Dear Beni,

good to hear from you!

I reply late, sometimes I get in to this mode where I do not reach out to people. I replied already two weeks ago and I didn’t like where ther reply came from and it took till now as it’s changing again.

You mean you wrote a reply 2 weeks ago, but never posted it? Because you felt some resentment or discomfort? You’re welcome to tell me more, if you’d like to…

Maybe you feel comfortable to reply this question: ‘What do you imagine happens when you meet your career goal and how do you know you met it?’

Hmm, I’ll have a sense of accomplishment of something that is important to me. You know the Maslow hierarchy of needs? I feel accomplishing this goal would meet my need for self-realization. Maybe I am wrong, but this is how I feel 🙂

And I’ll know that I’ve met it, because there are some concrete milestones I’d like to achieve…

I feel your’re right it feels different. Two weeks a go I thought it’s the same. It feels rather like speaking to a person and praying doesn’t feel like talking to anyone or thing

Oh interesting… so praying for you feels like not talking to anyone, whereas speaking to your inner child feels like talking to someone?

I forgot to pray lately, I think when I come out of the energy that there needs to be change, that there is something wrong or missing rather than I whish this and this happens and not beeing attached to the outcome it feels natural. There’s much patience endurance involved and sometimes I doubt it.

You mean that when you pray for something, you feel you’re attached to the outcome? And it gives you a feeling that something is wrong or missing in how things are right now? And when you let go of that attachment, when you just patiently wait and trust that it will happen, then it does happen eventually?

Makes sense how can we reach a goal when wo do not move in it’s direction taking the steps, we need to be very clear what our goals are and why we need it.

Yeah, for me it’s important to know why I am doing something, i.e. it’s important to me that it is aligned with my true self and my true desires (and not someone else’s wishes, or something that I feel forced to do.)

This kinda triggers me cause I struggle to take action mucho. I do not know how so I patiently wait and things work out too and I take action too it is just is so slow.

Let me see if I understood you correctly: so your experience is that when you patiently wait, things work out by themselves? And so you’re not motivated to take action?

Can you give me an example (if you feel comfortable) of a situation where things just worked out by themselves, without you needing to take any action?

*correction: it started hurting for no apparent reason

Dear Beni

If someone does not reply on a forum or the phone within a time it’s easy to feel rejected. It’s already special for our systems to communicate without seeing or hearing.  and yet you say feel pressurized by what you perceive as others expectations of you. Each of us has their own timescale/speed that also changes from circumstances/perception.

This was shown clearly to me today & I had to laugh at myself or rather my ego’s hypocrisy. I take my father out for a drive nearly everyday and he gets anxious if I drive faster than he likes, so we normally do 20mph, today we were behind two others cars and I felt impatience arise until I looked at the speedo we were doing 20mph! even as I was writing this the words dawdle and stuck came into my  mental narrative ha ha ego trying once again to cause suffering even when retelling such a minor story.

Hope you are having a good weekend

Hi Beni,

Thanks, I need to hear this over and over.

You are welcome! You are welcome to take your time and reply at your own pace, as you feel the impulse from within.

Mhh, I wonder I actually am sick once a month an now since 3 weeks. Feeling exhausted, last week rather stiff, ill and headache this week more a cold, less dizzy.

Oh… so you’re usually sick once a month with similar symptoms? But now it’s been lasting for 3 weeks, with symptoms ranging from exhaustion, feeling cold, feeling stiff, headaches etc. Sorry about that :/

Could be that your immune system is out of whack. Have you seen a doctor, or you already know this state, so it’s not something to seek help for?

Do I get you right, you put more stress on your back like exercise and now it started hurting?

No, I haven’t actually exercised more vigorously, I haven’t done anything to cause it.

Maybe it is something like a flashback and you are more resilient and stable than you think.

Actually I’ve been examining myself, and it could be psycho-somatic (I always seek possible mental causes of physical symptoms). So I kind of know what might be causing it.

So yeah, you’re right, it’s probably not physical worsening (hopefully!), but more like a signal of something that I am not doing right in my life, a signal of a limitation of mine. And now it’s time to start addressing it.

Is it rather that you wanna see yourself in a certain role in life doing a certain action to validate your existence?

No, it’s not to validate my existence. I had that phase some years ago 🙂 At the time I thought I am not worthy, that my life has no importance, and that I can only make my life worthy if I do something that can help other people. I thought that would “validate” my existence.

Since then I’ve realized that I am worthy just because I exist, simply by having been born, and I don’t need to do anything to prove my worth. However, I still have the need for achievement – not to prove myself to anybody, but to share my gifts and talents – to simply “shine my light” in a more deliberate way, if you will. So it’s kind of the need for self-expression and self-realization in one, you might say 🙂

Yes, that’s it. Thanks for trying.

Okay, let me repeat it here again: you don’t know what your contribution (to the world) should be, and you want to pray for clarity on that.

My comment to that: how about listening within to what you want to offer to the world, rather than listening “without” (to a higher power to tell you)?

If someone does not reply on a forum or the phone within a time it’s easy to feel rejected. … And I noticed that for me it’s hard to accept that my action is maybe not the cause but reminds a person at her vulnerability. My system sees danger if I do not take action I can get into ambivalence then.

It can be painful to not do things. I feel helpless. It’s hard for me to let people wait.

It sounds like if you don’t do things others expect from you (or you believe they expect), you fear that the person might feel rejected, and it causes you pain. And you feel helpless because you don’t want to hurt them, but at the same time, you don’t want to do it either. So you are conflicted. You feel ambivalence, and perhaps you freeze in that neither-nor state, not wanting to do it, but not able to reject it either. Am I interpreting this right?

Thanks for asking Tee. Yes I do things in my pace, time and feel. It is like being a child and I think I need this type of space to flourish.

It sounds like a healthy thing: to allow yourself time and space to flourish, not judging yourself, not rushing yourself, but being like a good parent, or a good friend, to yourself.

Hey Beni,

glad you’re doing better!

Haha, I do the same with the physical symptoms. Sounds like you’re confident and hands on about this!

Yeah, I believe in the mind-body unity, and I’ve practiced this approach since long ago. And it really helps because it gives me  some sense of control and the ability to impact things. It’s not like my body is against me, but it’s more like my body is trying to tell me something…

Juhuu, feels good to read that. Reminds me at Gabor Maté I heard him say last week. Asking yourself if you’re good enough is the wrong question. Do you ask yourself if a tree is good enough or a Mounatin

Yeah, we are all inherently good enough and worthy. But we were made to believe we are not…

Is it a way of giving love?

Yes, you could say that. It does come from my heart and I believe in it.

I belief in the way things are and so far haven’t met a higher power. It can be frustrating to know things you’d like to do and not being able to do them. I think praying can really help me to be an antidote to feeling helpless. Then I can pray for finding way’s to do what I want to do with joy. To overcome my obstacles in times of despair.

Okay, it seems you do know what you’d like to do, but you feel unable to do it. (It can be frustrating to know things you’d like to do and not being able to do them.)

Because in your previous post you confirmed this understanding of mine: you don’t know what your contribution (to the world) should be, and you want to pray for clarity on that.

But it seems that you do know what you’d like to do (i.e. what your contribution should be), but you feel unable to do it? Or you feel no joy in doing it? (Then I can pray for finding way’s to do what I want to do with joy.) Oh perhaps you feel a certain obligation to do some acts of service, to serve the world in some way, but you feel no joy in doing that? Please help me understand because it’s not quite clear to me…

Thanks for sharing this observation. What you write is very close to how I feel. Yeah, this impulse confuses me and it is a challenge to bear. What I do is to let go which takes some time and control.

You are welcome, Beni. Okay, if that’s how you feel, perhaps it is related to the above: feeling a certain obligation or pressure to do something grand and noble (to serve the world in some manner), but not feeling joy in doing that? Again, I apologize in advance if I am misunderstanding it.

It feels good to read that

Happy to hear that 🙂