fbpx
Menu

Posts tagged with “should”

If You’re Trapped Under a Pile of “Should” and Tired of Feeling Unhappy

By

“Stop shoulding on yourself.” ~Albert Ellis

I was buried under a pile of shoulds for the first thirty-two years of my life. Some of those shoulds were put on me by the adults in my life, some were heaped on because I am a middle child, but most were self-imposed thanks to cultural and peer influence.

“You should get straight A’s, Jill.”

“You shouldn’t worry so much, Jill.”

“You should be married by now, Jill.”

“You should get your Master’s degree.”

I could go on forever. The pile was high, and I was slowly suffocating from the crushing weight on …

The Mountain of Should by Brady Gill

By

Many people are living inauthentic lives because of all the “shoulds” they are listening to. Some “shoulds” are from their friends and family, some are from the world around them, and many are the voice inside their own head.

The Mountain of Should reminds us that “shoulds” are a universal experience. It inspires us to imagine what it might take to let go of those “shoulds” and what is possible when we do.

The Betrayal of Expectations: Coping When Life Doesn’t Go to Plan

By

“What will mess you up most in life is the picture in your head of how it is supposed to be.” ~Unknown

I expected to get into college. I expected to have a career after a lot of hard work, and that one day I’d meet a nice man and we would get married. We would buy our first house together and start a family, picking out a crib and the baby’s “going home” outfit and organizing a drawer full of diapers. We’d have more babies and go on vacations and grow old together.

I expected that one day I’d …

Switching Paths: You Can Live an Exciting, Fulfilling Life

By

“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.” ~Neale Donald Walsch 

Lights out. Eyes closed. We biked through an imaginary trail. Our guide shouted the magic word, “switch,” and we knew it was time. We began using our minds to visualize where we wanted to be.

I imagined biking down my favorite street in a city abroad.

I enjoyed feeling the bumpy ride on the uneven pavement, looking at the clothes line-drying from beautiful ancient buildings, smelling delicious aromas from local cafés, and listening to the different languages that people were speaking around me.

My heart felt full. I …

Forget “Should” and Live the Life You Want to Live

By

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

There was a time when I “had it all.”

I was in my tenth year of teaching in a small, rural school. I lived with my husband and daughter in a four-bedroom house in a subdivision in the woods. Life was routine, predictable, and secure. We made plans to fix up the house and figured that I would likely work in my job until retirement.

However, two things got in the way of those plans.

First, I felt …

3 Words That Can Change Your Perspective and Your Life

By

“Sometimes a change of perspective is all it takes to see the light.” ~Dan Brown

It was a cold January morning in California when a woman living on the streets uttered three words that forever altered my life.

It started with my alarm blaring its wake-up call at 6:15AM. I had a Kundalini yoga class at 7:00, but I wanted nothing more than to hit the snooze button. I did. Four times.

Lying in bed with drowsy eyes open, I silently whined, “Do I have to go? I don’t wanna… Why did I sign up for this?” I was in …

Escaping the Trap of “Shoulds” and Doing What You Want to Do

By

“If you are always trying to be normal, you will never know how amazing you can be.” ~Maya Angelou

I’ve never done things the “normal” way. Yes, I graduated from high school and went on to college, but then I didn’t go the job-marriage-house-baby route.

After I had my degree in hand, I moved to Vermont to work at a ski lodge. After a few months of that I packed up all of my belongings and traveled around the country, landing in Montana. I spent a few months there, sleeping on a mattress laid on the bare floor in an …

Let Go of Who You Think Should Be and Become Who You Want to Be

By

“Do not become a stranger to yourself by blending in with everyone else.” ~Dodinsky

I spent many decades of my life trying to be person I was expected to be.

It was partly the kind of expectations our parents impose on us, but also those from society, combined with the worst ones of all: the expectations I had put on myself.

For example, the story of who “I should be” had told me that:

  • I had to be a hard worker, a great student, and an overachiever.
  • I had to be responsible.
  • I had to be serious.
  • I had to
…

Letting Go of Guilt About What You “Should” Be Doing

By

“Beware the bareness of a busy life.” ~Socrates

It was December 26th. The day after Christmas. Ten days after my daughter’s first birthday. I was sitting on the floor coiling Christmas lights when I began to try to stand up. Almost immediately, I sunk back down to the floor.

I was tired. I was physically tired. I was emotionally tired. Even my soul felt tired.

In that moment, I couldn’t help but wonder, how did I get here? Sitting on the family room floor after two beautiful family events—my daughter’s birthday and Christmas—and my bones, heart, and soul …

Let Go of Shoulds and Stress and Let Yourself Do Nothing

By

“When you try to control everything, you enjoy nothing. Sometimes you just need to relax, breathe, let go and live in the moment.” ~Unknown

I am a recovering doing addict. My whole life I have been committed to getting things done. I do, do, do until I can’t do no more.

I have a very clear memory of myself in college, sitting at an evening lecture. I am not paying attention at all. I am writing a huge, long to-do list on the back of a blue folder.

Things keep popping into my mind, things that must get done right …

How the Word “Should” Can be Harmful and 3 Empowering Alternatives

By

“To wish you were someone else is to waste the person you are.” ~Sven Goran Eriksson

How many times a day do you use the word “should” in reference to yourself or other people? I don’t know about you, but I used to use it a lot.

The word “should” has become a fixture in our everyday dialogue. We use it in conversation with others, as a way of motivating ourselves or keeping ourselves in check, and to express a myriad of feelings, including frustration, guilt, and regret.

As I’ve become more interested in my internal dialogue and how …

How to Enjoy the Journey More by Eliminating the Word “Should”

By

“Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are.” ~Proverb

A friend of mine once said, “If there’s a word in the English language I detest, it’s ’should.’ What a pointless, useless, waste-of-space (euphemism for other choice adjective) word.”

I think he’s right on the money. At the risk of sounding hypocritical, you should consider the definition of should, as defined by dictionary.com:

Should: must; ought (used to indicate duty, propriety, or expediency): You should not do that.

There is always something we feel we cannot and should not do for fear of humiliation, regret, having …