I think the Ruminant offers good advice. The person we are today is a product of our experiences yesterday. People say “live and learn” but exactly what did you learn? I think the lessons we learn about ourselves are more important than the lessons we learn about others.

I like you had intense ruminating thoughts about my breakup. I analyzed every moment, every time I should have said you look beautiful, or I love you, or attempted to be more understanding or be the bigger person and I didnt. I eventually started looking at the bigger picture of the over all dysfunction of that relationship. I finally forgave myself in that, even if I had done all the things I didnt do. I couldnt help my ex solve the problems he brought into the relationship, as I didnt cause them, I cant change them, or control them. That is his job not mine.

I began to look at my actions and take responsibility for my part. I realized the relationship as a whole wasnt a complete waste of time or failure because it was an opportunity to see more of who I am and what I am capable of. Some things I liked about myself and some things I do not. I hope this opportunity to examine myself will help in my next relationship. Which might be with someone Im better suited with. I wouldnt want to make the same mistakes twice.

Rumination is hard, especially when they are negative thoughts. I suppose instead of using your energy to stop them. Simply redirect them to mean something positive. Like “I wouldnt be the person I am today without these experiences” or “It was necessary for my growth” I think what negative feelings we still have are simply from loneliness. For me I miss the companionship and the bond I felt to him the most. However, Im working on my relationship with myself, and know once I get me where I need to be, I will be better for someone else, and I will have that again one day.

Dont get me wrong I still miss my ex very much. I love him and accepted him for all his flaws and faults. I will never forget his smile, and the adorable little noise he made when he thought something was cute. However, I try to be appreciative for what time we had together, and understand he gave me an opportunity to learn more about myself. In hopes what bad I experienced wont have been in vain, and will only me a stronger healthier person moving forward.

Hi Sandy, I can empathise.Please note that I have not really read what others have written but I hope to offer you a fresh perspective. A break up is a big thing and for you the time post break up has been a period of tremendous growth as well as an extremely long process. For you the advice I can give you is that you know what works for you – you know that you have to keep yourself busy and dare I suggest it but you must continue to keep on doing what serves you best. Life is also about continuous activity so in fact post your break up, you have actually led life the way it is supposed to be led, by keeping yourself busy, by keeping your mind occupied so that as you say your tendency to think obsessive thoughts does not overcome you. I also have most recently asked myself this question but in a different way – is life always only about keeping yourself busy and the answer I have come up with regard to this question is yes for this is the only way you have a chance to live your purpose so as to benefit others and indirectly yourself. Many have lived for others or so they think but in fact if they lived for others, somehow, somehow their own purpose was being fulfilled by helping out others. My point from this last sentence is to emphasise the fact that if you think keeping yourself busy is only helping you, you may be wrong as you keeping busy may be helping others, sometimes by just your presence. Life sometimes does not always provide answers but to this question about you finding yourself always trying to keep busy is a simple one to answer and the answer is yes, as life is about continuous change, you have no other option but to move along with it, which in your case manifests by keeping yourself busy. I hope this helps and a little background about how I can empathise is the fact that I too have gone through a lot of growth in an on-off relationship with someone and I feel the growth has allowed me to question a lot of my beliefs which have been embedded in me during my upbringing and so on and I am most grateful for the growth that I have experienced. So on that note, I would like to say is that as you have preserved in your self-growth process, I urge you to continue to allow yourself to grow and to keep your doubts about keeping yourself busy as being the only way to move on from your break up as a mystery of life as I believe keeping busy is sometimes the solution (for many situations) because it just is!