okay, i know its not the end of the world but i feel im losing an opportunity and that ill never be in love agin or nobody will ever love me again, it hurts really bad i wish i could just stop the feelng entirly, i feel like im moving on while still kinda being with him. i feel free knowing we rent together and feel like the handcuffs of anxiety and ear have been cut lose. but then theres the sde that tells me im making a mistake and i know that he isnt immature so he doesnt let the relationship control his whole life, so when it ends hell continue his life and be happy that im happy, but i now that ill be stuck thinking that i made a mistake, and get super depressed, thats why werekinda inbetween being together and not, because thats what my thoughts reflect exactly, anita, this isnt about me anymore, its just about making the right decision, this has been going on for so long that im beggining to think that either way that i go, il still be happy, but the feeling that  was getting, was an awful feeling, i hate that feeling, i wish  could just make it go away, this has happend to a lot of girls. so it may just be that they arent the right person for you. but i dont want to leave him and fall in love with some no god asshole. i want to be in love with the guy that treats me rught, and loves me aswell, i just want a fix, ananswer, a soulution, but i know ill only find that within myself, whuch sucks. because if i could, i wouldnt be writing to you now, this is probably the most uncertain ive ever been, im not sure what to do, when i talk to my dad he tells me the same things you do  but i still get that uncertain feeling thats taking ver my relationship, and i dont want to take time because thatll only make us grow apart. u g h. these certai thoughts have been ALL ive thought about for going on three weeks. i just want it to end. i want to be with him but not with all this uncontrollable emotion, its just making me think its not meant to be, but yeah, i dont panic anymore, i just feel this uncertain sad feeling, and your right it feels alot better than panicing, so whats the next step, give up, or dont. sorry about spelling mistakes or jumbling up my words but i just tend to do that

Dear Anita

I read something about over thinking. Which as you can probably tell by how I write… I do that A LOT. And it’s what started all of my anxiety

So for a few hours I’ve been practicing. When a bad feeling/thought about my relationship comes in, to not fight it, or ask myself to stop thinking about it, but replace that thought with a positive one. Still I am getting the bad thoughts just as much. But just learning to replace them

Do you think that with time the thoughts will gradually leave with this approach? Because I will set a trap for my mind? If that makes sense, to a point where when there’s a bad thought it will just be ignored. I know it won’t take a day or a few hours but it seems to be working.

Also that mixed with doing new things etc. I’m not sure. Let me know what you think? I see him tommorw. I got him some LED lights  and the bracelete. And for some reason I’m so scared to give it to him. Ahhh but I bought them for him. And I’m excited too. Anyways

I’ve been up all night. So I won’t see your reply but I know it will help me in some way! You’re an amazing person and i see you gain from helping other people with your wisdom I appreachiate you especially since I don’t have my mom to talk to. And my dad doesn’t always understand, lol  talk to you then.

Lisa

Dear Anita

Yes I just woke… And okay, here you go..

1.I feel free when we AREN’T. Together… I misspelled, but like i said sometimes it’s a freeing feeling other times it’s a really sad feeling that we aren’t together, but him and I aren’t together or not together so I’m in the middle.

2. Yes it’s the same as the uncontrollable emotion. It’s an intruding thought that makes me not want to be with him. But there’s also a side of me that can’t be without him.

3.and to describe the awful feeling. Well it used to be just a thought In my head. That didn’t want to go near him or be around him. And always wanting to go home. It was paired with sweating, shaking, crying, not eating,or sleeping. And getting knots in my stomach. (This is what stage i was at when we first spoke.) But it has faded Into Less stress and anger and fear to more confusion and sadness and just wanting the feeling to go away so I can be with him. I tried my best to explain…

4. And an example ? Hmm well I often think he’ll leave me for someone better. So instead of running with that thought and creating scenarios in my head. I’ll just realize, he’s with me for a reason. And I’m causing unnecessary stress for myself.

Anita I didn’t know love was supposed to be this hard. It’s not like this when Im with him but when in without him my mind is always racing looking for solutions. While for him. It’s so easy. Because he loves me. And that scares me.

-lisa:((

That I am going to hurt him. Or maybe don’t love him the same..

I wouldn’t say my mom. I would say my ex boyfriend. I gave him everything and he gave me nothing and I was depressed for years. I only got over it a year ago. And I still think about everything he did to me. He was my first love. And even though he treated me like shit I still gave him everything because I was so blinded by love. And now, yes I’m terrified that I am that person to my boyfriend now and I’m going to do what my wx did to me

Yes you are right my dad did say the same thing to me. And that’s another thing I have to keep in mind. I hope everything I’m working on is worth it and we stay together because. I do all of this just for the good feeling I have. But im scared that as soon as I see him. All the bad ones will come back. Ohmy I’m so stressed. Out

Okay im about to watch a movie. And I’ll th ink about what im going to say. I’ve never really gully gotten it out before.