Thats what i said yesterday and i felt better, but the emptiness and sorrow returned. Will take space and see how this turns out, i hope my feelings come back 🙁

I tried listening to any kind of music but it does nothing sadly. Mostly sad music ellicits sad feelings in me, nothing else.
Its kinda hard to do when the first thought in the morning is “am i feeling today?” 🙁

Perhaps my feelings where never there to begin with?

Yes if our interaction isn’t heavy with feelings-focused talk and we have fun i enjoy it, or when it’s some explicit talk (aka sexting) yeah i get very engaged. But the next day i feel like i have no feelings again. I am very torn if it was infatuation or maybe i lost interest because we took too much time to meet? But if that’s the case, why do i cry in the thought of losing her forever?

But it wasn’t like that in the beginning.It never got sexual, it was just deep and intellectual talks/bonding, the type i long for.
The thing is, i pulled back when the meeting was about to happen, so i think that means something.
Because i value her and i like her a lot as a person, her character is special and i wouldn’t like to lose her. I think of her voice, her humour, her craziness, all of those.

Hmm, could u elaborate on this?

I “feel” it in the cognitive sense, because i know i did before, i remember it, but now i can’t feel anything. But i admire/respect her and i do have many laughs with her, which is pretty much the only thing i can feel now, besides sorrow. Idk how you “feel” about someone that u value. As for the liking part, well, i find her pretty, smart and hot. It’s just that i can’t feel those things now.

Good morning, Confused:

You wrote yesterday: “But it wasn’t like that in the beginning. It never got sexual, it was just deep and intellectual talks/bonding, the type I long for. The thing is, I pulled back when the meeting was about to happen, so I think that means something. Because I value her and I like her a lot as a person, her character is special and I wouldn’t like to lose her.”-

Maybe you’ve been afraid (since shortly before the first in real-life 3-days visit, and since then) to lose her as a non-sexual female person in your life, a deep and intellectual person, the type you long for. It could be that the sexual factor led to your emotional shutdown.

🤍 Anita

Hey roberta

i will try to practice that thing as soon as i get a bit better.

@anita

No no, it’s not that i don’t like her sexually, it’s just that our main connection wasn’t sexual it was intellectual, which is pretty rare. I remembered before, that when the first meet was about to happen (we were checking tickets) i was asking her often if she is 100% sure about it, i was also telling her that we shouldn’t have any expectations. Was i trying to sabotage?

@Thomas
We are long distance so sexual contact is tough. It wasn’t sex that frightened me, it was something else probably, or just severe depressive episode.

Even long distance relationships have moments of being together. It is truly my wish that you find someone who brings you joy and happiness. I know it may be tough to learn to trust if one has been hurt before. Depression is one tough beast to beat. Hope you find a way thru it. Good luck.