Anita, Hi again,

The other thing that hurts me is that – the last day when we met (the day I went to see him for the last time) we were in the same cab and  he got off before me. other days before he gets down he gives me a kiss on my forehead or cheeks. but that particular day he didn’t so I asked him if I can kiss him on his cheek or forehead but he got disturbed and said no no and got off and walked out.

He knew in his heart that it would be our last meet though he pretended me that he would try to sort out something with his parents. However he was so rude and walked out as if I never mattered to him at any cost. at least he could have given me a goodbye kiss to console me. Maybe He didn’t let me even kiss him bcoz he didn’t want me to have any hopes.

but that last incident hurts me a lot. when I think the way he walked out its so heart breaking, As if I never mattered to him at all. That pic flashes into my face all the time. please tell me how to get away with it.

Hi Again,

Yes he wouldn’t have said Good bye to me coz he was full of guilt. Though he pretended it was a proposal from home he never thought I would find out that this is a girl whom he got to know by himself and has been associating with her while I was with him. He introduced her to his parents checked their Horoscopes it matched. once everything is finalized that’s where he decided to tell me and told me its a proposal from home. I have no choice to do it. I still love you but I’m doing this to my parents. How could he back stab me after 7 years.

if it was genuinely a proposal from his home I would have let go and I woont be suffering so much. or else he could have told me about this girl earlier. He just blind fooled me. He knows my age he knows my plight he knows how difficult it is for me to move on with someone else but still he didn’t care.

Also Anita its so difficult for me to delete all his memories..messages, emails etc. I feel so sad to do it. This is a person whom I loved so much and I’m finding difficult to say Goodbye to all of his memories.

I cant help myself crying everyday the times that I cry is countless I’m unable to work I keep tearing every single moment and I run to the wash room and burst out all my tears. How long can I do this to myself. Everytime I try to make up my mind its so difficult.

Also what I’ve learnt from life is to give priority to myself coz I always sacrificed loads of things to the people I care. My siblings  are very supportive in my situation and keeps in touch with me. However I feel no matter what…they have their own priorities in life before me. So the day I lose my mother I know I will be lonely in this world.. She’s there for me now and she’s my strength.

I have really become close to my GOD coz right now hes the only person I could talk to. if I was a Buddhist or Christian I feel I would have been a nun and I don’t find anything interesting in this world. but unfortunately I cannot do that in my religion.

I don’t know how my future would hold. I’m quite stable but I went through lot of obstacles in life to gain my stability even in the past.

its sad to hear about your story ‘I wasted not only my thirties but much of my twenties before that and my forties’ I really don’t know what u had to go through in life and if you wish you can share it with me.

Hi Anita, Yes that what I am sad of its not a proposal which came from his parents. This is a person who he was been chatting while I was abroad during April. and he decided that she is his life partner just in 4-5 months.  Anyways today I was feeling very bad as I cried so many times then in the evening something stuck me and I thought I will write a email to him with all my feelings as how he made me feel and how he betrayed. I wrote a lengthy email and it was time to leave office so I didn’t want to send it coz he wouldn’t be able read today anyways instead I sent the email to myself thinking I will fwd it to him after the weekend.

And Anita after typing that email I felt so good and I felt a big relief as I have put all my emotions into that. I came home n I feel normal and i even had my meals properly coz all these days i have been starving.

however now though i feel good about the email I’m still trying to figure out if i am to send it or not. what do think about it? any thougghts? sometimes i feel by sending the email he will feel have no value of me. If be quiet that’s where he will think of me someday. So i was wondering if its worth to send coz he has already deceided  so my email will not make any changes and why should i have to make him bad or blame him. He himself will realize it one day.

And I’m so sad to hear about your story and i understand how you feel. I hope i haven’t disturbed you by dragging you  to your past.

By the way how old are u Anita and what about your family – I don’t know if I’m right or wrong to keep asking your personal details but you have been so nice to me and i would like to know u for some extent coz you have helped me a lot with your kind advice and kind words. I really appreciate it.

Hi Michelle,

I was so sad to hear your story –  ‘I never meant anything to him at all, that we weren’t even seeing each other’ This kind of statement is quite harsh and i can imagine how you felt that time. Men are so selfish. They first gain the trust andonce you trust them blindly they react totally the opposite way without giving us a clue.

I hope you have recovered by now. You do deserve much better.

Yes I am not sending that email – after going thru the responses that I received from you and Anita, I  really thought about it and yes I agree with you  both. Your words and kind advises really did help me.

Thank you Michelle its so kind of you to suggest the online Friend thing  and of course I would love to coz how can I miss any chance to not have any contacts with such wonderful people like You and Anita.

Hope to hear from you on same,

Risha

Thanks Anita, but again I’m feeling so down. how can a person who loved me so much change his mind so quickly. How can he love someone else so quickly how can he change his feelings towards someone else so quickly. i can never do that Anita it will take a long time for me to forget him. No matter what he did to me it will take a very long time. I can never chat like or love someone so quickly.

he was the one who gave me so much hopes and he built up so much trust. I cant imagine that he’s loving someone else. how much i tried to push him away but he dragged me so far and so long and left me with no clue. Can someone do this to someone who loves so much.

Sometimes I have mix feelings. I myself fool myself thinking he cannot love anyone else no matter what he still loves and thinks of me. Sometimes I blame myself and think he did this to me bcoz of this reason. Sometimes I hate me, sometimes iI hate him, sometimes I feel sorry for him. but I’m also so sad about myself as why I am still feeling this way towards this guy. what has he done to me.

Day by day I have become weak mentally and physically. I have lost so much weight for the last one week. I seriously look awful now. I want myself back this is not me I was never this way. I cant imagine I’m experiencing this in my late thirties.

No matter how many people are around i feel so lonely lost. Sometimes i want to go somewhere far away and shut myself.

Yes Anita it is hurting. I have deactivated all my social networks for the last two weeks however today i checked his profile thru one of my friends account and since all his posts are public i saw a latest post done yesterday captioned as weekend trip with friends he has uploaded few pics alone though the caption says ‘Friends’ only he was posing. I know who his friends are and non of them were tagged. So friends meaning should be this new girl. He looks happy and enjoying. I was so shocked to see his behaviour its fine he left me and hurt me but on top of that he had to post these things? If he really cared for me how could he still keep hurting me. Our official breakup was last monday and on saturday he is enjoying a trip with his so-called secret friends. Cant imagine i was in love with a such person. All my siblings are on his profile didnt he realize how they would feel.

Right now my mind is blank. I know hes gone forever but the way he ended uo things and the way hes hurting me is unbelievable

Yes Anita I do feel that he’s hurting me or else he simply don’t care just doing his own stuff.

But what were you trying to say? Isn’t that what you think?