Dear Lea:

Please relax best you can, maybe a hot shower or a bath will help, a hot cup of tea, a walk outside. Do your best to not be angry at yourself, calling yourself lazy etc. It is very important that you to think positive, kind thoughts about yourself, not negative and harsh. I will add to this in about 11 hours from now.

anita

Dear Lea:

“I’m so stupid…. I know I’m a lazy butt” – don’t refer to yourself in these negative, unkind ways. It reminds me of what you shared earlier: “I let people call me names and underestimate me all the time and just sit there nodding” – it is time to stop letting people call you names and underestimate you, and it is time for you to stop doing these two things to yourself!

“I hate this about myself. To the point I just want to yell and scream… Occasionally I’m so angry at myself sometimes I just want to hurt myself” – time for you to stop hating (any part of) yourself! And help yourself, don’t hurt yourself.

“I tried working in silence, I’ve tried classical music… I’ve tried time limits… I tried scheduling, I tried lists… I tried rewarding myself with a piece of chocolate…  I tried meditation… I’ve tried exercising more, I walk 5km at least a day…  I’ve tried every diet you can imagine… Somehow, I my grades are amazing” – congratulations for getting amazing grades and for trying all these things: you are resourceful, creative and intelligent! Clearly all these things that you tried are working for you; not all the time and not completely, but they are working for you, nonetheless.

“I feel like I’ve tried EVERYTHING!” – did you try never (!) calling yourself names and underestimating yourself?

“My parents don’t believe in adhd and especially don’t think medication can help” – the diagnosis of ADHD and the symptoms listed in this diagnosis exist without your parents’ belief and support.

“It took a lot of convincing to get my mom to book me a doctor’s appointment for it, but it isn’t until early September” – congratulations for successfully convincing your mother to book you an appointment, another success on your part!

What is to follow is what I read about ADHD from Wikipedia.  I have suffered, and still do, from ADHD since early childhood. From a certain age onward, I’d say that my case has been primarily inattentive (ADHD-PI). As I type the following, I will be thinking about how it applies to me, and how it applies to you. It will be long and include many terms, please don’t feel any pressure to focus and understand all that follows (all quotes are from Wikipedia unless stated otherwise):

“The symptoms of ADHD arise from a deficiency in certain executive functions”. Executive functions are “a set of cognitive processes that are necessary for the cognitive control of behavior: selecting and successfully monitoring behaviors that facilitate the attainment of chosen goals”.

Basic Executive Functions include (1) attention control which refers to an individual’s capacity to choose what they pay attention to and what they ignore… In lay terms, attentional control can be described as an individual’s ability to concentrate”, (2) inhibitory control is the ability to inhibit impulsive behaviors and select instead appropriate behaviors consistent with meeting goals,

(3) working memory is the ability “to hold information temporarily… working memory allows for the manipulation of stored information… Most theorists today use the concept of working memory to replace or include the older concept of short-term memory, marking a stronger emphasis on the notion of manipulating information rather than mere maintenance”,

(4) Cognitive inhibition “refers to the mind’s ability to tune out stimuli that are irrelevant to the task/process at hand or to the mind’s current state… Failures of inhibition were identified in treatment of adults with OCD”,

(5) Cognitive flexibility is “an intrinsic property of a cognitive system often associated with the mental ability to adjust its activity and content, switch between different task rules and corresponding behavioral responses, maintain multiple concepts simultaneously and shift internal attention between them.

The above are the five basic executive functions. “Higher-order executive functions require the simultaneous use of multiple basic executive functions and include planning and fluid intelligence (e.g., reasoning and problem-solving)”.

“The executive function impairments that occur in ADHD individuals result in problems with staying organized, time keeping, excessive procrastination, maintaining concentration, paying attention, ignoring distractions, regulating emotions, and remembering details… ADHD has also been associated with motivational deficits in children. Children with ADHD often find it difficult to focus on long-term over short term rewards”.

ADDitude/ Inisde the ADHD mind: “It is heartbreaking to learn that your child with attention deficit disorder (ADHD or ADD) has become the victim of a bully. And unfortunately, some children are at greater risk of being bullied because of their ADHD. An inappropriate, or impulsive remark blurted out for the entire class to hear can attract the attention of a bully. And an impulsive retort by the student with ADHD to a bully’s provocation may escalate the situation… It is possible for your child to reduce his risk of being bullied — he just needs to understand what made him a target in the first place. ADHD can inhibit a child’s understanding of social cues, so there’s a good chance he doesn’t even realize that his classmates may find his actions annoying or inappropriate. Without excusing the bully’s behavior, identify some of your child’s actions-talking too much, clowning around at inopportune times, blurting out ill-chosen remarks — that might draw negative attention.

“Explain that he can avoid problems with “low profile” behavior, such as using a quieter voice, keeping his comments brief, and staying attuned to whether others are interested in what he has to say. Teach her the importance of maintaining a balance between observing and talking and give her a signal when she’s talking too much. Jot down these strategies on an index card she can keep in her backpack and review on her way to school.”

You are welcome, Lea, to share how the above applies to you.

anita

• This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by .

Dear Lea:

You are welcome. “I know that saying bad things about myself leads to believing them- but I don’t know how to undo that” – every time you notice that you just said something unkind to yourself, or about yourself, apologize to yourself and make a mental note to not say that particular thing again.

“I’m going to try to be kinder to myself so that I can work on my tasks and try to get them done” – being kind to yourself can only help. It cannot hurt.

“Cognitive inhibition and Cognitive flexibility affect me the most” –

study. com/ What is cognitive inhibition? “Whether or not you know it, cognitive inhibition is something you use on a regular basis in order to complete tasks, meet goals, understand others, and communicate. In order to understand cognitive inhibition, let’s start with an example.

“Sarah and Paula are roommates who have a big psychology exam tomorrow. Sarah spends her day going over the material and goes to bed early in order to be well-rested the next morning. Paula tries to study, but instead keeps getting distracted and spends a lot of time checking her emails and social media. Once it’s time for her to go to bed she has trouble falling asleep because she can’t tune out the sounds outside of her window or stop thinking about the test. Which of these women is better at using cognitive inhibition? If you guessed Sarah, you are right.

“Cognitive inhibition is the blocking out or tuning out of information that is irrelevant to the task or focus at hand. This mental process can be intentional or unintentional and can manifest itself in a variety of ways.

“Sarah was able to block out stimuli that were not relevant to her task at hand (studying) or her goal (doing well on the test). While Paula resorted to checking Facebook during times she was struggling with the material, Sarah was able to suppress this response. After a long day of studying, Sarah felt prepared for the test and was also able to block out any sounds in order to fall asleep”.

Notice it says that cognitive inhibition “can be intentional or unintentional” – meaning that people can intentionally block out or suppress distractions in the form of activities (e.g., checking social media), or in the form of thoughts (e.g., worrying about a test). Imagine intending or choosing to not worry about a test, and actually … not worrying!

“It’s like I’m working against myself. Everything that I do is like a constant battle… I cannot switch between tasks in a day… If I have more than one thing booked in a day I’m completely overwhelmed… I can’t do anything else besides that thing that is booked… I can only focus on one subject each day because if I switch between them my brain just can’t” – what you described here is the lack of adequate cognitive flexibility. Try to work with this lack whenever possible by not forcing yourself to shift from one task to another. Instead work on one task at a time, then rest, then start a different task, or find another way or ways that are working for you (not against you), ways that minimize that “constant battle” for you, a battle that exhausts you so much.

“I don’t find myself hyper active… I also don’t find myself blurting out things like I used to when I was little” – there is improvement then.. I wonder what the next improvement will be?!

anita

Dear Lea:

You expressed your appreciation very well, and you are welcome. Post anytime you feel the need to post, and I will reply.

anita