Hi Anita,

That’s what I was thinking about the dog as well, which is where the fostering would come into play.  If for some reason it was too much, the dog could be returned, as it would not be “owned” by her.

I will work with your suggestions.

I wish she would agree to some type of group therapy.  She’s turned off because of the IOP’s and PHP programs she was in, but that’s not the same as group  therapy.  I was in group therapy with other abused women and it helped to make  me realize I’m not alone; not the only one going through the issues I had.  We laughed together; we cried together.

Thank you again,

Katie

Hi Anita,

She was not thrilled with the programs at all at one of the facilities, which I agreed with her about this.  They were not very helpful and actually were sarcastic with her at times.  The other facility I felt she could get more out of, but she was so tired of telling her story over and over again.  She doesn’t like to relive the abuse, still to this day.  When she goes to a new psychiatrist she always says, “do I have to tell my story again?”   I say they certainly need to know where she’s come from.

I even brought up at one time Alanon, to see if she could perhaps hear others stories about what they have lived.  She doesn’t have to share if she doesn’t want to.

She feels she does best with one on one therapy.  I wish she would change her mind, but I can’t force her into it.

I feel like she wasting her life away.  Since she turned 21 and has been able to drink alcohol, she doesn’t drink often but when she does it’s usually binging…she’ll be up from 8 pm to sometimes the following day in the afternoon.  She says she spaces the drinking out; doesn’t consume a lot in a few hours.  I’ve been talking with her about this because I am very uncomfortable with her drinking due to her father’s alcoholism.  She confessed to me the other day that she drinks because it makes her feel “light hearted” and “relaxed.”  She misses my boyfriend; she had him take the place of her dad, which she shouldn’t have.  Now she cries that she misses him and “why did he have to behave the way he did.”  I explained to her that anyone I date she should not get attached to.  There was no marriage involved and we both were free to leave the relationship whenever we wanted to.  I should be the one hurting, not her.  But still, she is  hurting.

I’ll try talking about group therapy again.  But I think even just getting out into the world, whether it be volunteering or working, will help her a lot.

Katie

Hi Anita,

I would  agree that I should not pressure with the group therapy.  Just because it worked for me doesn’t mean it works  for everyone, and my daughter does tell me this.

I would love her to drink responsibly and in moderation. This is the issue that I have with her.  Sometimes when she drinks, she makes  poor decisions, like to drink  more.  I have  talked  with her about having perhaps a glass of wine in the evening just to relax herself, but she doesn’t like wine, although I don’t think that  she has tried many wines.  I stopped drinking about 6 years ago, simply because I chose not to.  But having a glass of wine now and then certainly wouldn’t be a big deal for me.  My daughter drinks the Four Loko cans, which I could never stomach and I think  one can is way too much alcohol. She drinks one, maybe 2 cans at home.

She doesn’t drink as much as she used to.  I recall seeing her fall down drunk and  having to help her stand.  I cannot tell you how that makes you feel as a parent, especially one that was married to an alcoholic.  I fear for her that she may become her father.

So, my life is pretty messy right now.  This morning I though to myself “Who would take care of me if I get sick?”  I work in a hospital where COVID is surging, and the thought just came to my mind.  I guess I was feeling sorry for myself.  I felt that I should have someone to lean on, as  I have let so many lean on me.

Thanks for the vent!

Katie

Hi Anita,

Thank you for acknowledging my impressiveness, but many times I am a mess, mostly with just me and my cat.  And my therapist has helped wipe my tears with his words.  Reminding me of who I am, and what I went through to get here.

I’m not on the front lines like the doctors, nurses, techs, unit secretary, but I do occasionally go the the patient floors to provide a patient with activities to keep them busy during their stay.  I deliver these to the nurses station (we aren’t allowed in patient rooms at this time), and if it’s a COVID unit, I leave the delivery in the lounge area outside the unit.  And at this point just about every unit is a COVID unit, except maternity.  Still, you never know who you’re passing by in the hallway.  We’re all masked and socially distanced, but not a comfortable feeling.

Unfortunately, most of the COVID patients are elderly (over 70).  When a code for respiratory or medical emergency is called, it breaks my heart.  For some reason I feel for those I don’t even know…empathy.

As I write this my cat is laying next to me; touching my leg of course.  He has become my little one to lean on.  He knows when I’m upset and if he sees the tears sniffs my face.

Today has just been a not so good day for me.

Katie

Hi Anita,

I haven’t heard from my “boyfriend”  since Sunday.  He was very chatty over the weekend.  He’s working overtime a lot during the week and then with taking care of  the cat and all his house stuff, he’s overwhelmed.  He still has  weekly therapy.

Of interest was he said to me on Sunday that he joined Twitter (keeping up on political stuff), and used our picture as his profile picture.  It was a nice picture of us on the beach.  It made me realize in his mind we’re still together.

I  have therapy this Tuesday and will be talking to my therapist about how to move forward.  Limbo is not a great place to be in, but I recall my therapist telling me to give him this time to work on his issues.

I have good days and  bad days.  But the bad days are  really bad….sobbing bad.  I don’t like that.  I tried to give myself a pep talk today and say “this past year I’ve been tormented; I didn’t deserve that.  I don’t want that.”   The thing is, this would be so much easier if this break was occurring not during the holidays.  All those memories of putting up Christmas  trees, ornaments, music…. it all makes me sad.  I don’t even want to walk through the stores and see all the holiday stuff. Thank goodness for face masks. I can cry without anyone noticing.

Katie

Hi Anita,

He said it would  take probably months due to his OCD and the fact  that my therapist feels this goes deeper than issues he has with me.   He totally left it up to me as to how long I want to wait it out.  He did say at some point we should meet with a therapist together, but didn’t think that was anytime soon.

It really is totally up to me as to how long I wait.  I could break it off completely and move on. I’m not sure if I’m ready for that.

Katie

Hi Anita,

You are exactly right.  I long for what we had.  But I do know that going back with him will be back to a different relationship with boundaries in place.

I wish I had a crystal ball and all the answers.  I just can’t imagine having with someone else we he and I had before this past year.  It seemed like a once in a lifetime relationship that few were lucky to find.

I try to be patient with myself also.  I sometimes tell myself I don’t have to make any decisions today.  Today can just be today.

Katie