Dear Addy:

“Is this fear of missing out, or something else?”- I think it is fear, all  kinds of fears: of missing out, of not being good-enough or qualified enough to succeed, of life perhaps being too complicated to handle.

Self-confidence: a feeling of trust in your abilities and judgment, believing in your inherent worth: that inherently, you are not inferior to anyone.

How is your self-confidence?

anita

Dear Addy:

It’s a sunny Sunday here, so that feels nice, thank you!

“I don’t I trust myself very highly because I feel what if things go this way instead of this?  and also, I have hard time trusting other people as well“- trusting yourself is not about trusting future events and it is not about trusting other people. It is about trusting that you will adequately know (not perfectly and not without making mistakes) how to act and react to different unfortunate events and to the untrustworthy and/ or disappointing people in your life.

“thanks to meditation and mindfulness practice I’m getting lot better“- keep doing what works: keep meditating and practicing mindfulness.

“I do have positive view of myself…I’m very rational… communicate assertively..“- all good things!

“I just wanna feel like I’m making a good progress tbh“- understandable!

“‘believing in your inherent worth: that inherently, you are not inferior to anyone.’ I think I do believe in my worth but still have to work. I don’t compare myself to others like before though“- if you want to, you are welcome to elaborate on this, and if you wish, on the first paragraph of this post.

(I will soon be away from the computer for a few hours).

anita

Dear Addy:

My weekend was fine, thank you. I didn’t see your post before my last reply to you so I will respond to what you shared there as well as to your most recent post:

“I’m trying to upskill myself. Both Tech skills and soft skills“- from indeed. com/ career advice: “Unlike technical skills or ‘hard’ skills, soft skills are interpersonal and behavioral skills that help you work well with other people and develop your career… Soft skills include innate personality traits and abilities that can be learned. Here are key soft skills and how they can help during the job search:

“Communication… The ability to communicate involves knowing how you should speak to others in different situations or settings… Finding a way to tactfully and skillfully disagree with others on the job without creating conflict is an important skill that employers value…Related communication skills: Active listening, Confidence, Conflict resolution, Negotiation, Public speaking, Writing, Nonverbal communication, Empathy.

“Problem solving… Related problem solving skills: Creativity, Research, Risk management, Team work, Critical thinking, Analysis, Decision making, Resourcefulness, Troubleshooting”, and more.

* Maybe I can help you a bit by giving you my feedback on what appears to me as your use of soft skills in this thread: (1)  “Hola Everyone!“, opening of your original post, (2) “Dear Anita: I hope you’re having great Sunday morning” opening of your 2nd post, (3) “Dear Anita, How was your weekend?“, opening of your 4th post, as well as other uses of soft skills I may be able to detect. Would you like that?

“I’m intimidated with some people how much talent and success they have in the same area“- imagine those other people being intimidated by people who have even more talent and success than they do. There is always someone who does something better: no one stays #1 for long. Remember this and have humility and compassion for yourself (and for others) for feeling intimidated by others’ talent and success.

“I do need to see the good progress that I am making so I can build up my confidence“- focus on the progress you make every day, and build on that progress the next day. This way you focus on your hard and soft skills as relative quantities: you are more skilled today than yesterday, less skilled than you would be next week; you are more skilled than some people, less skilled than others.

“About believing in your inherent worth I think more or less has to do with my Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN)…  So I’ve dealt with very Low self-esteem, self-compassion and self-confidence but I think it’s lot better than before“- bingo! You compared your self-esteem, compassion and confidence with how it was before, focusing on your progress, excellent!

“(I) got really anxious, chosen wrong college course…I’m living on my own since 16 years of age… It was a bad decision to start profession journey without bachelors’ I realized that so I started my bachelor’s as a distance student and full-time job… But still they (Also me) want a good stability at this age which I’m not there yet. Even though I should be and I’m trying. Maybe that’s why I’m not feeling my worth?“-

– you are doing the best you can, Addy, considering that you were emotionally neglected growing up (and that you’ve been living on your own since the age of 16).

If your parents were adequately attentive to your emotional needs, you’d be more likely to make better decisions and financially provide for them earlier than later. Your current inability to provide for them is the consequence of your parents’ significant to severe emotional inattentiveness.

“like lot of people my parents didn’t knew my emotional needs and they did what they thought is right for me. They just wanted to protect me“-

– unfortunately, consequences don’t care about reasons and intents: a child gets hurt in certain ways because of parents’ behaviors regardless of the parents’ intent or  ignorance vs. knowledge/ education. Think of it this way, if you will: when you drop a piece of glass to the floor, it breaks regardless of your intent (dropping the glass on purpose or by accident), and regardless of your ignorance vs knowledge/ education (knowing or not that this particular glass will break if dropped to the floor).

anita

Feels like Time is passing too fast

“Time is what prevents everything from happening at once.” – Einstein
“Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.” – Einstein

This is only aside and likely not helpful. Our experience of time colors our world but what is it.
We tend to experience time objectively – ego consciousness, linear – a something that prevents everything from happening at once.

Subjectively,  the past, present and future can happen all at once. Experience filtered through our past,  what we think we know, and our hopes/fear for the future. We measure and compare the present moment based on the past and hopes/fears of what might happen next.

To say then that Time is passing to fast begs the question, where are you? Time cannot be separated from space. Are you accurately measuring your objective experience of time or are you measuring time as feeling and or expectation.
Its good to have goals and to work towards them which may include a time line. But if your going to measure out a time line its best to be be clear about them. To take ownership of it or you will easily slide into the subjective experience of time, a feeling, of shoulds, if only , what if’s, that we usually don’t take the time to answer. A exercise that serves no purpose other then making us feel as if we are failing.