Posts tagged with “relationships”
The Agony of Anxious Attachment and How to Attract Better Relationships
“If you don’t love yourself, you’ll always be looking for someone else to fill the void inside you, but no one will ever be able to do it.” ~Lori Deschene
There are four attachment styles including anxious, avoidant, anxious/avoidant, and secure.
Attachment theory teaches us that the way in which we attach ourselves to our romantic partner mimics the relationship we had with our primary caregivers growing up.
So, if you were like me and had parents who were not physically or emotionally present, you grew up feeling a void within yourself and always worrying if you were lovable. Because …
What Most People Get Wrong About Singles and 6 Messages You Might Need
“In a world that treats a forty-one-year-old single woman like a teenager who didn’t get asked to prom, I think it’s extremely important to recognize the unique wisdom of a solitary life—a wisdom that develops slowly over many years, that is fundamentally different from that of, say, the person who was between boyfriends for a year when she was twenty-six.” ~Sara Eckel
I was twenty-three and had just told a woman I was casually dating that I’d never been in a long-term committed relationship.
Her response was this: “Wow, really? I mean, you’re attractive, so why haven’t you?”
Having spent …
Freedom Is the Space Between Each Judgmental or Righteous Thought
“It is inner stillness that will save and transform the world.” ~Eckhart Tolle
Life is hard. Impenetrable at times. How can we use our spirituality to navigate through the density of life?
That question inspired this piece of writing. And my navigation tool is almost effortless; I feel compelled to share it.
When my mind is churning and burning with thoughts and fears and worries, I take myself off to a quiet place, get still, and watch my mind. I wait for the tiny gap between each thought. Bingo.
That space, that little gap, is freedom in its truest, purest …
How I Found Peace and Self-Love After a Toxic Relationship
“Bravery is leaving a toxic relationship and knowing that you deserve better.” ~Unknown
When my marriage ended, it left a huge void that I desperately needed to fill, and quickly.
Along with my divorce came the unbearable feelings of rejection and being unlovable. To avoid these feelings, fill the void, and distract myself, I turned to dating. And it turns out, it was much too soon.
What seemed like a harmless distraction soon became what I needed to feel wanted and loved. This was a way to avoid doing the harder work of learning to love myself instead of needing …
For More Love in Your Relationship, Love Yourself More (5 Tips)
“If you don’t love yourself, you’ll always be looking for someone else to fill the void inside you, but no one will ever be able to do it.” ~Lori Deschene
Two years ago, I sat in my basement with tears streaming down my face. I had just found a copy of an old letter I’d written to an old boyfriend years before. In it, I was practically begging for his love, and also complaining and even shaming him for not loving me well.
As I read, I was overcome by three insights, all of which brought up big emotions:
The …
7 Lessons That May Help You Find a Fulfilling Long-Term Relationship
“You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” ~Buddha
“You’re not in love with me, you’re in love with the idea of being in love.”
Ouch!
Kate (not her real name) and I had met online before Internet dating websites—let alone apps—were even a thing, and ours was a long-distance relationship.
I was twenty-four, and she was twenty-three.
Initially bonding over our favorite musical artists, we soon found ourselves sharing all kinds of personal stuff with each other—first over AOL Instant Messenger, and then via countless hours on the telephone.
I remember being …
A Guide to Saying No Without Guilt: 7 Steps for People-Pleasers
“You can be a good person with a kind heart and still say no.” ~Unknown
Why is it so hard to say no? The uncomfortable buildup of emotion I felt while contemplating dropping the ‘n’ word used to have me rushing around town, home, and work for the people I loved in a heartbeat.
I remember one day I was on the cusp of complete overwhelm with the responsibility of being a mother, wife, sister, daughter, friend, and business owner. Hanging up the phone with a potential new client who was keen to work with me, I was wired. I …
How to Feel Comfortable Setting Boundaries and Why We Need Them
“Avoiding certain people to protect your emotional health is not weakness. It is wisdom.” ~Unknown
The word “boundary” often conjures up negative thoughts. After all, it’s usually an indication of something being restricted.
However, deciding to set boundaries is one of the most empowering things you can do for your mental well-being.
Growing up I always put the needs of others before my own, and not much has changed in my adult life.
While I enjoy the idea of being a mediator in some ways, or the person that other people come to in times of need, it gets exhausting …
How Overthinking Ruined my Relationships and How I Overcame It
“Overthinking ruins you. It ruins the situation. And it twists things around. It makes you worry. Plus, it just makes everything worse than it actually is.” ~Karen Salmansohn
I grew up with parents who believed a kid shouldn’t have friends and should be indoors always. Because of that, I never had real friends in my childhood, except those I met in school and church.
Since my early teenage years, loneliness has been my forte, and I have learned to pay too much attention to details. When people talk, I look at them, how they react, their facial expressions, etc. I …
Why We’re Afraid of Real Connection and Why We Need Deeper Conversations Now
“It’s one of the great paradoxes of the human condition—we ask some variation of the question ‘How are you feeling?’ over and over, which would lead one to assume that we attach some importance to it. And yet we never expect or desire—or provide—an honest answer.” ~Mark Brackett, Ph.D., Permission to Feel
I used to feel so satisfied if I had made them cry.
Not in a twisted, sadistic way.
I just knew once things went quiet and they felt safe, we could peel back enough layers, the tears would flow, and we could finally get to the truth. The …
How a Highly Sensitive Person Can Get Over a Breakup And Move On
“A shoutout to everyone who is trying right now… Trying to do the right thing. Trying to stay open. Trying to keep going. Trying to hold on. Trying to let go. Trying to find their flow. Trying to stay afloat. Trying to meet each new day. Trying to find their balance. Trying to love themselves. Trying new things and new ways. I see you. I’m there too. We’re in this together.” ~S.C. Lourie
Breakups are devastating, and the pain is real. But if you’re a highly sensitive person (HSP), it can take an extreme toll on your system because HSPs …
3 Reasons Why It’s Hard to Set Boundaries and What to Do About It
“Care what other people think, and you will forever be their prisoner.” ~Lao Tzu
I love this quote because it is such truth. But I also recognize the difficulty and the uncomfortable feelings that arise when working toward living this quote.
There’s a reason why it feels so hard to set healthy boundaries, and that is what this article is going to show you.
Discovery #1: Understanding our hard wiring
Our minds were not created to care about healthy boundaries. Say what? Let me explain.
From the beginning of time, we humans were hard wired for connection. We are …
The Areas of Our Lives We Need to Balance to Find Peace and Contentment
“Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance, order, rhythm and harmony.” ~Thomas Merton
Balance is everything and is really what we are striving to find in life. Balancing work and play. Balancing food and exercise. Balancing a social life and solitude. Balancing being and doing. Finding balance is finding freedom.
Once I was truly able to comprehend this it was a game changer on my healing journey. Any suffering you experience in life can be attributed to a lack of balance.
What is balance? The ancient Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu speaks of The Dao, which …
Scared of Losing People You Love? How to Work through the Fear
“People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.” ~Joseph F. Newton
“Oh my God, Mom…” she said with a verbal eye roll.
“What?” I responded, sure that I had said too much or overshared like I normally do.
I can’t recall what my daughter and I were discussing openly about while standing in line at the grocery store checkout, but I do remember the girl ringing us up laughing and saying we sounded just like her and her mom.
I paused, unsure what that meant.
“Is this what a healthy mother/daughter relationship sounds like?” I questioned to myself. …
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