Hugs Anita,

Thank  you for your reply.  I am in bed – yes it is afternoon here. I am tired, but too anxious to sleep.  I am very stressed about the medication error.

Whilst it isn’t an error either of them could die from or even require hospitalization, all medication errors are considered serious, and I could be stood down over this error. There is likely to be official action over it.

My managers will be very unhappy about it, and I could be moved out of this job – I hope not sacked.

I do have 4 weeks leave owing to me.  I hope to God I don’t have to look for another job.  I am not working eligible for a pension for another 5 years, and wouldn’t manage financially.

I feel very embarrassed and ashamed about this too.

I am just hanging in doing these hours. Last night was my 3rd sleepover in 7 days. As well, last week, I worked 2 x 12 hour shifts and have another 12 hour shift on Monday.  I will be 63 at the end of this week year.  I see many people retiring at my age, and I’m working harder than I have ever had to.  Not much time for relaxation, and I’ve forgotten what fun is.  I feel like I’m constantly having to jump through hoops with work and, in the past, with study.

Im so tired, but feel I can’t stop because I need the money.  I have a mortgage on my home.  I can’t simply stop work.  I wouldn’t even be eligible for an unemployment benefit if I did.

I’m dreading facing the music, but of course I have to.  It will happen Monday.

Thanks so much Anita XX

I telephoned the organisations On-Call manager as the mistake happened on the weekend. She didn’t say MUCH to begin with. I told her that I had been made aware if the error, and that I was terribly sorry and that I hoped the residents are alright.  I told her I believed that I made the mistake through fatigue.

She told me that she had spoken with staff and had been surprised that it is  the practice for  staff to give medications at 6am and without a witness, as this is not a usual practice.

I told her also that I will not be able to continue ongoing in that position with the current structure if hours- too many 12 hour shifts and sleepovers. I also made her aware that some months ago, the staff at the house had requested a roster review.

She told me that it is unlikely that I will be stood down over the error, and that she needs to speak with management about how such errors can be avoided.

She said she will be speaking with me again, likely Wednesday.

I am glad that I called her today rather than just wait until tomorrow.

Thank you Anita. I hope you are enjoying your weekend. Earlier this afternoon, I took feed out to my little pony who is agisted on a farm in the next town.  Horses used to be a huge part of my life.  The 2 older ponies passed due to old age, but the remaining pony should have many years ahead.  I feel ashamed that I have not visited him more often though he is very well cared for where he is.  I took feed which will last at least a few weeks if not months.

Often when I go out there, he is his  eating, and doesn’t come when I call him.  Today, he seemed eager to see me.  I took him out for s nice walk on a lead role.  Then he was perfectly behaved while I have him a hose Dow and he seemed to enjoy it. Was very therapeutic to see him.  He was feral when I got him.  He had been in a place where there was a major bushfire and several hundred people died. He was found living with dogs, and was a regular site running across the roads. He went to A couple different homes after that, and nobody could catch him so he had terribly neglected hooves.

I’m so proud of how far he has com re.  My ponies lived with him a long time when I rented, but I could not afford t o buy acreage, hence I agisted them on a farm.  These last 2 years, being so busy, I have not seen him near ply as often as I would like. I wish he could live with me again, but can’t and he is much better off where he is.  I will try to see him more often It would be good for both of us.

I’m feeling s lot calmer now and having a rest before the heat goes down and then I will be able to mow some of this grass. Lot of rain this year’s so a lot of mowing required.

Hi Anita and thank you.  I am feeling much better though had to come home from work as I have gastro.  I don’t think I am allowed back for 2 days.  I had to test for COVID and am negative.  The man who was rude to me at work came in early to replace me, and was very nice.  I had been thinking yesterday about my black and white thinking, and can safely acknowledge to myself that whilst he can be rude to workers at times, that is an aspect of his behaviour SOMETIMES but doesn’t mean he is a horrible person.

The hospital rang me this afternoon and said my surgery is booked for Monday 28th March.

I’m just chilling out here.  Hope you are well.

Thanks very.much Anita. Yes you are right. I still have the gastro and bought some meds for it this morning so hopefully stop this afternoon.