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Let her go?

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This topic contains 662 replies, has 8 voices, and was last updated by  anita 2 weeks ago.

Viewing 15 posts - 496 through 510 (of 663 total)
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  • #274533

    anita
    Participant

    * didn’t reflect under Topics

    #274597

    pete
    Participant

    I’ll probably just end up going for coffee next week and messaging back early Feb. But what should I do? this is rather annoying.

    #274619

    anita
    Participant

    Dear blkhwkdwn1:

    Tell her on the phone or message her something like: I want to hang out with you once a month. We talked about it before and you said that we will hang out once a month but it didn’t happen. This frustrates me. I really need to know if you are willing and able to commit to hang out with me once every month, or not. Will you think about it and let me know in the next couple of days?

    Use your own words, of course but keep all the essentials in my suggestion.

    Basically what is happening is you really do want to see her once a month (or more) but you are very frustrated with the fact that it didn’t happen, so much so that you are thinking of cutting off contact with her altogether, if I understand correctly.

    What do you think of my suggested message to her?

    anita

     

     

     

     

     

    #274745

    pete
    Participant

    Thanks but I messaged her I need to ask her something, just going to tell her if she wants to reconnect and if she does then maybe if I think about her in 10-20 years from now I’ll try reconnecting (which I most likely wont). But I need to “let her go”, it’s time. I’m sick of knowing I aint good enough, I mean October she told me point blank to my face she has more time for people that matter to her and that she wants me to come with her.

    #274749

    anita
    Participant

    Dear blkhwkdwn1:

    You are angry at her and I understand why. You’ve been wanting her time and attention like in that summer for way too long, waiting and hoping and waiting  so patiently.

    The good moments you had with her since were simply not enough to last the gaps in between.

    Tell me how you feel, now that you sent this message?

    anita

    #274753

    pete
    Participant

    The thing is…I never invited her out anywhere either? UFC I go to once a month to a work buddies, she would not enjoy the company so I can’t invite her to that, which is all I do and I never told her any of the feelings I been going through about us, mostly because it was for myself and she didn’t need to know, only thing she knows is I had the best day of  my life with her when she took me to the doctors and we hung out after I broke down at the docs about being suicidal. As for my feelings? I feel fine I guess, wont know until after I talk to her.

    #274757

    anita
    Participant

    Dear blkhwkdwn1:

    Oh, I didn’t understand this part: you are waiting for her to answer your idea about reconnecting in 10-20 years.

    This is not a good idea, I mean no one can predict the future in so many years!

    Why don’t you tell her what I suggested earlier, the first paragraph in my fist post to you today?

    anita

    #274761

    pete
    Participant

    How about I just say reconnect sometime when we are older? or sometime later. I really just want this to be done with.

     

    She messaged me just now “I’ll call in later? just out right now.. :)”

    #274767

    anita
    Participant

    Dear blkhwkdwn1:

    I get that you “really just want this to be done with”-

    but what if you have this be done with after you tell her the truth, just like it is, your truth? Not a lot of words. You can have it typed in front of you, what you intend to tell her and when she calls read it slowly, so that she gets  chance to absorb it, not quickly. Slowly???

    * I will soon be away from the computer but will keep it on for the next half an hour or so just in case you write to me soon.

    anita

    #274775

    pete
    Participant

    Naw, it wont be very long. Not going to talk about much. Just ask if she wants to reconnect sometime in the future and if she asks why i’ll say goes back to Oct when we both said we wanted to hang out more, but not hung out at all and you were saying you now have more time for people that matter to you and I don’t feel like I really matter so I figure it’s time to go our seperate ways until maybe later. Also that I don’t wanna hang out 1-2 times a year, feels like so little can be done.

     

    More texts.

     

    Me: Ok, hopefully you wont hate me too much

    Her: Oh ok? hmmmm

    Her: I don’t think it’s possible to hate you Pat!

    #274785

    anita
    Participant

    Dear blkhwkdwn1:

    Your first paragraph, what you intend to tell her is best, reads as truthful and honest as can be!

    I like her statement that it is impossible to hate you, makes me smile! From the beginning I was able to see why you like her so much.

    In a few moments I will be away from the computer for the next 14 hours or so. I hope to read an update from you when I return.

    anita

    #274825

    pete
    Participant

    Well that was not what I planned in my head and we talked for 23 minutes mostly because I was so quiet this phone call. Felt REALLY awkward the whole conversation, only managed to talk about October when we both wanted to hang out together more often and she said she really hates using the word “busy” and said she does not mean to offend me or anything, told her I felt super uncomfortable to talk about the rest even though she told me to let go of what’s on my chest and told her it’s still really hard to open up, then said to visit her at her work and going for hikes and challenging eachother to get better, like her getting back into yoga every day, both of us eating better and me doing my training 2-3 days a week and keep eachother ontop of it. Also about her massaging and the medium she’s seeing tomorrow and that she does appreciate our friendship and thinks about me as she drinks coffee from the mugs I got her everyday, so I am always on her mind. I just could NOT get the “let’s reconnect another time” part out, she even mentioned I am super quiet. Also asked about if she wants to do monthly hikes? she said she will try but does not want to commit and cancel and hurt my feelings, but she will try even if it goes past a month like a month and a half. Also with the massaging, the phone calling and stuff she didn’t really think there was a problem and she does like to hang out with me, she’s not going “not Pat again”.

    #274873

    anita
    Participant

    Dear blkhwkdwn1:

    You were  quiet, “super quiet”, she said,  during much of the conversation, feeling awkward the whole time, and yet you did manage to bring up October when the two of you aimed at hanging out together more often- good job on your part, if I may say so, you brought up what bothers you most.

    She told you to let go of what’s on your chest and you told her “it’s still really hard to open up”- again, good job telling her the truth of how you feel.

    Next she suggested that you visit her at her work, that you go on hikes (she can’t commit to monthly, but will try once a month-month and a half), and that you challenge  and encourage each other to get better (yoga for her, training for you, eating better for both).

    She didn’t think there was a problem with phone calls (meaning?)

    She told you that she appreciates your friendship, that she thinks about you everyday when she drinks coffee from the mugs you gave her as gifts, “so I am always on her mind”. She said she likes to hang out with you and doesn’t see it as a chore, or something unpleasant (“not Pat again”).

    How do you feel today and what is your plan?

    anita

     

    #274975

    pete
    Participant

    I feel ok today, my plan is to start back up on keto then get into the training a little after (Feb?). As for the phone calls part,  she was saying she did not think there was a problem with us because I was seeing her for some massaging, the phone calls we have (we talk a lot like 1 call every week or 2 which I don’t mind compared to before when we first started talking when I first got her number when it was once every month or 2), which is not every day like that 1 person that bugs her everyday calling even at 2AM. Told her I will text her Thursday with my schedule so we can plan a hike for next week. I’ll probably text her the whole “hate” thing was I was gonna ask her if she wanted to reconnect another time sometime and thought she would hate me for  asking because what it meant.

     

    I’ll message back in a few weeks.

    #274993

    anita
    Participant

    Dear blkhwkdwn1:

    It all reads good to me. I understand about the calls. Well, I am looking forward to read from you next time you post!

    anita

    • This reply was modified 7 months ago by  anita.
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