it’s because we’ve healed our pain but still hold on to past habits. When we do this, past habits will promote the replaying of past events and, therefore, the pain will return.

This …

How to Stop Punishing Yourself for Your Breakup

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“The most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves.” ~Pema Chodron

After you come out a meaningful relationship that you didn’t foresee ending, you begin to think about everything you did wrong.

If you were not the one who wanted to the breakup, you may spend a lot of time blaming yourself and wondering about what you could have done differently.

You might begin to believe you’re solely responsible for what went down and that you deserve to spend years in relationship purgatory by yourself, mourning the loss of the person you loved.

You …

How Casual Dating Opened My Heart to Love

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“Hopping from one relationship to another is not the way to find love. Slow down and give love a chance to find you.” ~Unknown

When I was younger, I was a serial monogamist.

I did the math recently and it turns out that once I started dating, I didn’t spend more than two weeks single at any point.

Then, after the end of my most serious relationship ever, I had a moment that changed everything.

My boyfriend and I hadn’t even been together a whole year, but I really thought he was the one, my soul mate. We had so …

How to Accept That It’s Time to Break Up

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“Sometimes things fall apart so that better things can fall together.” ~Marilyn Monroe

I knew it was over and yet I stayed.

In my eyes, my relationship had run its course. I was fed up, tired, and emotionally drained, but I couldn’t get myself to pull the trigger. I didn’t know how to go through with it.

Because this was my first serious relationship, everything was new to me, including breaking up. He was my first love. We lived together, built a life together, and now I was throwing a wrench into all of our bright plans for the …

How to Heal a Broken Heart Using Mindful Self-Compassion

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“It’s not your job to like me—it’s mine.” Byron Katie

Why are breakups so painful? Whether we are the dumper or the dumpee, the range of emotions we feel is universal: devastation, sadness, and anger. Oh, and there’s the acute pain, as if your heart had been gouged from your chest, stabbed a dozen times with a butter knife, and booted to the curb.

Am I right?

Of course I am. I’ve been there. We all have. I intimately experienced a broken heart and its rippling effects when my partner and I ended our seven-year relationship. I admit that I …

Knowing When to Let Go of Relationships: 3 Signs It’s Time to Move On

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“Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.” ~Deborah Reber

Thanks to the Internet, our lives are full of people. We’re connected literally all the time.

And yet, despite our ceaseless connection, we feel disconnected.

As the pace of life becomes ever more frenetic, we’re like charged atoms, bumping into each other more and more, pinballs in the machine. We come into contact (and conflict), but we don’t commune so much.

As real relationships of depth and quality become harder-won in this busy …

Before You Send That Message to Your Ex, Consider This

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“If the hurt comes so will the happiness. Be patient.” ~Rupi Kaur

What if I said instead of messaging our ex, we had a different choice, a choice that will be even more fulfilling than acting on the urge to share whatever we’re feeling right now?

It’s been over a year since I last spoke with my ex. While I’ve thought about him and missed him, I’ve known that getting in contact wasn’t the right thing, and so I haven’t taken any action to reconnect.

For the past few weeks, however, my thoughts have been seeping in, focusing on …

How to Avoid Petty Fights and Get What You Need in Your Relationship

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“It’s never overreacting to ask for what you want and need.” ~Amy Poehler

It was yet another stupid argument that escalated from nothing to a hundred miles an hour in seconds. I’d been there so many times before, entrenched in warfare with us both preparing our defenses and priming our attacks.

The intense emotions of the moment always took over, denying me the opportunity that hindsight would later afford me. Huge issues were, upon reflection, only minor disagreements about who had said what about the cooking, or where something had been left in the bathroom.

On this occasion, once …

If You Can’t Share Your Feeling, Standards, and Expectations

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Beyond Sorry: A Better Way to Handle Conflict in Your Relationship

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“Sorry isn’t always enough. Sometimes you actually have to change.” ~Unknown

When I was young I was like every other kid, always in and out of trouble. I pushed the boundaries of what was acceptable in order to see what I could get away with. When I pushed, I’d often keep on pushing until someone said “stop.”

During my childhood I heard lots of:

“STOP!!” 

Quickly followed by:

“Say you’re sorry.”

Say those two magical words, “I’m sorry,” and all the pain will go away. Then I’ll be back in the good books and can go play with my friends …