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I Feel So Rejected By Men

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Viewing 15 posts - 61 through 75 (of 96 total)
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  • #394345
    anita
    Participant

    Dear HoneyBlossom:

    I read some of your recent post and you are indeed working too many hours. It is 3 pm your time now, Sat 3 pm. It is Friday 8 pm my time, and I am tired, about to watch the news and go to bed. Be back to you in about 10 hours from now.

    anita

    #394346
    HoneyBlossom
    Participant

    Hugs Anita,

    Thank  you for your reply.  I am in bed – yes it is afternoon here. I am tired, but too anxious to sleep.  I am very stressed about the medication error.

    Whilst it isn’t an error either of them could die from or even require hospitalization, all medication errors are considered serious, and I could be stood down over this error. There is likely to be official action over it.

    My managers will be very unhappy about it, and I could be moved out of this job – I hope not sacked.

    I do have 4 weeks leave owing to me.  I hope to God I don’t have to look for another job.  I am not working eligible for a pension for another 5 years, and wouldn’t manage financially.

    I feel very embarrassed and ashamed about this too.

    I am just hanging in doing these hours. Last night was my 3rd sleepover in 7 days. As well, last week, I worked 2 x 12 hour shifts and have another 12 hour shift on Monday.  I will be 63 at the end of this week year.  I see many people retiring at my age, and I’m working harder than I have ever had to.  Not much time for relaxation, and I’ve forgotten what fun is.  I feel like I’m constantly having to jump through hoops with work and, in the past, with study.

    Im so tired, but feel I can’t stop because I need the money.  I have a mortgage on my home.  I can’t simply stop work.  I wouldn’t even be eligible for an unemployment benefit if I did.

    I’m dreading facing the music, but of course I have to.  It will happen Monday.

    #394347
    anita
    Participant

    Dear HoneyBlossom:

    I am very tired and not focused, but I wanted to reply before I go to bed, in a few minutes: I am so sorry this has happened, the medication error. Good thing it’s not an error leading to hospitalization or death, but I understand your worry and anxiety. I wish this didn’t happen, and I hope that your manger will be understanding,  it being that you worked too many hours and understandably, people are more likely to make mistakes when working for too long! Be back to you in about 9 hours.

    anita

    #394348
    HoneyBlossom
    Participant

    Thanks so much Anita XX

    #394351
    HoneyBlossom
    Participant

    <p style=”text-align: left;”>I know that part of the reason also that I feel upset is the way a male worker spoke to me.  That was even before the medication error was found.  Most of the people at work are pleasant – good at communication and maintaining work relations.  This guy D though has upset people with the way he speaks and behaves.  Two of the women have been upset by him and one of the males who is second in charge.</p>
    For me though, this is a pattern, I become very upset by bullies and conflict, and certain this is because of my childhood and later years in a home of mental illness, alcoholism, violence and verbal abuse.

    I had been feeling good, and now feel flat on my back – not just the burn out, the humiliation and shame of the error, but by dealing with a really unpleasant person who has pressed my buttons of childhood abuse.

    I’m sorry for the ranting, but I know this is an important reason why I feel knocked of my feet after recently feeling I had been coping so well.

    There are bullies everywhere in the workforce.  Unfortunately, even in good workplaces, there would nearly always be one.  Like my relationships, I just  hadn’t been there long enough to have to deal with the negative side.

    • This reply was modified 2 months, 2 weeks ago by HoneyBlossom.
    #394355
    anita
    Participant

    Dear HoneyBlossom:

    Last week you worked two 12 hours shifts, and Friday night was your 3rd sleepover in 7 days. Saturday morning, around 6 am, while working on your own and while two clients crowding around you, one obsessively touching your hair, you gave patients their evening meds instead of their morning meds. You found out about the mistake when the co-workers (a workplace bully, rude and smug) who took over the Saturday morning shift, called to let you know about the medication error.

    At close to 63, you are not eligible for a pension for another five years, you have a mortgage to pay, and you can’t therefore retire. You see many people your age retired but you are working harder than you ever did. You are very tired and very anxious about the possibility that you might lose your job over the medication error, which in your line of work is considered a serious error.

    You wrote about the workplace bully and how he affected you: “(he) has upset people with the way he speaks and behaves… For me though, this is a pattern, I become very upset by bullies and conflict, and certain this is because of my childhood and later years in a home of mental illness, alcoholism, violence and verbal abuse. I had been feeling good, and now feel flat on my back – not just the burn out, the humiliation and shame of the error, but by dealing with a really unpleasant person who has pressed my buttons of childhood abuse” –

    – this is making me think about how very important it is for every person to be a decent human being and to not be rude to anyone. One never knows people’s backgrounds and being rude can press the buttons of a person’s childhood abuse, activating the hurt, fear, shame and humiliation of a traumatic childhood. These distressing feelings being activated naturally lead to inattentiveness. So, when person X is rude to person Y, and that rudeness adds to person’s Y existing stress, lack of sleep etc., and person Y, because of inattentiveness gets into a traffic accident, causing injury or death to oneself and others… person X is partly responsible for the injuries and deaths. I don’t want anything like that on my conscience, so… it is very important to not be rude to others and be kind instead!

    In your case, the co-worker’s rudeness added to your overall distress due to long working hours, misbehaving clients, and it led to your inattentiveness when handing medications to patients. The workplace bully is partly responsible for the medication error. Also, the management who decided on 12 hours constituting a shift and that you should work on your own with misbehaving clients, are also partly responsible for this medication error. Oh, not to mention Putin and his distressing effect on you and on millions of others outside the Ukraine, not to mention inside the Ukraine!

    None of us is an island, we affect each other. And so, the responsibility for the medication error is not all your own. I have no doubt that the co-worker (and Putin) will not be held responsible for the error, but they are partly responsible for it!

    The humiliation and shame do not belong to you. Please have compassion for yourself. The error is of no consequence to the patients, no harm done.

    It is Sunday, 2 am, your time. I hope that you are peacefully sleeping. Monday, you will be confronted with the medication error. May you handle it with courage, not with shame!

    I wonder if the company you work for has been disregarding a few Australian labor laws and regulation in regard to the number of hours per shift and in regard to a female employee working on her own with harassing male clients?  And if so, I wonder if you can use this for your advantage.

    Following a very quick internet search, I read in bizlatin hub. com/ labour laws when hiring employees, australia: “The Fair Work Act of 2009 (FW Act) is the general basis for all Australia’s established employment law, as well as work, health and safety, and non-discriminatory regulations. The act creates a council, the Fair Work Commission (FWC), which oversees employment regulations, awards, and enterprise agreements… The basics of employment law in Australia are based on the National Employment Standards (NES). This document outlines ten minimum employee entitlements in the workforce which employers must comply with. These minimum requirements are as follows: maximum 38-hour work week for full-time employees, employees who have worked for a company for 12 months or more may request flexible working hours if they meet one of the six categories”, and more.

    * It is an interesting coincidence that that Shane Warne died (at 52) from a heart attack on the same day as Rod March died (at 74) from a heart attack that took place 8 days earlier, both Australian Cricket Icons, from what I read in the updated Wikipedia entries.

    anita

    #394375
    HoneyBlossom
    Participant

    Thank you so much Anita. It’s Sunday, 10.40am right now.

    I have decided that when I go to work tomorrow cgor yet another 12 hour shift, that I am going to tell the manager this particular job is too much for me because of too many 12 hour shifts and I sleepovers.  I believe it is in my interests in so many ways not to remain in this region situation.  I will simply get more tired as time passes, and make more mistakes which could be worsethan this one and I would then find myself unemployable.  It has been found that most medication errors are created to fatigue.

    As I think I mentioned previously, some months ago, the house made a request months ago to review the roster.  I am not the scripts only staff member struggling with the hours.   Also, because of COVID, all health organisations dismissed staff who were not fully vaccinated and this has worsened staff shortages. We don’t  have the same casual bank to draw on when workers and are click or on holidays.

    In all honesty, I cannot blame that director my error because when he came to work, I had already made the error.  He does however make it the workplace unpleasant for people when he is at the work. Other workers previously told me that because of they feel tired and stressed, they really can do without his rude and aggressive way of speaking.

    Yes, you make a really good point of how we got are all well inter-related and how our actions can affect so many others.

    I do get asked to do casual work at other facilities in the organisation.  One place I have worked has asked me to come back numerous times. I have will speak to my manager about doing fixed term contracts on other facilities with fewer sleepovers and 12 hour shifts.  This current job I am doing would have more 12 hour shifts and sleepovers than anywhere I have been.

    I will see about the taking leave before I move on, and hopefully I will be get xa date from the hospital very soon.  I will possibly just take the hospital time as sick leave now instead of annual leave.
    <p style=”text-align: right;”>I’m feeling some relief as I can write this.  It is a relief to admit that I can no longer do this.</p>
    We do have a good union and I am a member of it.  There us also a free and confidential counselling service though you do need to book the appointments.  I’m not sure There us a point in it for me just after, as I know what has to be done- reduce my sleepovers and 12 hour shifts.  Most places, people do 1 per fortnight but here I do a couple per week.

    As well as being tired, my home has become a mess which is something I dislike quite a lot.  I am too tired for a recreation on my days off so my life often feels as though it has become an existence.

    My dear friend Rosemarie passed by yesterday. She told me that a mutual acquaintance saw me at the general store a few days ago, and said she was shocked by how c terrible I look. I had actually thought I looked okay.

    Both my dogs got their medications increased this week.  The bigger dog has had pneumonia and also taking antibiotics and Prednisone.  He is almost recovered.  The smaller dog had her fluid  tablets increased which she has to take care of with he a rt medication.  I think she is seeming better too. Not have c.f. to go back for day reviewsthis week.

    Its a lively sunny day here.  I will potter and the try and get the basic housework done and rest.

    Hopefully, I will get all of this sorted out soon.  Thanks again Anita. You have been such a great help and support I appreciate it. XXXX

    #394377
    HoneyBlossom
    Participant

    I telephoned the organisations On-Call manager as the mistake happened on the weekend. She didn’t say MUCH to begin with. I told her that I had been made aware if the error, and that I was terribly sorry and that I hoped the residents are alright.  I told her I believed that I made the mistake through fatigue.

    She told me that she had spoken with staff and had been surprised that it is  the practice for  staff to give medications at 6am and without a witness, as this is not a usual practice.

    I told her also that I will not be able to continue ongoing in that position with the current structure if hours- too many 12 hour shifts and sleepovers. I also made her aware that some months ago, the staff at the house had requested a roster review.

    She told me that it is unlikely that I will be stood down over the error, and that she needs to speak with management about how such errors can be avoided.

    She said she will be speaking with me again, likely Wednesday.

    I am glad that I called her today rather than just wait until tomorrow.

    #394378
    anita
    Participant

    Dear HoneyBlossom:

    I too am glad that you called the on-call manager today (Sunday, your time) and that she told you that you that it is unlikely that you will be stood down over the error! And it’s good to read that you can work at other facilities in the organisation, doing fixed term contracts with fewer sleepovers and 12-hours shifts, and that you plan to take a leave before you move on to another facility.

    I’m feeling some relief as I can write this.  It is a relief to admit that I can no longer do this” – well done for making the phone call and taking care of things. You’ve been proactive, taking care of your job situation and you are taking care of your dogs.

    It is now Sat evening time here, Sunday afternoon your time. I hope you rest well before your 12-hour shift tomorrow. You wrote that your friend Rosemarie said that you looked terrible a few days ago- if so, it’s probably because you were exhausted from the long shifts and the other things going on. With rest, you will look better, I am sure. Rest well, dear Honeyblossom!

    anita

    #394384
    HoneyBlossom
    Participant

    Thank you Anita. I hope you are enjoying your weekend. Earlier this afternoon, I took feed out to my little pony who is agisted on a farm in the next town.  Horses used to be a huge part of my life.  The 2 older ponies passed due to old age, but the remaining pony should have many years ahead.  I feel ashamed that I have not visited him more often though he is very well cared for where he is.  I took feed which will last at least a few weeks if not months.

    Often when I go out there, he is his  eating, and doesn’t come when I call him.  Today, he seemed eager to see me.  I took him out for s nice walk on a lead role.  Then he was perfectly behaved while I have him a hose Dow and he seemed to enjoy it. Was very therapeutic to see him.  He was feral when I got him.  He had been in a place where there was a major bushfire and several hundred people died. He was found living with dogs, and was a regular site running across the roads. He went to A couple different homes after that, and nobody could catch him so he had terribly neglected hooves.

    I’m so proud of how far he has com re.  My ponies lived with him a long time when I rented, but I could not afford t o buy acreage, hence I agisted them on a farm.  These last 2 years, being so busy, I have not seen him near ply as often as I would like. I wish he could live with me again, but can’t and he is much better off where he is.  I will try to see him more often It would be good for both of us.

    I’m feeling s lot calmer now and having a rest before the heat goes down and then I will be able to mow some of this grass. Lot of rain this year’s so a lot of mowing required.

    #394407
    anita
    Participant

    Dear HoneyBlossom:

    You are welcome. Good to read about your visit with your little pony, and about your history with him. You do provide a Sancturary to animals in need, like you mentioned before, regarding birds. Also, good to read that you were feeling a lot calmer when you last posted, 15 hours ago. It is now almost 8 am Monday, your time, and I imagine you are at work, or on your way to work. I hope the day goes well and that you will post with good news!

    anita

    #394466
    HoneyBlossom
    Participant

    Hi Anita and thank you.  I am feeling much better though had to come home from work as I have gastro.  I don’t think I am allowed back for 2 days.  I had to test for COVID and am negative.  The man who was rude to me at work came in early to replace me, and was very nice.  I had been thinking yesterday about my black and white thinking, and can safely acknowledge to myself that whilst he can be rude to workers at times, that is an aspect of his behaviour SOMETIMES but doesn’t mean he is a horrible person.

    The hospital rang me this afternoon and said my surgery is booked for Monday 28th March.

    I’m just chilling out here.  Hope you are well.

    #394506
    anita
    Participant

    Dear HoneyBlossom:

    You are welcome and thank you, I am fine. Good thing you are home chilling, you sure need the rest! Surgery in 3 weeks then, and an opportunity to rest some more following the surgery, hopefully with any post-surgery pain successfully managed.

    Regarding the co-worker who is “rude to workers at times” and your “black and white thinking“- I say, he should never be rude to workers. It is okay if he is not always nice, let’s say, when he feels distressed, but to never be rude is not too much to ask. Sometimes black-and-white/ all-or-nothing thinking is realistic and appropriate.

    anita

     

    #394535
    HoneyBlossom
    Participant

    Thanks very.much Anita. Yes you are right. I still have the gastro and bought some meds for it this morning so hopefully stop this afternoon.

    #394536
    anita
    Participant

    Dear HoneyBlossom:

    You are very welcome. I hope that your gastro discomfort eases and stops this afternoon altogether! It is now Tues 10:30 am your time, Monday 3:30 pm my time, and I am about to take my hour-long walk outside. Rest well, HoneyBlossom!

    anita

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