April 6, 2020 at 12:39 pm #347976
This happening, when certain thoughts and images pay over and over in one’s mind is what being stuck is about; having the same old-same-old thoughts and images repeating. Moving on, would be having new thoughts and new images taking, break away from being stuck on Repeat.
I was wondering, you mentioned a back injury and going through menopause: how badly injured is your back, and how mild or severe are your menopause symptoms?
anitaApril 7, 2020 at 5:02 am #348070
My back I have two slipped discs which is very painful I have steroid injections that help but get very bad flare up sometimes I can’t walk due to sciatica. The Menopause omg it’s nasty boy flushes feeling fogging and very hormonal all the time
It’s very very hardApril 7, 2020 at 6:21 am #348080
The Mayo clinic website says about slipped (herniated) discs: “Most herniated disks occur in the lower back, although they can also occur in the neck.. If your herniated disk is in your lower back, you’ll typically feel the most pain in your buttocks, thigh and calf.. If your herniated disk is in your neck, you’ll typically feel the most pain in your shoulder and arm… Pain is often described as sharp or burning”- your herniated discs must be in your lower back then because you mentioned sciatica (the italicized). It reads: “Disk herniation is most often the result of a gradual, aging-related wear and tear called disk degeneration. As you age, your disks become less flexible and more prone to tearing or rupturing with even a minor strain or twist… Sometimes, using your back muscles instead of your leg and thigh muscles to lift heavy objects can lead to a herniated disk, as can twisting and turning while lifting. Rarely, a traumatic event such as a fall or a blow to the back is the cause”. Risk factors: excess body weight which causes extra stress on the disks in the lower back, physically demanding jobs (repetitive lifting, pulling, pushing, bending sideways and twisting), genetics and smoking.
Well, CB, while we are all fear the coronavirus, a herniated disk, a non-viral problem, is scary enough, a mild case of Covid-19 is way, way preferable to a moderate case of a herniated disk. I need to be careful about lifting objects, twisting, etc.
About your partner of a quarter of a century, that’s a different kind of pain, an addition to the herniated disk and the unpleasant symptoms of menopause. Do your best to alleviate each and every kind of pain that you are experiencing!
anitaApril 8, 2020 at 1:18 pm #348292
So sad my mother in law passed away today
My ex didn’t call his sister did I am completely devastated I loved this women for many years he couldn’t even call me or text I can’t believe he could be so cold. He called our son
My God we were together for such long time how can he just walk away and be so cold
Really strugglingApril 8, 2020 at 1:26 pm #348296
I am sorry that you didn’t get to say goodbye to this woman whom you loved so much.
If your very-ex partner did call you to let you know, it wouldn’t have made a difference to the fact that she indeed passed away, and you (or anyone she knew) were not able to be with her in-person during the last hours and days of her life.
“how can he just walk away and be so cold”- before you can answer the how, you have to accept the fact that he did walk away and that he is cold with you. First understand, thoroughly understand, that he indeed walked away and that (it seems like), he is very unlikely to come back to you.
For now, for today- take it easy. Take a hot bath, and listen to your favorite music, take a walk outside (as you should ever day, as long as it’s safe), and post here anytime.
April 10, 2020 at 1:31 pm #348694
- This reply was modified 1 month, 3 weeks ago by anita.
Last few days have been so hard so ex has all of sudden decided he want to call and text and talk as he’s lost his Mum and not couping he did not call when it happend
I’m so torn as I feel I need to be there for him I loved mum in law so much and my son needs his dad at this time he’s finding it hard. Never lost anyone before
He’s pulling at my heart strings as m still very much in love with this man but he’s only in contact due to his loss has not changed the situation with us but wants me to be there for him so so hardApril 10, 2020 at 1:58 pm #348710
When he was your partner, he was entitled to your emotional support. If he was your friend, he would be entitled to your emotional support. But he is no longer your partner, and he hasn’t been a friend to you, from what you shared. Therefore he is not entitled.
Because he hasn’t been your friend, I can understand your difficulty being his friend at this time. It is up to you, your choice if to give him the time and support that he wants from you.
If you think that maybe he will be back to you, if you support him, keep in mind that it may not be the case, keep it in mind, so that you don’t get terribly disappointed.
anitaApril 10, 2020 at 11:17 pm #348784
I am under no illusions he’s not coming back he gone and I suspect in his mind been gone. while
He will come into a large sum of money due to his mum’s death I could hear his talking to ok son Boy possible places he can buy a new home
How selfish we were together 27 years and last 4 have supported him financially since left not paid a penny to me and living with his sister not paying a penny omg I t do not recognize this .man
I offer my support as I loved mum in so much and felt for myself I needed to do it
And it’s alwAys made me see it’s done after the funeral I go back to no contact in short term I need to protect myselfApril 11, 2020 at 6:53 am #348816
The house where you currently live with your 20 year old son- is this house going to be sold, and if so, where will you be living (and will your son live with you or with this father)?
anitaApril 11, 2020 at 9:29 am #348828
Hi yes our family home to be sold where me and my son live in trying to so finances out to stay with my son and buy ex out
But his Mum passed and he’s about to come into large sum money so he’s ok I hoping he wont push me out to enable me to stay in house
My son will stay with me whatever happenedsApril 11, 2020 at 9:38 am #348832
If you are comfortable in the house where you live, you shouldn’t move out to a lesser comfortable place so to accommodate him. He chose to leave you, even though you didn’t abuse him or posed any danger to him, so he shouldn’t inconvenience you and his son, is my point.
anitaApril 11, 2020 at 11:43 pm #348934
Oh I can stay as long as I buy him out
He’s never been money minded in the whole of our relationship and now he’s asking me to get a big mortgage on my own to pay him off even when he’s going to inherit a large some of money
I can’t believe him I cared and was his mum’s rock as he works long hours did everything for her and now he’s walked away and going to benefit from all her hard work
I didn’t think I could feel shocked again after what has happened but this has floored meApril 12, 2020 at 5:48 am #348970
I asked you earlier if you have legal rights having been his live-in partner for so many years, similar to the legal rights of a wife, but you said there are none such rights where you live. Are you sure that there is no agency or a legal resource where you live, for you to hire an attorney or the like, so that what happens financially is not up to him, and him alone?
anitaApril 12, 2020 at 10:29 am #348998
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The only joint asset is our home we have agreed split equity 50 50 so that’s all done I just need to secure a mortgage
But his Mum passing has given him financial security I will not benefit as we are separated but he still wants his equity
After 27 years caring for him and his Mum in surprise it’s gone this wayApril 12, 2020 at 10:51 am #349002
I don’t know how many months or years of daily hard work you put in physically taking care of his mother (and father), without pay, without any financial benefit to you. If you spend years of labor physically caring for his mother, it would have been fair if she left you a sizeable amount of money or property in a will.
“After 27 years caring for him and his Mum I’m surprised it’s gone this way”- our good deeds, work and labor, often don’t get rewarded. Notice, he didn’t reward you and neither did she.
What does it say to you, about his mother and about him?