Hey anita

Therapist today told me that she keeps noticing this pattern on me: “The moment things get closer (intimacy) or the more the girl shows me she is available, the more i pull away. I told her that i feel my feelings are all shutdown and she said “well, makes sense because if they weren’t you would be drawn close to her”. Damn that feels like a curse..Is there any way of getting through that and getting my feelings for her back?

Thank you very much for your words Thomas, i appreciate it 🙂

Good morning, Confused:

“Is there any way of getting through that and getting my feelings for her back?”-

But you ARE having feelings for her, you described them clearly only 2 days ago, Feb 9: “When it’s some explicit talk (aka sexting) yeah, I get very engaged… I cry in the thought of losing her…We have fun… I like her a lot… I do have many laughs with her… I find her… hot… I do have many laughs with her”-

Getting VERY ENGAGED, CRYING, having FUN, LIKING her A LOT, LAUGHING with her, finding her HOT- these are all feelings and bodily sensations 😊 😄 ✨ 🌞 💛

Anita

Hey Roberta

It feels very hard to concentrate and practice for me, idk why. Maybe i have to try harder? My mind wanders elsewhere instantly.

But i see what u mean, by “getting better” i meant being in a more steady headspace, but maybe this is the way now.

Hey anita

I guess those ARE feelings and maybe i miss the dopamine then? I have to redefine my view on feelings/love. Even though i hesitate to text her, i think about her constantly and just 10 minutes ago i was crying my guts out again, thinking of her and calling her sweet words, but then it goes away and i get indifferent, its strange.

No no i didn’t report it and i didn’t see what u wrote.

And you crying 😢 your guts out and then feeling indifferent- that’s not strange in my mind. I mean, if you cry your guts out for too long, you’ll be out of guts (and how 🤔 will you process food with no guts?)

so it’s not “strange” to me that your body-brain stopped the loss of your guts (by suspending feelings/ feeling indifferent 😐 )

😐 🤔 😢 😔 🙂 😏 😴 Anita

Hi Confused

Yes it is hard to focus on anything for extended periods especially if it is something we think we might not enjoy or find boring.
One of the more modern takes on meditation is that in general most people can only concentrate in short bursts so to do 3 mins of mindfullness/meditation is a lot easier & more likely to accomplish a long term sitting practice than forcing yourself to sit straight away for 30+ mins in an unusual position every day.
When I was about to do a prostrations 100,000 in all I received some good advice from someone who had already accomplished it (you must not miss a day if you do you go back to the beginning). It was do 3 prostrations for 3 days running, then do 6 prostrations for 6 days then 12 prostrations for 12 days etc, by the time I went into my three month retreat I was fit & could concentrate for longer periods & was eventually able to do 1,000 a day.
One of the tools I use when teaching beginners is a clear glass jam jar, a little bit of ground/dirt, water & a stick.
Our jar is like the body, the wisdom mind is the water & the dirt ( or you could use glitter) for instance could be seen as thoughts, sensations & emotions. When a thought etc arises stir the water with the mud in it, then sit back & watch it settle, each time a thought etc arises give it a stir. This way you can see how if we ruminate on something there is little chance for the wisdom & clarity to show itself.
A further additional part of this experimentation into self exploration, is to hold the jar out at arms length & it doesn’t take long for your arm to ache & what a sensation of relief when you put it down. With painful/ non helpful thoughts imagine that the jar is wrapped in barbed wire, why would you pick it up in the first place, yet alone grasp it tightly & refuse to put it down.

At one retreat I went on our teacher said “right we are going to meditate for half an hour on the breath & I will give you a million pounds at the end of the session, but every time you loose concentration you loose £1,000.” Needless to say none of us managed to hold our awareness solely on the breath for very long.

Good morning, Confused:

“How can I go from crying to indifferent just like that?”-

Well, you do go from crying to indifferent when you do. Figuring the “how” or the “why” is something I tried to do for you (presenting theories and possible explanations)- and failed- in 31 pages of this thread (page 13-44).

So, as to possible how-s or why-s, you are welcome to reread this 31-page e-book 🙂

But regardless of the how-why, try to accept the fact that you go from crying to indifferent simply because you do. Don’t try to fight it or explain it away.

🤍 Anita

Thomas??? I don’t understand, or do l?

Please explain to me..???

Hey anita

U mean same as the other people here that went through that? I wish they were here to inform us on what happened 🙁

I guess i should accept it, but it makes me question myself on everything, and it will keep happening in the future from now on, even if i get with another girl, i wont allow myself to bond that deep again.

I think we are both relating to the song with thomas 🙂